Children and smartphones

[uprisen]

I've just heard an item on Radio 4's Today programme about children's smartphone usage, with a powerful interview from a mum whose daughter's mental health has been severely impacted by content she had seen online. The presenter seemed to be making the point that parents want to moderate the content their children see online, but need more help from schools. This rankled with me because our secondary school is constantly sending out information to parents on how to moderate their children's phone usage, but most parents don't follow it. Our school tells parents "you bought the phone, you pay for the phone, you should have access to the phone to see what your child is doing". We all know that's easier said than done - one of my teens happily hands over the phone when asked, the other makes it more difficult. Here on Mumsnet, if anyone mentions they have the pin number for accessing their child's phone they get flamed for violating their child's privacy.

Do you have access your child's phone and, if so, at what age do you stop?

I was 16 when I got my first phone it was a Nokia. My dad insisted that it was left on the mantelpiece in the living room when we went to bed and had access to the pin. Back them all I could do was make phone calls or text on my phone. Now times have changed, phones can do so much more and are used for kids to do achool work as well. The lines between using them for communication and recreation have blurred. I'm not sure how we will manage it as ours are still a few years off this.

I disagree that schools should be responsible for this. Yes they can do lessons on the damage of socially media and inappropriate Internet use but unless they could ban the use of phones during the school day and only hand them back before school finishes, what do you expect them to do? Parents would be in uproar about this if they even tried, some would be banging on about their kids human rights, some would go on that they need to contact their kid during the day, some kids might need their phones (in case of type 1 diabetics) to monitor their levels, some parents just moan for the sake of any rules achool comes up with. Schools are primarily there to educate children, parents need to parent.

My DS is 16 so I don't check his phone any more, but I used to. He had a smart phone from age 10 but he wasn't allowed social medias, it was mainly so I could track him when he was out alone which you can't do with a brick phone. I checked it daily to see what he was accessing and using until around age 14, then I felt he needed a bit more privacy and he'd got through the trickiest stage. I don't think it's school's responsibility, it's down to parents.

No MH issues with DS I should add and he's thankfully never been bullied or involved in bullying. He's in year 11 so we're almost done with school thank god. There's been horrible incidents with other children via Snapchat especially, that was one app that I refused to let DS use until year 10.

It would have definitely helped me if my kids' secondary school had banned phones at school. God knows why they allowed them.

I had access when they first got their phones (when they started secondary), and I can't remember exactly when I stopped looking. There was never anything to see, so probably around 14?

Personally I wanted to be able to track DS walking when he was younger or to be able to contact me in an emergency, so I wouldn't have been happy with a ban at school.

11 and 14. Yes, I know the passcode. I have told them that as my name is on the contract (and has to be until they turn 18) I have the right to know what they are using their phone for. I expect to be able to check it as and when I see fit. Both have screen time settings set up through my phone.

I check the 14 year old's more often than the 11 (because she doesn't use it). I imagine that will change as they get older.

I'm not really sure this is a school issue. They seem to talk a lot about use of phones, bullying etc. I'm not sure what more they can do. It's a parenting issue, not a school issue.

My teenager has had one for 4 years only uses it for games, text photos and school maps, their choice

No issues and no need to track, it stays in school bag or kitchen overnight out of habit

I think they take them off them at school.

We had the understanding with our children that them owning a phone meant that we, the parents, had the right to check on it if we were concerned something or someone was potentially causing them harm. No agreement, no phone. Sure, you can argue it is encroaching on their privacy. But as parents we also have duty to their safety, and to be honest I think their safety's trumps their privacy everytime. Once they hit 16 it was their responsibility, and we would only get involved if they asked. Had they refused the the terms they would have got a phone that could only make calls and texts. As it turned out we never needed to exercise our right under the agreement. Our children were all secondary school age before they got phones, and we're taking themselves to school.

There's always a "reason" a child needs a phone.

For a bus pass (bus companies to blame here... why not a card?)
For money (again... a card or cash!)
Keeping in contact with friends (genie out of bottle here really)
Homework (schools.. but the instant marking and feedback style programmes are good)
Tracking (parents to blame here... why?)
Keeping in contact with family.. brick would do
Medical monitoring... rare but extremely valid.

So its a Catch 22... phones have ended up being necessary for modern life and a huge problem for modern life

They don't at DS's school but they have to be turned off and put away in bags while on school grounds, if they get caught using them at school they get confiscated.

Tracking because I want to, simple as that. As a busy single working parent it gave me comfort to know that DS got home ok after school as I was out at work. I don't use it any more now he's older but I did when he first started secondary.

I don't know the answer. But that recent news case has made me realise all the "parents need to do this that and the other..." advice is like rowing against the tide. You can't monitor it all.

My 10yo got her first phone recently, I got her an iPhone as she and her little brother get the school bus home and have to be collected then from the bus stop.

She treats that phone like it is a precious baby animal. She never uses it. But hands it over diligently to the teacher and it stays in her school bag overnight. That's just her.

Her little brother. Different story altogether. He will fish that phone out and watch YouTube hidden under his duvet. I have to prize it out of his fingers. To me, that tells me I have to watch them in different ways. Her day will come when SM is interesting. He already acts like devices are crack cocaine.

All the info feels so benign when you read it about internet safety. A big problem is rowing back on it when it's out of control. That's the hard bit. How to do this and handle the fall out. We did this recently with the PlayStation (the interaction across games and the shouting and roaring and name calling was horrendous). That took an immediate effect on my kids and is gone now, switched off feature - but oh my god, intense fallout.

but oh my god, intense fallout.
And that's the problem isn't it. Rather than wading through the hard bit of parenting, some (a lot of?) parents want the school to deal with it so they don't have to.