How to be a better mum

[ColdinNovember]

I feel like a horrible shouty mum at present.

I work full time so weekends turn in to housework catch up / activities etc

my DC spend alternate weekends with me. They are here in the week too.

I feel I just end up grumpy and shouty

i have to ask them to do anything 3-4 times before it is done.

completely ignore things I say - e.g wet towel left on my bed. Asked to hang up. Find in middle of bathroom floor. ‘Oh yeah I couldn’t reach the hook’ (they can).

clothes left everywhere.

clothes drying everywhere

Nagging them to do homework

just leaving stuff lying around.

our house is small and we have too much but I feel like I’m drowning in it.

bedtime takes for ever and DD especially goes to sleep too late and tired the next day.

I want our time together to be fun and relaxed.

Can you afford a cleaner? To drop a day at work? pay an ironing service? Hello fresh? Come to Jesus talk with the kids about house work?

or just try lowering your standards??

but in all seriousness I’d start with a serious declutter - make the house lower maintenance! And make life lower maintenance too if you can - any kids clubs you can cancel? And volunteering commitments you can shelve for a bit?

How old are the kids?

DC 7 and 10

my standards are low. The house is genuinely terrible. I get 1 room nice and 3 more look a tip. I’m going to try and stretch to a cleaner. It means the place being tidy though which is more of an issue than it being ‘dirty’

working on the clutter.

It is like it doesn’t register how upsetting I find it

I have no solutions, in a similar situation so following to see if anyone has any answers.

If it helps, you're not the only one, I always feel everyone else manages far better ☹️

Could try chore charts / lists. With consequences and rewards for chores done or not done.

My son is only 5 but knows what I expect of him and generally does it well e.g help make his bed, tidy up his toys, clothes in the wash basket etc. I'm quite no nonsense about it all and treat it as the norm.

I was just thinking of this tonight. As they just expect ‘stuff’.

I’m thinking of pocket money for doing homework, making beds, dirty clothes in basket, clean clothes away, brushing teeth, towels picked up, settling down at bedtime quickly . These are the main things I feel like I nag constantly some seem a bit basic and it’s annoying to have to reward basic behaviour but hopefully it becomes routine after a few weeks.

Hire a skip and have a major declutter. Get your money's worth from that skip and seriously go to town with decluttering.

Once that's done, maintain it. Have a look at a woman called Dana K White on YouTube (especially her "container concept" videos about maintaining your decluttered home)

Then, if you can stretch to it, hire a cleaner.

Once the house is in order and can be maintained more easily, I'd say it's time to come down harder on the kids about doing their bit around the house. But you have to have systems in place to make it easier for them like a simple laundry basket set up etc. Tidying is also easier for everyone if there's less stuff in the home and everything has an obvious place to go. Perhaps give them a weekly allowance of pocket money and deduct a certain amount each time a chore isn't done. Again, don't set them up for failure. Make it as easy as possible with a picture chart on their bedroom wall so they know exactly what their chores are.

Also start giving them more quality time and less stuff. Put your energy into one day of the weekend being an experience day. They don't have to be expensive days out. Spending time together is what matters. Look up a recipe with them and they can write a list of ingredients and each be responsible for finding them in the shop, then come home and bake together. That kind of thing.

You could also give a bit of autonomy at bedtime. I'd get timers for their lamps and say the timer is set to 8pm or whatever and that's when the light will switch off. So the sooner they're in bed the longer they've got to read in bed before it's lights out. Something like that. Then they can manage their own time a little and if they dawdle their cutting into their own chill out time before bed. Also takes the burden of nagging off you- the timer is set and that's it.