Ex changes when he sees kids

[Theirweekend]

The kids dad has them every other weekend. Fri-sun. But if there's a birthday or a work do or something like that. he either asks to skip the weekend and have them the following weekend. Or most recently he said he can't have them this weekend coming because its his adult daughters birthday . So instead he popped in the weekend just gone. And took them to the park for a couple of hours. So basically the boys have only had a few hours with him rather than the weekend.

It doesn't effect me but is it fair on our children ? Part of me thinks some times things come up or things change so its good for the kids to learn that. The bitch part of me thinks why you dumping them off because you have something better to do .

Also autistic ds will think its my fault 😭

Just to add. There will be several weeks or so that he does not change things. So its not constant .

I say it does not effect me but kind of does. But not deeply. Their my kids after all .

He sounds like a selfish arse. I live and parent my kids full-time every day of the week. But if I only saw them for two days, every other weekend, I sure as hell wouldn't be agreeing to go on a works night out, I'd want to have a quiet one at home with my children. Or if I had a birthday for an older sibling, I'd do what I'd always do for a siblings birthday and take them along, even if it meant that I couldn't stay late. I mean, on a surface level, it may not make much difference to the kids, especially if they don't necessarily know they are being ditched every time a more exciting offer comes up. But eventually, yes, they will work it out dad would rather get pissed with his work colleagues than spend the weekend with them. I suspect by then that they will know that they aren't a priority anyway.

Short of something like an operation, the scheduling of which he can't control, I'd stay firm and expect him to keep his commitment to his children first. A night out, he can say no to. A family party, he should bring the kids to so they can join in with the family anyway.

Imagine if you started doing this?! I seriously don't understand where men get the audacity. If it was me I'd be saying no I have plans you will need to work round this kids like I do every day

I know. It would not come in my head to do it. Thats why I was not sure

Unfortunately you can’t stop him doing it. My ex use to cancel if it was raining 🤷‍♀️

He’s a dead beat dad who only sees his children every other weekend and only when it suits him. I hope he pays CMS and is generous with his money since he barely bothers with his own kids.

I would not say he's totally dead beat but leaning that way 😅. I definitely would not use the word barely. As I said in my op it's not constant. I just was not sure if what he does is ok.

You say it's not affecting you, but surely it's irritating if you are expecting him to have them on his contact weekend.

Frankly, the next time he did it I'd give him a blank look and say, 'Well what childcare are you going to arrange instead? I already have plans as it's your contact weekend, so I won't be able to look after them for you'.

Yeah it's irritating but no more than that . To be honest I would not want my kids baby sat by someone they don't know. Its irritating in the fact it would not cross my mind to change the kids weekend to suit myself. I never go out socially anyway. So it could be a me thing.

Adults daughters birthday - no issue there his daughter matters equally to you kids

As for works party then surely a simple swop is the answer