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13 years olds and no-secco

87 replies

troppibambini6 · 05/02/2024 10:45

Dd (13) went to a birthday party on Saturday night for a girl she's friends with in her year (8) at school.
There was about 13 girls there and the mum was there too.
I picked her up about 9.30 and she told me the mum had got some alcohol free Prosecco for them. Dd said she had tried it but it was horrible so discreetly left it on the table.

It's been playing on my mind and just doesn't sit right with me giving children that young alcohol free Prosecco.

I'm the daughter of an alcoholic so sometimes things can be a little triggering for me so not sure if I'm being over the top.

Is it like like trying makeup out? Trying to look grown up maybe? I'm just not sure.

I have older teens who have been allowed to drink around us after around 16/17 so I'm not anti alcohol and drink myself.

What do you think I'm I just being stupid?

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Healthkick · 05/02/2024 10:47

Hmm I wouldn’t love it either. It’s a tricky one as they’re at an age where I definitely started trying alcohol so if the option
was alcohol free or the real deal I’d obviously prefer alcohol free. I think the parent shouldn’t have offered it to children without your consent. Even when you buy alcohol free in shops, you need to be over 18.

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troppibambini6 · 05/02/2024 10:56

@Healthkick is that right? I didn't know that you had to be 18 but I suppose it makes sense.

I think at least it's made me realise I need to talk to dd about things that might happen at parties.

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JesusAndMaryPain · 05/02/2024 10:57

Urgh.
Early intro to the toxic mummy wine culture.
I would be v unhappy.
Youre not the weird one here!

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Comedycook · 05/02/2024 10:59

I'm also the daughter of an alcoholic. I'm tee total. I also have a 13 year old dd. I would be perfectly fine with this.

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RainbowZebraWarrior · 05/02/2024 11:00

JesusAndMaryPain · 05/02/2024 10:57

Urgh.
Early intro to the toxic mummy wine culture.
I would be v unhappy.
Youre not the weird one here!

Agree with this.

I have a 12 year old and I'd be pretty disgusted if this was offered to her.

The other thing is that they didn't even check with you. When we have other kids over, I always send a message or mention to the parent what they will he having (partly in case I'm making something they may not like)

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Comedycook · 05/02/2024 11:00

Even when you buy alcohol free in shops, you need to be over 18

Well apple juice, orange squash and milk are alcohol free. Surely you should need id to buy them then?

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viridiano · 05/02/2024 11:01

I suppose I would be wondering why the mum felt like this was something she wanted to offer to a bunch of 13 year olds. Did they ask for it or did mum just get it and encourage them to try it? If so why?

It's all a bit weird, really. Kids don't really tend to be all that interested in alcohol these days anyway compared to how it was 20 years ago. I imagine mum probably wanted to be seen as cool, and it was more about her than the kids.

It wouldn't sit right with me. It's not only about it having no alcohol, it's the whole culture around alcohol, which is why you need ID to buy it and kids can't buy it.

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Comedycook · 05/02/2024 11:02

I'm surprised how many people would be upset by this. What if they made and drank mocktails?

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2chocolateoranges · 05/02/2024 11:02

I’m also the daughter of an alcoholic and a sibling of one too. However I do have a drink and know my limit.

i personally wouldn’t have been that bothered. It’s alcohol free, it was a birthday party and the mum was probably excited to see the girls all having fun. It was non alcoholic,

if it had been alcohol in it then I wouldn’t have been pleased.

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OneMoreTime23 · 05/02/2024 11:03

My 13 year old has had a sip of Prosecco or Champagne at special occasions since she was tiny. She’s been helping her dad make beer since she could stand (before she turned 1) and tasting is part of that. Same as me as a child. As an adult I barely drink. 🤷🏻‍♀️

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MargaretThursday · 05/02/2024 11:03

Isn't that a win for you though?
Next time your dd's offered prosecco, possibly in a less controlled area, then she'll probably say no she doesn't like it.

I think one of the biggest problems is making it a forbidden fruit. And then they romanticise it, it becomes and "grown up" item and are far more likely to overindulge when older.
My dc have always been allowed a little amount of cider or wine if we have it, which isn't often, since they were about 10yo.
My older two are 23 and 20 and very rarely have even a glass. Dd1 doesn't mind half a glass of cider, but would say that's plenty, and occasionally if out has a glass of prosecco. Total times of alcohol in a year is less than 10.
Dd2 doesn't even have that. She did have Bacardi and coke when out with friends last year and concluded she preferred straight coke.

Ds is 16yo and likes the idea of liking beer. So when it comes to a sporting event, I buy him a non-alcoholic beer. He drinks perhaps an inch of it then puts the rest in the fridge "for later" and I throw it out a week later. It's totally taken away the mystique that alcohol can have for them, and even when he's been round with older boys and alcohol has been on offered, he's not chosen to drink because he doesn't actually like the taste.

I remember a few years ago one of my friends was telling me that her dd (aged 14yo) had been invited to a party, and was really upset because the others were all bringing alcohol. She didn't like it and didn't want to bring any, but thought they'd laugh at her. So they bought some alcopops, poured the drink out and replaced the liquid with plain soft drinks, so her dd had drunk those. Apparently they'd been really popular because her friends had "really liked the taste". Her dd was now freaking out that they'd buy the same sort and realise the taste was different. 🤣 (they didn't btw)

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OneMoreTime23 · 05/02/2024 11:04

I’d be a lot more annoyed if she was offered highly caffeinated drinks that kids her age and younger seem to be drinking regularly than non-alcoholic fizzy wine.

