Losing friend to the woo side 🔮

[Lwrenagain]

Has this happened to any of you, if so will you please share your experience/any advice?
I haven't left the friendship but I'm growing increasingly frustrated by it.

Over covid most women locally seemed to become into crystals, spirituality, tarot cards etc, there was many memes about it. I am a devout atheist, however I respect religion/spiritual connections others have, never judge or critique, its just simply not my jam.
Anyway like most passing fads most my pals got over the crystal stuff when lockdown buggered off, besides my best friend.
She's spent years now becoming involved in all things woo. Some of her opinions/beliefs are truly fucking offensive. One of my life concerns is child safety and when discussing a wee kiddo who was brutally killed by parents, she said, "well lwren, this baby chose their parents, we all do", as if absolving the parents from their brutality.
From that she kind of fell into conspiracy theories, covid etc, believes 100% all medicine is evil, anti vaxxer now, there is so much I can't even unravel it.
Shes since made friends with other spiritualist types who go to her to hear about how proud their ancestors are of them, life advice, all sorts of things I don't understand or pretend to, but it's very much her only conversation.
Believes Andrew tate is right etc, I just don't see her ever not being this person. She gets too much validation from others without taking accountability if she's been wrong, blaming the moon or Jupiter etc, I love her dearly but I can't even have a period pain without it being something to do with the spirits.
My newborn was very unwell when born and needed a lot of medical treatment, we stayed in hospital for a while and when my baby got better she told me it was because her group of spiritualist friends did a healing session on my baby (nothing to do with the docs/nurses/hcas and medical intervention) and that this group who healed my dd where getting karmic rewards for what they had done for my baby. My partner hit the roof hearing that, I was able to be a little more bemused and let them enjoy their success, either way, I was just happy to take my healthy baby home.
But it's getting worse and worse, everything, and I mean everything is dissected for a spiritual connotation and I'm struggling to have any enjoyable conversations with her.
However, since finding this spiritual side she's much happier as a person and I am happy for her to be in a place of personal peace.
But it does bore the tits off me and I do miss a little bit more rounded natter, but I feel a selfish fucker even admitting to that 🤦🏼‍♀️

Urgh.

I'd be too busy to see her much and would look for structured ways to catch up, like doing something you both like that gives you something else to talk about. But I don't like confrontation.

Making your baby's health all about her is really wrong. You could grit your teeth and actually talk to her about that.

Fanatics are wearing. Bin the friendship?

How do you love her dearly? What about her do you love?

Yes, mostly older people radicalised through Facebook. I get it, life is scary and they feel powerless. My own approach is to reclaim power over my own life through positive active work, eg politics, environmentalism, feminism but that's too hard for many.

This woo woo stuff can be all consuming and it sounds to me as if she's gone too far, it's fine to believe in spirituality and not, but there has to be a line to draw, she knows you're not into it and should back off with her opinions and save them for her woo woo friends, there's nothing worse than the converted spouting off when it's not wanted or asked for. I'd tell her politely if you want to remain friends that you don't want to hear about her woo woo stuff and get your friendship back on track as it used to be.

How weird. All the spiritual woo folk I know would be completely opposed to Andrew Tate and his ilk. That doesn't seem to match somehow.
I'd cool off the friendship tbh. I'm relatively woo but I'd struggle with the anti-vax and with her basically saying she cured your child.

It sounds as if the person you were friends with no longer exists. Tell her you're done, but that if she ever regrows her braincells, to get in touch.

I think it's his "depression isn't real/vaccines are lies" lines that she's drank the kool aid with.

Who she was. I still love that person. I'm not someone who can walk away easily from people and I'm wondering if I'm the problem here, because she is much much happier than she's been for years with her new lifestyle. Surely a good friend supports someone with their happiness instead of pissing all over it?
I'm quite confused really. Who she was before the cultist behaviour took over was truly a sensational person.

Fucking hell, she sounds bonkers.

I’d keep my distance for the time being.

I think you need to distance yourself a bit frankly. Friendships do shift and change so it might be that this is a long term distance or just for a while until she settles down into what will hopefully be a happy medium.

I am like you and not in the slightest bit woo. I don't mind a bit of it and can certainly respect other people's beliefs and actually, I guess I do think there's a lot of power out there that we don't understand etc - I'm just not particularly interested in exploring any of that. But if someone tells me that my sick baby is better because they prayed over it, I think I'd probably respond with something like, "Thank you for being supportive, but I think I'm going to give most of the credit to modern medicine."

But then I have a very religious friend who is constantly bemused when other religious people want to limit medical care or insist that birth is natural or whatever. She likes to say, "God gave us these amazing brains and freewill so that we could learn and grow and develop, so I don't understand why he wouldn't want us to make childbirth and health as good as we can make it." That's my kind of religious person!

Why would you be the problem?

Your friend has embraced the offensively stupid.

Surely even her moronic comment about babies 'choosing' the abusive parents who subsequently murder them is enough to show you that, let alone her asking to be congratulated for the recovery of your new baby rather than the doctors, nurses and modern medicine?

Her happiness is irrelevant, really. People are happy when they find validation and like-minded people, and that's regardless of the value/ethics of whatever it is they've taken up. It could be doing triathlons or macamé, or it could be far-right anti-immigration protests.

You say you never critique and never judge. Well, you should. Isn't it worth a go to see if your old friend still exists, somewhere deep inside this deluded woo-merchant?

Erm - I'm a witch and have been for 20+ years, I meditate daily, use crystals and read tarot etc., but I don't believe babies choose their parents and if I did, I'm fairly sure I wouldn't be sympathising with murderers!

