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How do I learn to relax and stop this ridiculous over thinking?

2 replies

Getonnow · 31/01/2024 10:57

I've been single about 3 years, for really what is the first time in my adult life. I married very young, now middle aged.

I am genuinely really loving my single life. I've put a real effort into developing it and I'm proud of myself. I liked being married too, but I can see I did lose myself in being a wife and mother, to some extent, for 30 years.

I have a varied group of friends, through some varied interests and have learned to enjoy doing things on my own. A touristy day out on my own, with a restaurant dinner and a glass of wine in the evening is actually one of my very favourite things to do. I like company too, but doing these things alone seems to bring a special level of peace. I'm going on a trekking holiday on my own next week. I'd never want to give that freedom up.

I also enjoy male company and I wouldn't say no to some decent sex, but I really have no ambition to "settle down". I'll never live with a man again. That said, I don't think I'm a ONS or FWB kind of person, sex is emotionally more important to me than that.

So, what I'm saying is, I can't see how you develop a close relationship with a man, when you know you don't really want it to progress the way relationships do. Obviously there's a lot of time and things to happen between first date and that, and I'm overthinking, as I do.

What am I missing?

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 31/01/2024 11:03

Don't think you're missing anything TBH - your life sounds idyllic!

When you meet someone you like the look of just be really clear that on what type of relationship you're looking for - I think most men of your age group would be quite happy with that sort of set up; all the good bits without having to take it to the humdrum. Good luck 😉

frozendaisy · 31/01/2024 11:47

Human beings just don't work like robots and are going to follow a set of rules for ever.

If you meet someone whom you like and want to develop a relationship you are likely to change your mind.

If I met someone (middle aged here) and there were a list of "rules" I would run for the hills.

You can decide that you will never again do anything that doesn't feel 100% what you want.

But no one can predict for certainty what they will want in a decade.

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