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Original poster

Anxiety and silent treatment

19 replies

Labyrinthrat · 03/02/2024 19:20

I have done something really shitty and my bf is rightfully pissed off with me, and I totally accept that. I don’t want to drip feed so I’ll just admit that I did send some indecent pictures to an ex of mine (we are both in relationships and it was really just stupid attention seeking from both of us).
My bf is obviously really angry and has been giving me the silent treatment, and it’s starting to really to get to me because it’s the one thing that really gets under my skin. All I want to do is to apologise and at least talk but he is completely blanking me and I’m feeling so anxious not knowing what is going on. I know that I have really messed up, but I’m really driving myself insane right now and I just want to speak to him but I’m not sure if I’ll make it even worse if I just go over.
I can’t tell my friends and family because I think I’ll be mortified telling them what I have done.
Would you go over anyway and see if he agrees to talk or will I just be making things worse? I really want to safe this relationship so I’m terrified of making things worse

OP posts:
Sirzy · 03/02/2024 19:23

You have cheated on him. You need to give him time and space to decide what he wants moving forward.

JustRobbedAnOldMan · 03/02/2024 19:23

How long have you been in touch with your ex for?

PukkaPi · 03/02/2024 19:23

Oh dear OP.

I think I'd assume that this relationship is over tbh.

Interested in this thread?

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Relationship problems
JustRobbedAnOldMan · 03/02/2024 19:24

Nudes aren't exchanged with exes out of the blue, so I wonder if you're leaving something out?

notknowledgeable · 03/02/2024 19:25

Dont hassle him He is probably not "giving the silent treatment". He is probably stunned and upset and has withdrawn to deal withthe shock

Lovemusic82 · 03/02/2024 19:26

If your looking for attention from another man maybe your not getting what you need from you current relationship? You did it for a reason. Maybe the relationship isn’t worth saving? I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t want to fix it, you have basically cheated on him.

Anjea · 03/02/2024 19:26

I would accept its over at this point.

wheo · 03/02/2024 19:30

Op do you really even want to be in this relationship?

If so then why are you seeking attention elsewhere?

MonsteraMama · 03/02/2024 19:35

I am normally of the belief that the silent treatment is a cruel and childish tactic... But to be honest in this case I don't blame him. I'm trying to imagine how I'd feel in his shoes: hurt, humiliated, confused, devastated, but more than that furious.

I think to be honest you need to give him space and time to process. He might not want to speak to you until he's got his head straight. In an ideal world he'd tell you this so you know what's up, but in an ideal world you wouldn't have sent nudes to your ex so... Give him some time.

Also tbh you should feel like shit, you've done a shit thing.

Original poster
Labyrinthrat · 03/02/2024 19:35

I didn’t leave anything out…I didn’t have contact with my ex for years and we reconnected as friends for a while and it somehow turned sexual despite neither of us wanting anything from one another. I’ve done this in the past as well so it’s probably me who is the problem here. I don’t know why I do this stupid shit because I really love my bf and I hate that I hurt him

OP posts:
Hatty65 · 03/02/2024 19:38

I don't think he's giving you the silent treatment. I think he's ended the relationship and wants no more to do with you. You clearly don't live together.

I don't think there is anything to be said. Leave him alone.

frozendaisy · 03/02/2024 19:48

It's out of your hands OP.

Don't go over there that will make things worse.

Your bf has the freedom to choose to not stay with someone whom is sexting their ex.

You will just have to sit one out.

Whilst you say you really love him, perhaps you don't. Don't beat yourself up. You fucked up, yes, and you may have to accept that this relationship can't be saved.

Try and have a chilled night, don't text bf, or anyone else romantically, message a friend, watch a feel good movie, eat something, have a drink, get some sleep. It won't seem so bad in the morning.