I despise Andrew Tate and everything be stands for, am not a flat earther and don't believe in conspiracy theories. I had both COVID jabs plus one booster.

All my children had their COVID jabs, are vaccinated against MMR and all childhood illnesses etc.

Your friend sounds strange and maybe has some issues besides just being 'woo' and the reason she latched onto the spiritual stuff was because of undiagnosed mental illness, extreme stress or anxiety...?

I've known quite a lot of very religious people that seem to put everything good or bad, down to "God's work" and absolve themselves of all responsibility for their actions.
Often think it must be nice to just float around in life, never having to take responsibility for your life, it must be very freeing.

Maybe that's what attracted your friend to the woo stuff? It's probably easier to start messing around with crystals than joining a church and studying the bible....

But yeah, if she bores you, either speak to her and tell her to ease up on the spiritual talk or just start distancing yourself from her.

This.
I’m a bit woo but keep it to myself.

I’d find that spiral into blaming dead children for choosing the wrong parents, becoming an Andrew Tate supporter etc. pretty tough to stomach. It’s similar to Americans who pivot fully to a Qanon mentatlity.

A lot of them are just permanently lost to it.

There’s a British woman called Kate Shemirani, anti-vaxxer and conspiracy theorist, whose son has given interviews as to what it’s like having a mother who’s lost to this kind of world.

This is about more than her being a bit woo. Spirituality and conspiracy theories are two very separate things. It's very hard to maintain a friendship with someone who's become a conspiracy theorist as it consumes their whole life and becomes their whole identity.

Sadly it sounds like she's no longer the person you once knew. As you've noticed she's getting a lot of validation in her echo chamber so it's unlikely to be a passing phase.

A few years back I had to cut ties with a former best friend because we'd both changed and developed too drastically different views and values that we were simply no longer compatible as friends. It hurts a lot, feels very similar to a romantic breakup, but sometimes you do have to recognise when a friendship isn't working anymore.

Spiritual woo wouldn’t bother me at all. Even the ‘we healed your child’ thing. Yeah ok then. 🙄If she was a good friend in other ways I could put up with it.

Andrew Tate love and excusing child abuse on the other hand, I’d shut that shit down fast. If it ended the friendship then so be it.

Thank you for your replies, I appreciate it.

When we moved to where we are now she was my first friend and I think time does guilt me to staying in situations a bit.

I'm happy for others to embrace their woo and I'm happy to listen, but it's reached a point nothing that happens is a fault of common sense/rationality. A headache is no longer i need to drink a glass of water or lay off the coffee, it's my tribal ancestor raging with me over something and sending me messages.
It's alot tbh.

Thanks for your advice, I will talk to her and if she chooses to not continue friendship because I'm not supportive I'll be hurt but less frustrated.

Unfortunately her needs are being more successfully met by this new life than they were by her old life, and as long as that continues, she will stay on the road she is on.

In terms of your friendship, it is disastrous because you basically can't connect in any way that is meaningful. I wouldn't fall out with her though, just build on other friendships and wait to see if something puts her off the woo or lures her back to normality (with any luck).

It’s really difficult. My best friend feel deep into covid conspiracies. It started right at the start of the pandemic and the lockdowns made it worse as she was stuck inside doing ‘research’ online all the time. I really tried to keep the relationshio going but found myself feeling anxious around her. I was walking on eggshells trying to avoid topics but as the main topic worldwide was Vaccines and covi and lockdowns it was very hard. Made worst by the fact that she is neighbor.

Our relationship ultimately broke down. And I really miss her, but I think I miss the old her. She was creative and fun, a bit narcisistic but very charming. We were like sisters in a lot of ways.

It was very hard to confront her and try and rationalize, she could never take any responsability and sort of accused me of wanting to take my distance so blamed me for our friendship ending. Sometimes I have arguments with her in my head to try and explain my experience of it all because I never felt heard. She just wanted everyone to agree with her. Agree that Bill gates was out to kill us all, that the vaccine was a depopulation programme, that it was gene therapy, that vaccinated people could infect others with ‘protein spikes’, that there was Great Reset happening and all out belongings would be taken away. There was a power cut once and she really thought that it was the start of it all….

But I do miss her and it’s been so hard. All this to say I’m sorry and I know how painful it is

@Beebird, I could have written that, I'm so sorry! I miss my pal also, I'm still in her life but it isn't the same.

Fwiw, I argue with everyone in my head because it's the only time they'll listen.
It's so unfair that as soon as views don't align the friendship ends, probably in time you and I and people like us will realise it was probably a one sided friendship x

I know…there seems to be so many rifts in families and friendships over this stuff. They have moved on now to attacking trans communities. I guess there will always be something. I’m experiencing some anger now, hopefully this mean I may get over it soon. Thanks for replying and yes hopefully we can get some closure soon even if it’s our own personal closure xx

".......moved on to attacking trans communities..." EH????

you will find that a lot of qanon consipracists also have problems with movements against systemic racism, pro choice, lgbtq and so on. I’m not saying everysingle oneof them but there is a common thread. All stemming from far right republican parties in the US.

I’m really struggling with two very old friends for the same reason. One is becoming increasingly outspoken on social media in a very anti-western medicine way. The other has gone down the conspiracy theory route, anti-vax etc. She leads community groups that are attended by mostly elderly people. Last week she postponed a meet-up with me because, in her words, “i might well have Covid”. She hadn’t tested but had lead three of her groups that week while feeling “flu-ish with a sore throat”. She was in direct contact with over 100 older people because she didn’t want to miss out on the money - she told me that’s why she worked while unwell. I just can’t understand how she could do that, and I’m feeling that maybe I need to step away from this friendship!