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Doubled booked friends bday and lied about it - should I come clean?

15 replies

namechange58372 · 02/02/2024 08:36

Friend of mine not massively close but she is lovely and has had a rough time recently. I probably see her afew times a year. About 6 months ago she told me she was having a party for her 40th (this month). However since then she hasn't had a great time and nothing was mentioned. I didn't want to bring it up and we had only spoke 2/3 times in the 6 months.

A couple of weeks ago I booked a short break as it's school holidays I think the dates had slipped my mind and tbh I assumed the party just wasn't happening. Which retroactively is abit stupid.

Anyway she rang me yesterday out of the blue to confirm I would still be coming. I was completely out on the spot. Instead of being honest I came out with nonsense about childcare issues completely forgetting some of her friends are friends with my sister. I now keep thinking it only takes a couple of conversations to find out I lied. She has also taken me abit back as instead of just accepting my no she has come up with loads of suggestions can I not use a local baby sitter service etc. I said i would look into it and get back to her. So I feel really bad now.

I know I'm an idiot I just didn't want to hurt her feelings. Would you tell her the truth and apologise for lying or do you think this will make it even worse?

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 02/02/2024 08:40

oh no ! you just need to say you booked a holiday and you can't manage sorry she will probably be peeved with you but it is what it is.

2dogsandabudgie · 02/02/2024 08:42

If it was me I would tell her the truth and then take her out for a meal or afternoon tea for her birthday. Don't let this hang over you. Do it today you will feel so much better.

MCOut · 02/02/2024 08:54

She might be annoyed, but it was a genuine mistake so tell her the truth and apologise. With things like this, if you let it go once lying can easily become a habit to get out of uncomfortable situations.

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namechange58372 · 02/02/2024 09:21

Thanks everyone you're right I do need to tell her the truth. Another friend of mine has just told me to carry on the lie and said I would upset her telling her the truth now. But I think I would spend the next few weeks worried in case the lie came out and that would surely be worse.

OP posts:
Morewineplease10 · 02/02/2024 09:27

In this situation where there's a decent chance she'll find out, tell her.

And as a PP said, take her out for lunch or dinner to celebrate instead? Only offer if you're going to do it. Empty gestures are worse than no gesture.

forrestgreen · 02/02/2024 09:41

'Hi df, when you rang yesterday I was mid thought about childcare, when you mentioned your birthday my brain shut down I'm sorry. I should have said that I presumed you'd changed your mind and I booked a holiday when I hadn't heard anything. I'm sorry, I don't know why I wittered on about childcare. Can we meet before your birthday and I'll take you out for lunch?'

Mrsjayy · 02/02/2024 10:29

@forrestgreen reply is perfect just say that its honest and gentle so it might smooth it over. do it today don't let this go further or it will grow arms and legs

3luckystars · 02/02/2024 10:31

Just tell the truth and you don’t have to remember anything.

I would offer to do something to celebrate her birthday also. Good luck. Do it now, just rip the bandage off and get it over with.

Missingmyusername · 02/02/2024 10:33

forrestgreen · 02/02/2024 09:41

'Hi df, when you rang yesterday I was mid thought about childcare, when you mentioned your birthday my brain shut down I'm sorry. I should have said that I presumed you'd changed your mind and I booked a holiday when I hadn't heard anything. I'm sorry, I don't know why I wittered on about childcare. Can we meet before your birthday and I'll take you out for lunch?'

^ This is good.

Howbizarre22 · 03/02/2024 07:52

forrestgreen · 02/02/2024 09:41

'Hi df, when you rang yesterday I was mid thought about childcare, when you mentioned your birthday my brain shut down I'm sorry. I should have said that I presumed you'd changed your mind and I booked a holiday when I hadn't heard anything. I'm sorry, I don't know why I wittered on about childcare. Can we meet before your birthday and I'll take you out for lunch?'

This. When I’m on the spot I panic & don’t think straight which is maybe what happened here. This response is honest about that and also kind in offering to take her out.

Meadowy · 03/02/2024 09:16

”argh friend, I’ve got in a massive muddle with my weekends, I’ve actually booked a weekend away then a while ago as I hadn’t heard anymore about the party, I have no idea why I’ve been so stupid, sorry, can we catch up for lunch on x date’ key thing is to arrange an alternative so she doesn’t feel that you just don’t want to go.

Newchapterbeckons · 03/02/2024 09:17

Yes tell her with above message.
It’s telling you have only spoken to her twice despite her having issues that were serious enough to compromise her own 40th. It doesn’t sound like you are very close friends at all. She might be hurt, she might put you on the back burner after this. Her finding out you have lied will end the friendship altogether so I would salvage what you can.

Personally I would have checked with her first before booking break….

pictoosh · 03/02/2024 09:29

God almighty WHY do people go straight for a lie?

You should have told her the truth...you hadn't heard anything, assumed the party was off and have since booked to go away for the weekend. Offer a sincere apology and allow her to be pissed off with you if she wants. Be accountable. Make it up to her another way. It would become yesterday's news soon enough.

But no, tell a lie and create more work for everyone concerned instead. Mark yourself out as self-absorbed, weak and that you take her for a fool - much better than a genuine oversight.
Ffs.

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 03/02/2024 09:31

Just tell her.
"I am a bit embarrassed to admit this but I forgot about your planned party. I have booked a break that clashes. I am really sorry that I told what I thought was a white lie in the moment."
Send her some flowers on her birthday.
Or she reads mumsnet. Job done!

StockpotSoup · 03/02/2024 09:55

Surely if you have social media she’ll see you’re away anyway? Unless you’re planning to keep it a secret there too?

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