What is the key to looking half decent?!

[theweecharmbean]

I don't mean being a 5ft 11 size 6 supermodel but just looking nice and tidy and having that look of being put together. We went out with friends yesterday for a hike. I left the house feeling that I looked half decent. My friend always seems to have this effortless put together look even though she may just be wearing leggings and a jumper. Any way I've just seen the photos and I just want to cry. I just look a bit scruffy mess.

•I wash my hair everyday but sometimes, maybe an age thing, it gets quite dry looking and this I think makes me look a mess.
• I have skinny ankles but as you look up my hips seem a lot wider creating a 'V' shape on my bottom half
• I don't have a very good hairline so when the wind blows or the rain makes my hair fkat it shows my cone shape head/ high hairline
• I'm about a size 14 at 5ft 5 so probably look quite frumpy.

What can I do?

I think you are being harsh on yourself. I bet you don't look half as bad as you think you do.

Maybe stop washing your hair evert day, it sounds as though it might be drying your hair out.

I am 5’ 3” and weigh about 8st 7.

Somedays I look/feel really good and all it will be, is a bit of makeup, and taking time over a blow dry. Having said that I have a very good haircut from a very hairdresser that is much remarked up so I think that helps.

The rest of the time I look like I stumble out of the shower and get dressed (via the Oxfam bag) 😀

So in conclusion, a very good hair cut, and a small amount of moisturiser and foundation and bit of lippy, (I don’t bother with eyes, no eyeshadow, no mascara, they are behind glasses so I consider it to be a waste of time.

Sorry that is all I can offer.

I’m about the same size as you and have similar problems, though I suspect I am a fair bit older. I have learnt to have a good hair cut, trim every 6 weeks. It doesn’t have to be a short style, but it sees have to suit your face and be in good condition. Washing your hair every day strips it of natural oils, be gentle with it. I used products with Argan oil in them.
Clothes : buy the best quality you can afford ( look in charity shops for labels and natural fabrics- linen, wool, cotton and cashmere ). Don’t overdo the patterns, classic dressing tends to be plain. Work out which colours suit you best and go on a trying on session. John Lewis do a personal shopper experience, might be worth trying.
Have a make up session in a store, remember less is more. Good luck and have fun.

Awful, isn't it? I catch a glimpse of myself sometimes in a shop window and think "who's that old bag?".

Things that help me are -
Convincing myself I look great so I keep my head up and walk with confidence.
A little bit of make-up helps a lot (when I can be arsed).
Wearing bright colours that suit me.
Smile at people even if they think you're mad.
A nice bright silk scarf tied around the (turkey) neck.
Groovy sneakers that street-savvy youngsters would consider cool.
Slightly outlandish stylish clothes (think Diana Vreeland)
Brightly-coloured spectacle frames
Outrageous sunglasses.

Chuck out everything in your wardrobe that's boring-as-shit or makes you feel frumpy. Buy wild things.

Embrace your age and your (real) size and go for it. Bollocks to everyone else. Dress to impress yourself and make other people smile.

Thanks so much. I'm 42. I used to be quite attractive when I was younger ( if that's not being to big headed) but I feel like I've aged so much. I always wear make up and spend time doing it each morning. I can't work out what's wrong lol

I was also attractive when younger. Fabulous figure, size 8, could wear a bin-bag and look good.

Now I'm 5'2", 10 stones, apple-shaped, jowly, greying hair that looks awful when dyed so I stopped all that, very fat around the middle, and rapidly heading to 60.

I've been much happier since switching to Wild Style (and lots of Japanese designers).

Channel your own Tokyo street style!
https://www.vogue.com/slideshow/the-best-street-style-photos-from-the-spring-2023-shows-in-tokyo

We've all most of us have been there. The struggle is real, especially as we age.
These are few way I try to keep myself together:
Regular haircuts, hair oil at the ends, staying hydrated, exercising, and getting good sleep can work wonders but easier said than done and probs a bit cliché. Make sure your eyebrows are nicely shaped (not like you used a Sharpie), swipe on some tinted lip balm, and keep nails clean (I use wooden cuticle sticks to clean underneath, a 180 file to file the edges and a white buffing block to smooth out any ridges on top) and if you fancy polished. A little bit of jewellery, nice shoes, and an accessory can elevate any outfit. I think accessories are seriously underrated.

I avoid selfies and social media if just not my thing and I tend to stay out of group pics if I know they'll be posted online .. I find the idea of my image being out in the world a bit creepy. If it's any consolation my hair resembles a broom ATM. The hair dryness is so real as the kids say.

