Sister and data WhatsApp use - annoying

[Fushia123]

My sister is a fierce data watcher and communicating anything by WhatsApp is very irritating! We have a WhatsApp group with my other sister - mainly to sort out visits, appointments etc to our elderly mum who lives on her own. You get no response at all from her during the day when it matters and then she replies about 11.30 pm when she’s turned it on again! I understand that she has a right to do what she wants but it can cause real irritation.
She is just the same with texts.
Her right to choose trumps all requests for her to change apparently.
What would you do?

I'd buy her a data package. Although I don't think that's the real problem. Texts & WhatsApp don't use 'data' and, in any event, it isn't cheaper in the evening.

Whatsapp definitely does use data, it's an internet messaging site. If you aren't connected to wifi it will use the mobile internet connection instead and maybe she doesn't pay for a big allowance and doesn't want to waste it

I'm so confused - so she won't text but will use WhatsApp but only on wifi? If she is on a low income and has to watch her moneys like a hawk yabu

She probably just doesn't like being contactable at all hours.

Acknowledge that she is going to reply late at night.
Sort out stuff during the day, leave her with a message along the lines of
"Everyone is free weekend of 28 Feb, everyone except Balonz can do 17 March, unless we go to their city, which is better for you"
Deal with her response when you want.
You can't make her change her ways, you can only moderate your feelings on how she chooses to live.

Do you mean she doesn't have data so has to use wifi? WhatsApp does use data but it's a very small amount, Im' not sure that I understand why she refuses to do so. is it because of security/privacy concerns?

Having said all that, you don't have the right to expect people to respond to messages instantly. If you want a quicker, more instant response, call her and hope she has time to talk to you.

I don't think you can insist she changes her ways. Unfortunately, it's a case messaging as soon as one of you is aware something needs to be sorted. On the positive side, at least it sounds like she gets back to you within 24 hours, I'm still waiting for a reply to something I sent to a friend a few days ago that she'd be really interested in - it's not just me, she's the same with everyone.

YABU to expect anyone to reply to your messages when YOU want them to and not when is convenient to them. Your messages are not a summons (to butcher a popular Mn saying)

Surely you're not arranging these appointments last minute ? If so, call her.

Sorry OP but I’ve started doing this myself. I use the settings on iPhone so I can only receive phone calls (not messages) for certain hours. Then I catch up on WhatsApp and other messages in a couple of batches during the course of the day (late morning and early evening usually). I also block lots of apps during the focus time as well. I get so much more done and feel a whole heap less frantic. I always answer a phone call from someone so people are learning to ring if it’s urgent (it rarely is). Messages are there to be sent when convenient for the sender and read/responded to when convenient for the recipient.

It's a good way to stop overwhelm. I only have WhatsApp on my desktop and check it periodically, if something is urgent they can call me.

What is the actual reasoning behind her "data watching" - especially if she's the same with texts?

Data is reasonably cheap and plentiful - a super quick google search brings up voxi with unlimited social media(so free whatsapp anyway) plus 15gb for £10 a month, with unlimited texts and minutes.

Is it actually a cost issue? If so, is she in a stupidly expensive contract and can you help her change it?

Or is it something else - if she's the same with texts - they've been unlimited for years now....so I wonder if its more being mindful of her screen time or some other reason she has her phone off?

If so, I think you need a frank discussion....that your mum is getting older and you need a faster response - could you agree that'd she'd check on her phone more often - even if it's only set times. It's not that messages need an instant reply but I get it can be irritating to message someone - and basically a message chain that could take 5 minutes be spread over 5 days.

Either that or ring her for everything that needs an urgent response.

I've only recently got data.

Before that I used payg and would pay around £10-£20 a year. I now pay £5 a month for 5GB and free texts and never have needed more. Two of my dc (age 23 and 16yo) still are on payg and again they're looking at less than £20 a year. In fact I can't remember the last time I topped ds up. Probably about 15 months ago, and I put £20 on.

But when I was on PAYG just putting the data on was £2. I got a reasonable amount of date for that (for 24 hours) but I almost never did that unless it was really crisis level. I'd only use the internet when I had Wifi.

I do like having data, but it isn't necessary.

Live with it. She's got bills to pay.

I have tried to talk to her about this. She is adamant that she won’t change, even for the brain health of her sisters! Her phone use in all areas is unreliable.
She doesn’t always pick up when I ring her. We try to organise mum’s stuff as far ahead as poss but sometimes things come up. She lives 10 mins from mum whereas my sister and I are half an hour away.

What is wrong with her replying at a time which is convenient to her?

rather than a phone data usage, this sounds like she doesn't want to be the defacto in an emergency just because of her distance. For planning stuff in advance, a once a day look at all the messages is probably easier and isn't really a problem. For emergency stuff, a rota of days might be best

You can't make someone look out for their elderly parent. They aren't legallly obliged. You need to discuss with her what she is willing to do eg if you think your mum needs a visitor every day then set up a rota that you all know about and each sister visits every third day. Once the rota is up and running you won't need to discuss it. Keep shared diary (at your mum's) to record appointments and whoever is visiting that day is responsible to either do the appointment or find cover.

Then nothing urgent should ever need what's apping unless it's a genuine emergency.

Thank you and @Balaru @choux
We try to do all of those things together already. We do take turns and share out the jobs fairly. One prob is that she wants freedom to visit when she wants to and is already there for ‘a chat with mum’ when I get there on one of my organised days. Between us we look after her very well - she is disabled but living independently with our help but it could be easier for us.
I can understand her viewpoint but she point blank refuses to consider mine! Will continue to be irritated inwardly and put up with it I think. 🤐

What's wrong with her already being there? Presumably she does her caring days and you do yours. Nothing wrong with her visiting on top of that, outside the caring capacity.