How to separate the real me from “work me”

[ShitakeHetake]

I’m back to work on Monday after two weeks off. I’ve caught up with the housework, had a good declutter, caught up with my small number of friends and had some nice days out while I’ve been off.

I feel so rested and recharged, and best of all not anxious. In a nutshell, I feel like ME. I feel I have the capacity to get good quality rest, participate in creative pastimes, be social and make plans for the future.

I really want to be able to feel like this all the time when I am not at work, but I don’t know if this is even possible. “Work me” is so different, I feel like someone else between periods of annual leave. I throw myself into my (very responsible) job each day, am mentally exhausted, stressed and anxious, and feel like I’m living on my nerves. I just manage to take the edge off over the weekend then it all starts again. This all gets too much every few months and I feel really quite wretched.

I’m far from a workaholic, e.g. don’t work late, never check my emails or take calls outside of work hours. My job isn’t exactly gruelling, but I have had feedback (both formal and informal) that I am hard on myself and overthink things.

Do other people feel like this? Do other people‘s jobs affect them like this? Is this basically why we have annual leave (to recalibrate)?

Or does this sound like something that I need to address for the sake of my well-being?

Feeling so good just now is making me realise how absolutely shocking I feel normally.

Bump 🙂

I think most of us can relate to this. I don't think it can be solved unless you go part time or retire.
I used to do 3 short days a week and felt like I could be both people although my job is probably not as stressful as yours sounds.
So depressing as the answer may be either find a different job/go part time/wait to retire.
There may be a way to dial down how much you put into your work but you would have to decide how you change sounds quite hard.

Most people I know feel like that, yes.
The weekend is just about long enough to get on top of things and start feeling relaxed and then you're back square one already again.

Hence all the work cliches about the weekend not being long enough and how long is it until Friday.

This is also why it's recommended that you take regular time off, to enable you to fully recharge.

In answer to your question ‘ do I need to address for the sake of my well-being?’ sounds like a firm yes? I have a ‘big’ job which is stressful at times but also rewarding. I had a different job before that was both big and a nightmare of stress. I had some exec coaching and took a sideways step. It is possible to feel rewarded, responsible and not burnt out. As I get older it seems to get easier, mainly coz I cba being a different person at home and at work now!

I don't know if this will be helpful to you OP but I've cracked this in my own life.

I take work at my own pace (excepting serious crises moments). I get what I can done but often it's slower than it might be if I pushed myself harder.

I am very careful to remember what counts and what doesn't.

I often tell myself and my team - in the great scheme of things this issue we are grappling with won't matter or it doesn't matter enough to warrant unhappiness/ stress/ anxiety or whatever.

Some things do matter and I take those things seriously but a lot of things won't matter in the long term.

I try and wear the responsibilities lightly.

Family and health first.

Thank you for posting OP, I am exactly the same. I only said to my DP the other day that I seem to spend all of Saturday mentally processing the week just gone, and then Sundays are when I start thinking about the week ahead. Totally get that ‘living on my nerves’ feeling.

However I suspect I am older than you and I plan to retire in the next couple of years (in my late 50s). I’m dropping to 4 days soon to help with the transition. I’m hoping that if Friday can become my recovery day then I might have more relaxing weekends!

For me i cheat and don't treat myself only on my days off. For example i might get a takeaway on a Monday night to ease my way back in, Tuesday night I'll do a face and hair mask, soak my feet, do my nails and watch tv, Wednesday go to a fitness club, Thursday go for a walk pick up a hot chocolate on my journey then Friday and Saturday see my friends/family and then Sunday quick tidy up because I've done most as I've plodded along but 100 percent fresh bedding and go up to bed about 9 and chill out in my room reading or whatever ready for Monday. I just make sure I don't only have treats and self care on my days off so often feel rejuvenated

I think you need to re-think your work. If you already got feedback then go back to your boss and see how it can be addressed.

There are work coaches you can go to who look at your way of working and work with you to make changes.

No work where you aren't on call all the time should make you permanently exhausted and stressed.

Also, what are you doing in the evenings and weekends? Do you take enough time for yourself? Do you exercise or at least be physical with gardening or going on walks?

What is your sleep pattern? How is your electronic usage before bed?

What kind of job do you do? Sounds to me like you seem to have no control over your workload and it’s timing.

I work in a highly unpredictable environment, but in a senior position. By Thursday I’m knackered and I realised I need to change the way I work. So for me, Thursdays are now dedicated to menial tasks that don’t require all my brain and physical power. I choose to do something rather repetitive and predictable. Fridays I reserve for trying loose ends, I make big pots of coffee and bring in some pastries, I deliberately set a jovial ‘Yay it’s Friday’ tone and focus more on my team’s wellbeing. It’s for solving stalemate problems with a cup of good coffee and some pastries. We work just as hard, but we know we’ll have 15-20 min to unwind in the afternoon, we take turns, so the ones on the ‘shop floor’ know they’ll be relieved soon for their turn. I find out what people love to do, and what they hate, so I time their tasks accordingly.
The main thing is we take time to set up for the following week, it’s all tidy and ready to go for Monday.

Mondays are for shitshows. Because the basics are there and we prepared as much as we humanly could, we expect to be problem solving on the spot for the next 4 days. It’s adrenaline and go go go and it’s chaos. So I know I won’t have time to unwind until Thursday, but by now everyone knows that I’ll do the ordering on Thursday, I’ll look at next week on Thursdays etc. Everyone send me stuff ‘for Thursday’ throughout the week.
What I do though I work late on Wednesdays (an extra hour) and set times and slots for the stuff I do on Thursdays.

My template might not work for you. But it might give you a moment to pause and look for patterns in your workload and not be at everyone else’s beck and call constantly. It might give you time to think: when am I at my most productive and what gets in the way. And make you think you need to be kind to yourself and to others and actually carve time in your week for that.

Lots of good ideas and questions.

I am a healthcare professional, making decisions that could potentially cause someone significant harm or death if I am not switched on, but appreciate there are far more responsible jobs out there - I’m not a surgeon or a pilot!

My work is not overwhelming in terms of volume or content, but it seems to really affect me as I take it so seriously. So I feel a bit pathetic sometimes! I seem to dwell on worst case scenarios and feel on edge all the time.

I don’t have children or pets, and have a happy marriage, so I’m not frazzled by other responsibilities.

I like the idea of a work coach, and of engineering a work life balance. It does feel like I’m at the mercy of whatever is thrown at me, but I think it would be possible to change this by coming at this issue from a new perspective with clear priorities.

I want to be healthier, less overweight, less screen addicted, but I feel trapped in this cycle of the working week.

Sorry for the ramble 😵‍💫