Being 5ft 4 and size 14 doesn't make a person frumpy. If that's the case then what would be the damn point of getting dressed up and making an effort if you're just going to look frumpy in any case. You can hardly stretch yourself and grow 3 inches can you.With the greatest respect I think you're being very demeaningful to all those under a certain height not just yourself I'm 5ft 4 and lets just say some what heavy than you and I'm not in any frumpy I can tell you.(,I get dressed up to to to tescos. That said though I do have to Put in the effort to look put together I spend around (or rather it takes me 2 hours to get ready)I'm not one of those lucky blighters that can throw anything on and look a million dollars.
For your hair try Garner Ultimate Blends shampoo!. Delicate oak milk. I used to be like you needing to wash my hair every day. However since using the above mentioned Shampoo and conditioner I'm now down to 2 days a week (Wednesday and Sunday)

That's the point I'm trying to make though- most people I see look fabulous even when just 'thrown together' so I'm honestly not trying to be rude, I promise. This is just a me thing- I just seem to have lost my sparkle and I can't figure out where it's gone.

Thank you for your response- I'm going to try the hair oil and hopefully that makes a difference x

If it helps op I’m 5’11 and size 10 and don’t feel any better than you do!

Firstly, get a decent haircut that you can manage every day. I too wash and dey mine every day and always use a heat protector (Redken blue one).

Wear make up but go for a glowy but pared down approach : Il Makiage foundation put on with a brush, cream blusher on the apples of cheeks, a little mascara and lip gloss. Spray with a fixer spray for all day.

Wear perfume.

Find a slightly tailored wardrobe, for me that is slightly stretchy skinny jeans in the winter with a shirt hanging over and a good quality sweater in a solid but bright colour and knee boots. Or a decent cashmere sweater with a cowl or polo neck. Going out generally a good knitted dress (Hobbs, Jaeger) in a plain colour, a body smoother underneath and a funky scarf or chunky necklace. Knee boots flat or heeled.

Tailored Barbour jacket for casual, decent wool coat for dressy.

In the summer, its stretchy crop trousers, plain or striped top and sometimes a gilet or a pashmina or chunky necklace and either loafers, pumps or sketcher trainers with laces.

I'm 54 & feel it's getting increasingly harder to effortlessly look put together & stylish.

I'm tall at 5ft 9" and have always been v slim. I've been a size 12 for many years however over the past 2 years I was under a lot of pressure in different aspects of my life, in particular work & I gained weight. I went up from an average of 11st-ish to 14st 5lbs & I quite literally didn't know how to dress anyone.

I've changed jobs & am far less stressed & now have the headspace to start focusing on myself again. I'm down a stone now but still have 2 to go. I'm still a bit shocked how easily the weight went on & how hard it is to shift it.

I'm realising that I've reached the age where prioritising myself & my health and wellbeing is paramount. So that's what I'm doing.

I'm eating v healthily. I've cut out alcohol except on occasions. Last year I really tackled my skincare & after a lifetime of difficult skin I've found a routine & products that work & I'm v happy with that.

I get my hair done regularly, & eyebrows threaded. Since the summer I've been getting my nails done & I think that's helped me feel more put together

I have a wardrobe full of beautiful clothes that I can't fit into & a tiny rotation of things that I can wear. That's making me feel rubbish as I've always been a stylish dresser but I'm glad it's winter & I can 'hide' a bit in layers in my new job & work on losing the weight.

My aim is to be back in my lovely expensive stuff by the time the weather improves.

It's a slog but I'm feeling better in myself already as I'm feeling more in control.

Try a good haircut & deep conditioning products for your hair.

Try to figure out what your style is - what look you'd like. Over the past couple of years I discovered brands like me+em, ba&sh, sezane, the kooples & I've bought some really lovely stuff (which doesn't fit now!) But having some things to put on that make you feel amazing is a life changer

Good luck op you can do it!

Bring in good shape, whatever your shape, moderate exercise shows. Clothes that fit your shape and good quality fabrics. Most clothes are man made crap, no matter how nice the cut or colour it just won't sit on the body nicely.

And being happy, ideally in love - it gives a glow no amount of make up can beat

Oh and good diet, minimise processed crap. Fruit, nuts, veg, pulses, eggs, fish etc

Regular sleep patterns I am sure help.

Good hair.

Outfit planning - clothes that go well together (including layers and accessories).

Small amount of makeup.

As an observer, these things make the biggest difference in how put-together someone looks. Still working towards these goals myself, unfortunately, so I have no magic tips...

Specifically in relation to hiking - as my hair also goes mental - be realistic about weather when you leave the house. If it’s winter wear a hat and snood (you will automatically look good in photos if you get a nice wooly hat that suits you). In warm weather style your hair so it’s weather resistant - clips / pony tail etc.