There’s no alcoholism in my family though.

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viridiano · 05/02/2024 11:05

Comedycook · 05/02/2024 11:02

I'm surprised how many people would be upset by this. What if they made and drank mocktails?

I think it's the same, especially if they made mocktails based on a real cocktail (like a No-jito or something).

I think the issue people have with it is the encouraging/ indoctrinating into alcohol culture at a young age. It gets them thinking about alcohol, experiencing all of the social stuff around alcohol etc., when really at that age why do they need to?

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Strugglingtodomybest · 05/02/2024 11:07

It wouldn't bother me, I'd just be thankful that it wasn't actual alcohol.

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Precipice · 05/02/2024 11:08

It doesn't have alcohol in it.

When I was about 6-7, it was popular at children's parties to have what was called 'kids' champagne'. It was marketed as for children, stylicised like champagne bottles, but fruit flavoured, still fizzy. Looked like this: https://2kwodka.pl/516-large_default/szampan-piccolo-kiwi-750ml.jpg I didn't like it, as I didn't like fizzy drinks.

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Growlybear83 · 05/02/2024 11:09

Comedycook · 05/02/2024 11:00

Even when you buy alcohol free in shops, you need to be over 18

Well apple juice, orange squash and milk are alcohol free. Surely you should need id to buy them then?

My husband only drinks alcohol free or very low alcohol wine or beer now and it really irritates me when they have to do an ID check at the self checkouts for alcohol free drinks.

I wouldn't have a problem at all with 13 year olds being given alcohol free wine, as it's so revolting that it will only put them off drinking! But if it was Nozeco rather than another brand, it is only very low alcohol, not alcohol free (0.5% by volume) which some people may not be happy with. I used to let my daughter have an occasional alcoholic drink at that age, such as with Christmas lunch, but i would never have given anyone else's child any drink containing alcohol.

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viridiano · 05/02/2024 11:09

I think one of the biggest problems is making it a forbidden fruit. And then they romanticise it, it becomes and "grown up" item and are far more likely to overindulge when older.

@MargaretThursday Don't you think this whole thing makes it even more 'forbidden fruit' though? (For some kids - perhaps not your own - but not everyone is the same).

Drinking no-secco with a group of 13 year olds is like saying 'you're 13 so you're not old enough for alcohol, but alcohol is really good and fun, and when you're older you are going to LOVE it! But for now, here's something you can have instead.'

Surely this will just highlight alcohol as a fun thing and make some kids want it more.

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CorylusAgain · 05/02/2024 11:12

Comedycook · 05/02/2024 11:02

I'm surprised how many people would be upset by this. What if they made and drank mocktails?

Problematic relationships with alcohol include social, cultural and psychological factors not just the biochemical affect of alcohol on the brain
Introducing the social and cultural aspects at 13 is just unnecessary. Of course its not going to turn those girls into alcoholics before they're 18 but it definitely contributes to the unhealthy culture of drinking we have in this country.

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CorylusAgain · 05/02/2024 11:16

I think one of the biggest problems is making it a forbidden fruit. And then they romanticise it, it becomes and "grown up" item and are far more likely to overindulge when older

Despite lots of individual anecdotal accounts, the research doesn't bear this belief out. Early drinking is more likely to lead to problematic drinking.

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troppibambini6 · 05/02/2024 11:19

Really interesting thank you for responding.

I'm starting to think it wasn't actually I reaction to the drink itself but more that it was done without me knowing. Maybe it's because it's the first time this kind of "teenage" thing has happened and as she only just turned 13 I naively thought I had a bit longer.

As someone said maybe it has done me a favour as she didn't like it.

I definitely agree with not making it a forbidden fruit and I've purposely let my older ones have wine with dinner the occasional beer at home.

I do think it was a strange thing to give them as it's not a nice taste for 13 year olds.

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troppibambini6 · 05/02/2024 11:20

@CorylusAgain oh god now I've just read your post!!!

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DocOck · 05/02/2024 11:22

I think it's a bit weird somehow, but that's kind of hypocritical of me as I'd have no issue with them having a mocktail which is no different really.

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anyolddinosaur · 05/02/2024 11:25

Would you feel the same way if they'd been offered, say, appletiser? Both are just fizzy drinks. If your daughter had liked it it would have been something she could have chosen when older if she wanted to look sociable but not drink alcohol.

I wouldnt personally have offered it but it wouldnt upset me either.

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troppibambini6 · 05/02/2024 11:25

@DocOck see I must admit if she had said they had made mocktails I would haven't had been as bothered which I know makes no sense at all.
Maybe because it's just fruit juice? But then I suppose it's still pretending to drink.... if they had but an alcohol free spirit in though I would t have liked that at all.

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JaninaDuszejko · 05/02/2024 11:26

I think mocktails are different because they are just fun fruity drinks. Whereas alcohol free drinks that taste like alcohol are more closely related to drinking culture. Why not just have normal soft drinks? But I wonder if the girl was interested in trying her Mum's prosecco and so her Mum gave her some non-alcoholic stuff and it's now become a thing. I wouldn't complain about it, just think it's a bit strange.

DD1 has had alcopops at parties in the last year, the parents have always discussed it before to check we're OK with it. When she had her 16th party I asked if she wanted us to supply alcohol but she and her friends were quite happy to just have soft drinks. If they're not fussed either way I'm not going to push it.

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