Photos on husbands phone

[ohididntrealise]

I've found photos of women on my husbands phone.

They are generally screenshots of fb profile photos. A few different ladies. Some of them are acquaintances of ours. My guess is that he has screenshotted the pics (bikini pics, generally) and sent them to his friends 🙄

Some photos of scantily clad women screenshotted from Instagram etc. These are influencer type women, not women he personally knows.

A few are women I don't recognise. Don't know if he's screenshotted them, been sent them by friends, or been sent them by women.

There is no evidence of him messaging any women, and he doesn't have the time to be meeting up with anyone.

On his camera roll of maybe 3,000 photos, about 15 are these type.

If I was to confront him, I'm guessing he would roll his eyes and say it's just "lads being lads" and sending photos of good looking women to each other.

Which I think is probably true.

However, I hate the fact that he is doing this.
We have young kids. I had two pregnancies in quick succession. I've gone from a side 10
to a 14/16 and I know I don't look good. So it - understandably - makes me insecure and jealous and feel like shit.

Secondly, the women / girls that we know. This makes me VERY uncomfortable. I'm cringing even typing this, but one of them is our young dog walker. She's about 21, but i can tell she was younger when the photo was taken. Maybe 18. (The dog died about 6 months ago, so we no longer see her). I can't remember when he took the screenshot, I didn't check the date. A while ago, anyway.

My husband is 38.

I know how disgusting this makes him sound

Don't even know why I'm posting really. I know it sounds totally horrible.

He's a decent man. He's polite, respectful and a good dad. And he would never behave inappropriately towards a young girl.

So why is he a pervert creeping about their facebooks and taking screenshots?

Bump

He's not decent or respectful of women
Decent men don't screenshot women and share photos like this
Sorry op but you need to really think about this

Men can be such pathetic, sad fuckers.

Did you look in deleted or hidden folders?

Yes. Empty.

Ask him why they’re there.
I’m in a WhatsApp group chat with about 10 other people and pictures auto save to my phone - goodness knows what’s in there (as I don’t check it much) but I’m guessing there’s probably a few pictures of women amongst them.

As can women - I found my ex was cheating on me as she’d been receiving endless pictures of a good friend’s ‘thing’.

Let’s not make this sexist as bad people exist in all forms.

That's a bit of a stretch. I screenshot and send my mates all kinds of random shite on my phone. People are putting stuff out on social media so they clearly don't care about others seeing it.

Ask him OP, but it's not something that I personally could get het up about

It's not lad's being lads

It's misogynistic bullshit, disrespectful and degrading.

Honestly how would he feel if you were looking at sexy young men on your phone, men you both know, or only fans men?

It's just ergh and we need to tell men it's not acceptable

I would not like this.
How would you feel if your 20 year old dd brought home a 38year old man who behaved like this? I doubt you’d be over the moon.
He doesn’t sound like either a great dad or decent to me.
Do you behave like this op?
Do you collect photos of young men that you know and send them to other 38 year old married mothers to pass around?

Thing? Do you mean penis? You're allowed to say it.

But yes, you're right, women can cheat and perv too, it's just much less common than it is for men. Sad but true.

OP - yes, it does sound like he's a perv who just doesn't let on to you. It can't be a case of random WhatsApp pics as the dog sitter would only have come from him presumably. And perving over an 18 year old isn't great, it would make me feel uncomfortable, but then I suspect it could be quite common for men to find 18-21yr olds the prime age to perv over.

I think I'd have to say something as i couldn't hold it in. But there won't be a satisfactory response as he's definitely perving, I guess it's just whether you can accept that or not.

@Deathbyfluffy and @IIdentifyAsInnocent some of the stuff has undoubtedly been sent by his friends in group chats.

They are in the "WhatsApp" folder.

Some of the stuff is in the screenshot folder, so I know he's screenshotted them.

Some of them are women I don't know (a couple are quite average looking, fully clothed, non posed photos). Some of them are clearly insta models or whatever (not so bothered about them).

The ones I am unhappy about are:

One of a girl lying on a bed, taking a sultry selfie (don't recognise her)

The girls / women who are acquaintances (including the young dog walker, and one of her friends).

We live rurally, a long way from his friends, so I know he is the only one who knows these girls / women.

