Child with ADHD - Medication experiences

[BeckyWithTheGoodBear]

Hi all, my son who is 12, was diagnosed privately with ADHD and ODD last year. He is very good at masking his symptoms at school so it wasn't picked up there. The psychologist at the time didn't recommend medication.

He was always very difficult at home as result of masking all day in school. Poor emotional regulation, short tempered fighting with siblings etc.

However, since diagnosis his behaviour at home has deteriorated even further. I'm not sure if it's a combination of ADHD and puberty but almost every time I leave the room one of his younger siblings is crying that he's hurt them. He "plays" with them and it goes too far.

His language is awful he curses at me and his father constantly and is very very short tempered. He has also gone very right wing and extreme in his opinions and he goes on about them a lot at home. For example he's adopted very conservative Christian beliefs and when I try to reason with him he tells me I'm going to hell. I feel like he starts these conversations just to have an argument with me and his dad.

It all came to a head a few weeks ago when he pushed me, told me to go fuck myself and called me a fucking bitch because I wouldn't give him money he had asked for.

I took him to see a pediatrician privately who has prescribed medication for him. I know he needs it as we can't go on as we are and I want my son back but the side effects of the medication scare me. I'm also scared it won't work.

My heart is broken and I'd love to hear from anyone who has experienced similar and if the medication worked and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks for reading, as you can probably tell I am very very worried about him.

@BeckyWithTheGoodBear i’m sorry you’ve not had any reply to your message. I could have written this myself. Ds12 diagnosed adhd (possibly asd) and i’m thinking ODD.
Identical incidents to yours at home however he also has incident at school with inappropriate language and behaviour.
He was diagnosed over a year and we initially declined meds as things weren’t as severe as they are now that he is in year 7.
He is close to suspension and so we have had to go back to considering medication but nhs route is too long so we are currently perusing it privately so not as close as you.
He struggled with the diagnosis or maybe felt that it’s all out now so what’s the point holding back but as i said we saw a decline in his behaviour after the diagnosis too and not improved much.
He had some therapy last summer which seem to have helped him and us to survive the summer without major meltdown.
Sorry to ramble on.
Have you ended up starting the meds?

DS1 has been taking meds since he was 8, so around 3 years. He only takes them at school for concentration, and they’ve turned his school experience around. He’s excelling academically and is so happy at school.

He struggles with noise sensitivity but that’s more his ASD I would say. He also doesn’t feel hungry during the day, but eats at home.

Medication 100% improved my son's school experience. In Y7 he was getting in trouble daily and was challenging at home. He is now 15, takes medication on school days (started at the beginning of Y8) his progress at school has improved, he hardly gets in any trouble (any sanction is usually for homework) and things at home are so much calmer.

@sunshineandshowers40 that’s great to hear 😊
We have 4 boys at home and so life is super hard at home and really worry about his future carrying on the way he is so this gives us all hope.

Medication is short-acting, it doesn’t remain in the system. Therefore it is something that can be trialled (baring in mind it takes some time to adjust to the appropriate dosage), and abandoned if it isn’t working for him.
However, to me (though I’m no expert!), it sounds like his struggles at home are more related to his ODD, not his ADHD, therefore I’d wonder if ADHD medication is really going to help?
I would suggest looking for an online parent support group specifically for ODD, as I suspect that is where you may find the best informed people on the subject.
Good luck OP 💐

I have ADHD and I’m on medication. I’ve only been on medication since adulthood as my mum refused.

There’s side effects/risk to every medication or vaccine.

Medication won’t be a magic cure to your don’s behaviour. It should stop him becoming board so quickly. You’ll have to structure his spare time still but you should be able to leave the room without him fighting as long as he’s doing an activity.

Is he involved in a church at all? Usually the ones that do Alpha have a youth outreach. He seems to have a warped sense of Christianity that needs to be straightened out.

It sounds one your son is being radicalised online.

I would get all over his internet usage and figure out what sites you need to block.

YouTube is particularly rife for taking kids down suggested video rabbit holes.

im sorry your struggling, both me and my daughter have it too and it’s a lot.

Tools that’s have helped us communicate better are practising non-violent communication (see How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk) and allowing space for even the big scary feelings.

The thing that helped the outbursts most was getting her into a very physical self defence class to burn off some of the more extreme suppressed energy

Medication is hit and miss for people because there are different ways that your dopaminergic system can be malfunctioning.
Dont try one and give up, give at least 3 different ones a try before thinking it won’t work for you

This was my daughter at a similar age and it honestly felt like being in an abusive relationship that you could not walk away from. It was such a relief when she left for University. She was not diagnosed until her A level finals year( during lock down)
She was prescribed Ritilin but never titrated properly as was too chaotic and away from home.
Eventually we took her to a private psychiatrist as her emotional regulation was all over the place and she had twice overdosed deliberately and was self harming. He prescribed an anti depressant that also helps with ADHD symptoms and she has been better on that but she still struggles to get through each day and feels very fatigued most of the time.
I think you have to find strategies to keep siblings safe as we are only really finding out now they are young adults how hard they found her behaviour.
We had to try and depersonalise the vile things she used to say. We never remonstrated with her when she was angry as it would just escalate. We talked to her about it when she had calmed down each time. Her siblings struggled with that too as it looked like she got away with bad behaviour.
It was very hard, but now she lives away from home she calls most days to talk about her day and tell me what a wonderful mum I am!! However, it does not take long, when we are in close proximity for several days, for things to start to go pear shaped again. She just is unable to have a rational debate about any topic