Deciding whether to have career break for few months or long term

[Corilee2806]

Looking for some advice as I’m at my wits end and can’t seem to make a decision.

I’m about to take a career break for 5 months as I’ve been struggling to juggle work in a demanding role(3 days per week) and young children. I have a 2 hour commute at least once a week and work long days on the other two. Fitting this all in around the school run and wrap around care etc is challenging. My children are 5 and just 3.

The career break was meant to be just that - an opportunity to reset and think about what I want. My husband earns enough that we don’t need my salary which is a recent thing - it’s nice to have the extra money from my salary coming in but we would be comfortable without it. He has a senior role which requires him to be in London nearly every day so he has much less flexibility meaning I am often sorting all the logistics and as I’m part time, keeping the show on the road at home. He does do as much as he can and usually gets home in time for bedtime and cooks our dinner, this isn’t a DH problem situation.

The children both have things I’m trying to work on - my 5 year old doesn’t eat much and we’re really trying to improve that but it takes time and effort, 3 year old has very challenging behaviour which I’ve posted about before - this is gradually improving but getting out of the door every morning is hugely challenging due to his meltdowns and we’re late for everything. Add into that they’ve been ill 5 times since the start of January and I’m barely managing to work my hours and the work I do is poor quality as I’m so stressed and worn down. I feel like I’m failing at everything. Today I got to the office at 10 and had to leave at lunchtime to get my daughter, which is a regular occurrence.

The break starts in two weeks. I am tempted to just say I can’t do this and stay at home until they are both older and everything is less stressful? I feel like I’ve slept walked into this situation where my husband’s career has taken precedence but it’s the situation we’re in and in a way I feel lucky to have the choice to not work. I would be able to go back in at the same level.

Trying to think what other options I have. DH is worried about me stepping out completely but my career break policy allows me to take several years for childcare reasons if needed. I’m so torn - I have always been quite ambitious and could continue to progress where I am but not in this current vicious cycle.

thanks for reading if you got this far.

If you can afford it, stay off until the little one starts school, and use the time to find something that fits in better with the school run.

Stay at home it's so much less stressful.

I think women have been sold this myth that it's career suicide to take time off but nowadays we have to work till we're 67 so I really don't believe that taking 4 or 5 years out of a 45 year working career is going to be all that harmful. You can make up the pension contributions later on when the kids leave home or the mortgage paid off.

I've also noticed that the massive increase in poor mental health in young people seems to coincide with the time both parents started having to work full time. Is that a coincidence? I don't know.

First take the 5 months break. It will do you a power of good. Don’t make any longer term decisions from where you are now as you may feel differently later.

however I’m not sure that I’ve exactly understood your question. Are you asking if you should extend your career break to several years, or resign from your job? Either way, I would still say do nothing at all for now but just start the 5 months and allow yourself to rest and forget about work for a bit.

i took a similar break some years ago and it was a fantastic reset. I went back with real enthusiasm and energy.

If you're allowed to be flexible about your return I'd do that. You'll feel clearer a few months into your break. Don't feel bad about it either! They sound like a great company with family friendly policies though, and you might be glad of that later. I'd probably try to stay off until the youngest DC starts school, if possible, and then work three days a week. Then you'll have two days a week to catch up with stuff at home while the DC are at school. It gets easier.

it’s weird that you see your career as optional and your salary as ‘extra’. I would take the five months, and your DH needs to switch jobs to something more flexible that will allow you both to share parenting.

Thanks everyone, really helpful replies. I’m not going to rush to make a decision, I think yesterday was a particularly bad day. I am lucky to work for a good employer to have options - I know I have no idea how I’ll feel being off until I’m actually doing it, so best to see after a few months probably.

I agree about the idea that if you step out for a while you’re somehow committing career suicide - I have had friends who’ve taken a few years out and gone back into their career seemingly without issue. I know I’ll lose out on some pension contributions and promotion opportunities might take a back seat for a while but it’s not the end of the world.

And yes, I probably did come across as seeing my career as optional in my post, I definitely don’t and have always said to my husband this is a temporary thing and in the long term I want him to give me space for my career to be prioritised, I just don’t mind that being when the kids are a bit older!

Out of interest what did you decide to do in the end? Facing a similar dilemma at the moment and struggling to juggle. Hope the break was lovely!

Hi! I ended up taking the career break for 5 months, returned and immediately handed in my notice! They put me in another role I was totally unsuited to and wouldn’t make any concessions on the office attendance policy which was unworkable for me. It felt risky but I knew I had to do it to force myself to look for another job properly - luckily I found another one locally a week later so it’s all worked out! Few more hours but less commuting so hopefully it evens out. There is never a perfect solution!

That’s great, so glad it worked out for you!

to be honest after recent events if i could afford it then id semi retire and just be available as a volunteer.

Did you enjoy your time off and think about not going back at all? Is the juggle any easier now?

i enjoyed some aspects of the time off but it definitely made me realise I need to work in some capacity and have the balance - but it is hard to achieve! Haven’t started the new job yet, not sure it’s going to be any less full on but hopefully it’s something I’ll enjoy more and is better suited to me. Also it’s shown me now that if something isn’t working I can change it so it’s helped get past feeling stuck which is how I felt for a long time!