I could ask him, but what's the point? He's going to be embarrassed and say he thought they were hot so took pics to send to his friends.

There isn't really another answer, is there?

Get real ladies. 99% of blokes look at this sort of stuff.....

@WhichIsItWendy Yes, this has summed up how I'm feeling.

As I say, the girl is maybe around 20 / 21 now.

The pic he has screenshotted is her fb cover pic, and I can see from her face she looks younger and when I click in and see the date it is from a few years ago.

My guess is he thinks she's hot, looked her up to get a photo and sent it to his pals saying "look how hot my dog walker is" 🙄

It's a tough one because they're are posters on here saying "he's not a nice guy, your husbands a pervert"

And if I read this I'd think the same.

But I do think he's a nice guy. He just obviously has this seedy side to him that most / a lot of men seem to have.

As to whether or not I can accept it.....as depressing as it sounds, I think if I wasn't to accept it, I'd be single forever. Because I do believe that most men do this, even if some women swear blind their husband doesn't.

Also, no, I don't like it, and it doesn't make me feel good. But I can't divorce my husband over him exchanging photos of good looking women with his friends, as some of the more extreme posters seem to suggest on these threads.

I think it is something I am going to have to raise with him. I just can't do it just now, as it would reveal how I saw them, and I don't want to do that.

Yes, this is my thinking.

Are you male or female?

If female, how would you feel about it?

You are in such a tricky situation

So I had something similar happen a few years ago but not with pics per say. I confronted him an he totally gaslighted me. Didn't bother me too much though as I was well aware of how he was trying to handle the situation.

Looking back now I wish I had handled it differently but we can only live an learn.

My concern is you are already making up excuses for his behaviour so you obviously want to believe the best but you need to weigh up what would happen if you did confront him versuses how you may continue to feel if you don't confront him. Will you still feel like you can trust an respect him?

It wasn't so much the trust for me but the lack of respect I had for him in how he responded to my questioning him.. I never did gain my respect for him back xx

Really don't think this is a big deal. Female, married. My husband is in WhatsApp groups and gets sent all sorts.

Your husband hasn't done anything but look at photos that people have themselves made publicly available, and probably swapped them with mates with no malicious intent or real life consequences.

Is it any different to teenagers having pictures of the latest heartthrob on their wall? I used to have a topless Adam Ricketts (remember him anyone?!) on mine!

Similarly, I could see myself having a laugh with mates and sending a picture of a celeb/acquaintance/hot neighbour etc., and feel like it was harmless fun.

I think looking at his phone is the worse crime here. Confronting him probably a lose-lose situation.

It's his wank bank, simple as that. Not exactly nice but I suspect that most guys have similar on their phone. The clever ones probably keep it better hidden or just access the girls accounts when they 'need to'. The fact that it's people you know and that some are so young would be the concerning factor for me but we're all different in what we accept. I think you need to tell him how it makes you feel. If he's a good guy like you believe he'll understand, sometimes they need these things spelt out to them.

I actually don't think he'd mind.

I'm not sure what the difference is. I don't know if it's just because he's a guy; possibly not because I do know that some men get very jealous about things like that.

He is quite secure in himself (but not cocky / arrogant), whereas I have always been more self-conscious.

But no, I don't think he would be bothered.

The age thing....we don't really know any "young" men. Celebritywise, I had a bit of a crush on Tom Holland and Harry Styles who are both younger than me. He just laughed.

If there was a good looking guy in his early 20s who we knew, and he found his photo on my phone..... I'm not sure how he would react. I think he might just laugh.

I don't think he would feel threatened by it.

I wonder if the difference is that as a slightly overweight, frumpy mum approaching 40, there is no danger of these young men being interested in me.

Whereas my husband is a good looking man in his late 30s. It's not inconceivable that younger women would be interested in him.

To put it another way, if he was single, I wouldn't see a problem with his behaviour. All these girls have out these bikini pics as their fb profile photos. They are obviously happy for them to be seen. I don't think he's particularly out of order for screenshotting and then (presumably) sending to his friends. I don't think it's misogynistic.

My issue is that he's not single.

He is a great dad 🙄

That's too much of a leap you've made there.

Yes, a lot of this is my thinking.

Just not a great feeling as I'm getting older and struggling with my weight.

And yes, fair point about looking at his phone.