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Feeling scared

6 replies

helpnohelpno · 04/02/2024 22:09

I have an older sister. During our childhood she was fairly awful to me, hitting, name calling , yelling at me, making me do stuff I didn't want to do. (our parents were also pretty horrible but that's another story)

after I had my ds we got closer which was great, then I separated from my husband and she split with her boyfriend and we became a support network for each other. We became really close.

But over time some of the bullying started again, shitty comments, putting me down. This was quite triggering for me and I didn't confront it.

Over the years it got worse and I started to back away. She moved away which I thought would help but it got worse because she would visit for a few weeks at a time and would stay with me but be awful a lot of the time. I find myself walking on eggshells.

Over the last couple of years she has improved, she stopped staying at ours due to lack of room and because she had a couple of falling outs with my dd . Seeing her for shorter periods of time did help and she hasn't been as aggressive .

But I still have my barriers up, I just can't trust her. she recently talked about moving home and was annoyed when I didn't respond excitedly , she kept bringing it up insisting there must be an issue. And in the end I snapped and basically told her how she had bullied me for the past 12 years.

She was taken aback and didn't seem to recognise any of her behaviour. I feel like I've made a huge mistake in telling her. Given that things had got better in last couple of years I feel like I've opened an unnecessary can of worms.

OP posts:
helpnohelpno · 05/02/2024 05:34

Bump

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renomeno · 05/02/2024 06:47

Sorry you're going through this, I think it's good that you've told her but you probably need to do some work on setting boundaries with her. In turn this will reduce the 'fear' response as you will feel more in control.

helpnohelpno · 05/02/2024 08:59

renomeno · 05/02/2024 06:47

Sorry you're going through this, I think it's good that you've told her but you probably need to do some work on setting boundaries with her. In turn this will reduce the 'fear' response as you will feel more in control.

Thank you. I think if I'd have said something earlier it would have been less shocking for her. I just assumed she knew, if I snap at someone I know I've done it.
It's hard as it's always been this way. I feel like my boundaries were there but maybe because I wasn't transparent about them she's been pushing against them.

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helpnohelpno · 05/02/2024 09:16

But yes the fear response is definitely there.

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MrsWhattery · 05/02/2024 09:28

Yes, it’s good that you’ve told her. I had a similar reaction when I finally stood up to my mum after a lifetime of nasty comments and put-downs. She literally said she “didn’t recognise” that she’d done that! It’s bizarre. However, I just started pulling her up on it, every time - just staying calm and saying “that’s really rude and hurtful, why would you say that” - and after a few attempts at being all indignant that I’m being “mean” to her, she has stopped.

Like you say the barriers are still up - and that’s understandable. It’s not on you to work towards a place where you don’t have those barriers - she’s shown you that you can’t really trust her, and it’s a healthy reaction to protect yourself.

But it has taught me that when you are firm and clear with people like this it can work. I tiptoed around my mum for decades, always feeling hurt and slapped down after I’d seen her, yet scared of upsetting her. I was amazed when I found I could just engage with it and tell her I wasn’t standing for it and it worked. As PP said, keep the boundaries strong and the fear will reduce. Flowers

helpnohelpno · 05/02/2024 10:36

@MrsWhattery thank so much that really resonates.

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