JustRobbedAnOldMan · 03/02/2024 19:52

I commend you on admitting you have a problem, I know it can be tough. It's hard but you need to allow him space. If he's blanking you but you're eager to explain yourself then write him an honest letter but give him the breathing space he's requested and don't contact him again unless he reaches out first. Use this time to take a hard look at why you're engaging in this behaviour, as only you can truly understand your own motivations. Really look within yourself - is this behaviour a way of self-sabotage or seeking attention or something else? If you've done it before what are the triggers and how can you be sure you won't do it again? He may not want to take you back and that would be understandable. If he does gives you another chance at some point you need to be willing to show that you're working on yourself and addressing the root cause of your actions. Sorry, I know it must hurt very much. We're sometimes our own worst enemies.

wellhello24 · 03/02/2024 19:56

JustRobbedAnOldMan · 03/02/2024 19:52

I commend you on admitting you have a problem, I know it can be tough. It's hard but you need to allow him space. If he's blanking you but you're eager to explain yourself then write him an honest letter but give him the breathing space he's requested and don't contact him again unless he reaches out first. Use this time to take a hard look at why you're engaging in this behaviour, as only you can truly understand your own motivations. Really look within yourself - is this behaviour a way of self-sabotage or seeking attention or something else? If you've done it before what are the triggers and how can you be sure you won't do it again? He may not want to take you back and that would be understandable. If he does gives you another chance at some point you need to be willing to show that you're working on yourself and addressing the root cause of your actions. Sorry, I know it must hurt very much. We're sometimes our own worst enemies.

OP I suggest you listen to this very, very kind response. You clearly have a problem that destroys your relationships and hurts the one you love

BlueSkyBlueLife · 03/02/2024 21:33

First, I’m thinking that your bf might not give you the silent treatment as such. But he is hurt, deeply hurt and is choosing to keep to himself whilst he is processing his feelings.

I think you need to leave him alone.
Tell him he can talk to you whenever he is ready.
Give him some space.
And I’d look at what in earth possessed you to do that.

StarDolphins · 03/02/2024 21:36

I would end the relationship if I was your partner so yes he’s BU giving silent treatment when he should just leave.

Gobolina · 03/02/2024 21:36

Labyrinthrat · 03/02/2024 19:35

I didn’t leave anything out…I didn’t have contact with my ex for years and we reconnected as friends for a while and it somehow turned sexual despite neither of us wanting anything from one another. I’ve done this in the past as well so it’s probably me who is the problem here. I don’t know why I do this stupid shit because I really love my bf and I hate that I hurt him

Did you do this to him before or someone else?

Original poster
Labyrinthrat · 03/02/2024 21:47

I did this prior to our relationship to others and I had told him about it because I was ashamed about it.
Thank you, I will leave him alone now

OP posts:
KievLoverTwo · 04/02/2024 02:27

JustRobbedAnOldMan · 03/02/2024 19:52

I commend you on admitting you have a problem, I know it can be tough. It's hard but you need to allow him space. If he's blanking you but you're eager to explain yourself then write him an honest letter but give him the breathing space he's requested and don't contact him again unless he reaches out first. Use this time to take a hard look at why you're engaging in this behaviour, as only you can truly understand your own motivations. Really look within yourself - is this behaviour a way of self-sabotage or seeking attention or something else? If you've done it before what are the triggers and how can you be sure you won't do it again? He may not want to take you back and that would be understandable. If he does gives you another chance at some point you need to be willing to show that you're working on yourself and addressing the root cause of your actions. Sorry, I know it must hurt very much. We're sometimes our own worst enemies.

Very much this. If you are truly invested you should give him some space but write to him. We were having issues three years ago and my OH would write to me telling me he can't talk to me when I am like this and all the things it was making him feel and think. Sometimes it would send me off the charts angry but more often it made me sad and calm and ready to talk.

Really important to know what the root cause is and to let him know it's a priority for you. My suggestion is some unhappiness in your life that is not necessarily your relationship. I act up in the strangest bloody ways sometimes when my head is full of anxiety, but I KNOW my root causes, and how to fix them.

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