I have hair that’s prone to frizz anyway so I’m convinced the secret to looking put together is good hair (cos I don’t have it!!) but find colour wow spray a godsend that I cannot be without.
i wash hair 2-3 times a week and take care with blow drying it so it looks well; this def helps me feel put together.

I don’t wear skinny jeans or leggings to avoid the v shape you’re talking about.

Slightly baggy trousers seem to make me look slimmer

You're being far too harsh on yourself OP! Give yourself a break! I would kill for skinny ankles - and dont most women have a v shape from their ankles to hips?!
Some random things that make me feel good:
Well conditioned hair. If it seems fly-away, i straighten it sleek. When in a rush - ponytail. I also colour it, i cant bear seeing grey hair (on me).
Face & neck & hand moisturiser. Good dental hygiene.
Bit of makeup - brush-on powder or light mineral foundation, swish of neutral eyeshadow using my fingers, bit of eyeliner, mascara and lip balm. A spritz of fresh citrus/floral perfume.
Cute stylish trainers or chelsea boots.
My middle-aged / mum tum annoys me, so i now buy one-size oversized tops to hide it - they are so comfy, look nice and go with leggings, jeans, joggers, skirts etc.
A bit of simple jewellery.
Reminding myself to have good posture - bad posture looks so bad!

I think the key here is they aren't thrown together. They have put effort in to looking effortless.
When it comes to leggings consider the material, colour and length. At your height having 7/8 lengths may shorten you.
Shape and cut of clothes is important, consider the neckline, a V neck may elongate you vs a round neck which can shorten you.
Accessories, often greatly under estimated for their power, subtle but strong earrings, a couple of chains, etc.
Also bags, I have big chest so crossbody don't look good as the strap sits between my boobs making them look even bigger. A nice small leather back pack can be better for me for casual day out.
With regards to hair, pin it back, tie it up, does a baseball cap or beanie suit you? If it gets windswept and uninteresting stop it from getting windswept.

I'm about a size 14 at 5ft 5 so probably look quite frumpy.

Nonsense! Why would a random combination of perfectly normal height and size look ‘frumpy’?

My first question is why you went out on a hike without a hat? Partly for warmth but, in the context of S&B, beautiful accessories go a long way to helping one look vibrant in photos and in person. These places have the sort of thing I mean.

& Daughter (Expensive)
Community Clothing (Excellent value)
Jo Gordon (Glorious)
La Fetiche (Ditto)
Rosie Sugden (Soft, soft, soft)

So get yourself a luxurious hat, scarf, gloves in lovely, strong colours - they really will be worth the initial outlay. They won’t do everything but it’s a good place to start.

Some brilliant suggestions on this thread!

I am also in pursuit of this and these are my observations:

Face:
Eyebrows
Eyelashes
Lips
You don't need heavy makeup, but keeping your eyebrows shaped, a quick flick of colour, wearing mascara (try brown instead of black if you are pale) then a tinted lip balm or a lip tint brings such colour to the face.
Skin: drink loads of water. LOADS OF IT.

Hair: get it cut regularly, use a deep conditioning treatment once a week, use hair oil every time you wash it, and when you dry it you want to try and blow dry it smooth with a brush, rather than roughly drying it then brushing after (plenty of YouTube videos)

Clothes: figure out what colours suit you, and try to wear them next to your face.
(I am terrible at this - I love black clothes but have to admit they really drain me)

I have also come to the reluctant realisation that every 'put together' person who looks good in achievable, everyday put together looks (you know, comfy yet cool, like when climbing a hill or going to Tesco, not trotting off to an office in the city in neat little tailored dresses) has a little bit of a tan. I am very pale and so this has been a hard pill to swallow as I cannot be bothered to tan!

Also, @theweecharmbean - if you know that leg-hugging trousers don’t flatter you - why wear them? Why not choose hiking trousers that are wider in the leg? And team them with thick chunky socks rolled over the hems. Plus big clumpy boots that come quite high over your ankle. Wouldn’t this give a different silhouette?

(What I’m saying is - you essentially decide how you’re going to look when you buy your clothes and accessories. So don’t buy skinny leggings. Find an option that works better for you. If you make consciously intentional choices it will be easier to achieve the look you want.)

It’s probably an unpopular opinion but some people look on photos better than others. It depends a lot on your face features and quality of your hair. You might look good in real life when you are smiling and moving but when it comes to photo - you look rubbish. It certainly the case with me. My DH doesn’t wear any make up, doesn’t do any extra effort with bright scarfs near his face, he doesn’t cut his hair every 6 weeks but he always look good on photos. I need a lot of preparation and posing. I look awful on spontaneous photos.
So I would look at all advices on here but I wouldn’t make a conclusion that you look frumpy or old from a few photos