Getting called into school for persistent absence-today was the first day off

[Tomatosoupandbread]

School has called a meeting with me, my ex partner and the head for persistent absence. Dd was off school today with a poorly tummy, as per school’s policies.

School was shut for three days during the ice snap as the road to school was unsafe. We had one morning where we were 30 minutes late in because I popped my tyre on a pot hole, another morning where we came in at break time because dd had a GP appointment for an ear infection, and we were 15 mins late one day because we overslept. School were aware of all three of these latenesses.

School called my ex partner instead of me this morning wanting to know where dd was. I had tried calling in but the phone lines were down (it is a rural school and this happens a lot). He then called me and accused me of all sorts-saying I never took dd in, that I was always keeping her off school, that I was fabricating today’s illness and that I was a liar. All because school have told him that she is now a “persistent absentee”. They know that the relationship ended due to domestic violence, and they know that the relationship between ex p and myself is strained. I just feel so fed up and angry. I know there is a duty of care there, but why didn’t they just call me this morning? And why are we persistent absentees? I feel rubbish.

The way regustration works, you are absent if you arent there with 15 mins of the registrar closing. You are still absent if it is a legitimate reason like a medical appointment. There are two sessions a day so the days you were late you are absent for one session.

The school closure shouldnt count so check they used the right code.

I am sorry the situation with your ex was handled badly. That must be very upsetting.

I think op, you need to firstly remember that your ex is an arsehole.
So I wouldn't be taking his word as gospel. He's very likely embellishing in order to bully and upset you.

I'd wait and have no further dealing with him until you've spoken directly to the school. I'd also ask why they have been going through him as point of contact when you presumably have contact of your child and he's known to be an unsafe adult. I'd query the schools safeguarding mechanisms in this instance. I'd also ask for two meetings so that you can sit with the school separately from him and he can have his own meeting to ensure your safety. Your meeting should be first so you can leave the premises while he's in his so he can't follow you home.

I'd also be inclined to ask what training the school and teachers attend regularly to keep them informed and aware of best practice re: dv. As many schools don't have anything like this but free training is available from womens aid.

Once you've spoken to the school hopefully you'll have some more answers. Perhaps they have a system that automatically flags a certain number of late/ non attendances and even though you've communicated the reasons behind this, it's already flagged for them clerically.

I'd really consider how much contact you need/ want to have with your ex if this is how he tends to react to things. Perhaps communication is better with him via email for example so that there's a written record of any abusive or harassing contact that you can then act upon using your solicitor. If he's clever he'll be aware of that and hopefully toe the line a bit more. At the end of the day, it's up to you how you interact with him and how much. You don't owe him anything and it sounds like he'll use any incident like this as an opening to upset you. So I'd cut that right down so he doesn't have the same option.

The school have a right to speak with you about any concerns they have for your child's attendance or lateness, and you have a right to pull them up on inadequate safeguarding procedures re: domestic abuse. So two very important points for your meeting and I'd be putting this to them in writing so you again have a record of it, ideally by email.

*custody of your child

My guess is that what they are flagging up is the lack of communication. The GP appointment isn't a lateness, it's usually an excused absence as you would have notified them in advance, I assume. The other two (the pothole and the oversleeping), did you ring before the start of school to let them know you would be late and did the message actually get to someone in time for register? If it didn't, then that's 3 times that she basically hasn't shown up for school and they didn't know where she was. This does lead to a safeguarding concern. In the way that absences for sickness don't. Children who don't turn up to school are a real worry.

Mine have been actually off school missing the whole day sick more times than that this year (but I let them know well before start of school day) and we actually got a letter commending our attendance last week! The fact that they rang your ex (however much of an arse he may be) shows that they are trying to flag concerns with the other parent, which probably is the right thing to do in a situation where parents don't live together and there is a potential safeguarding concern about where a child might be.

Thank you all for your replies. @mindutopia , I have always called up prior to the register, but the message may not have got through in time. Urgh, I feel so rotten about the whole thing!