Feel as though I'm failing my newborn baby

[user738383]

This is going to be a long thread. Apologies in advance. Please do not comment if you have nothing productive/positive to say as I'm already feeling extremely low.

I gave birth to my newborn baby at the end of November (she's 9 weeks tomorrow) via c-section. I had her three weeks early due to complications with my placenta. Was initially meant to be induced but it wasn't really working so I opted for a c section.

Being a mum is something I always wanted for myself. I always envisioned myself having around two kids and pouring the unconditional love I believe a mother should give her child, into my own children.

I found the early newborn stage somewhat difficult but nothing major. Just adjusting to the postpartum anxiety and recovering from a c section. I'm someone that can survive on minimal sleep so I was okay with waking up every two hours to feed my baby.

However, I noticed 2-3 weeks in that she was always restless, always spat up a lot of her milk, had a screaming cry, had eczema, pain when pooping (would cry so much) and after speaking to many professionals I finally spoke to a doctor who suspected she has a CMPA and this doctor did prescribe her Pepti 1. I also spoke about how I believe she has reflux symptoms and was prescribed Gaviscon.

Anyways, fast forward she has been on the Pepti 1 milk around 5 weeks and after week six I'm supposed to give her normal formula again to see if the symptoms return and if they do then she would be given an official diagnosis.

I've found the last few weeks really hard. Although I thought her getting the prescription milk and Gaviscon would take some time before I could see any difference. I feel like I've found it's gotten worse. My baby cries for hours and hours. She wants to be held and kind of rocked up and down constantly. She cries when feeding, has bad reflux after feeds, cries to be fed every two hours (still at almost 9 weeks) but then also refuses some kf these feeds but then cries as she wants milk, takes a few sips then lets out a painful cry. I've tried the Gaviscon, Pepti 1 and Infacol. Nothing seems to help. Although she wakes up every 2 hours I'm not actually getting much sleep because after drinking milk she's restless and makes many noises (that scare me and keep me up. By the time she settles it probably takes 1-1.5 hours and I then only get half an hour - 40 mins sleep before she wakes up again and the whole process repeats.

When she naps during the day, she's restless, she naps for ten ish mins then cries and wants to be held/rocked up and down (I think it soothes her stomach) but this also means I can't get anything done and that she is fussy from not getting proper naps. I feel as though I'm really struggling to cope now as despite the fact that I can survive on waking up every two hours. It's all starting to catch up with me. I've spoken to numerous doctors and they all just say she'll grow out of it. I'm sure reflux is something babies do grow out of and CMPA can be treated but she's so unsettled all the time whether that's screaming in pain or wanting to be constantly rocked up and down. I feel like that's all the doctors really say and just prescribe some Gaviscon and send me on my way.

Waking up every 2 hours. Getting broken sleep of 40ish mins at a time and then having a crying, angry and unsettled baby all day is hard. My partner does help but he has to work and his work is driving related so I try not to get him to stay up too much at night due to him having to drive the next day and he needs to be able to focus whilst driving. He works long hours during the day as I'm only entitled to maternity allowance and financially we're struggling a bit. My dad's also in hospital with sepsis at the moment and I just feel like I have a lot going on 😢

Firstly you're not failing your baby. Some babies are easy and some are bloody hard work. It is such a steep learning curve which is sometimes relentless. My first baby had awful colic and used to scream every evening, had to be held and passed from person to person.

I found that a swinging/rocking chair helped. I also put a pillow under her cot mattress so she was slightly more upright. My husband took the night shift at the weekends so I could sleep.

It feels like this will go on for ever but you get through this phase and go onto the next.

Please don't be hard on yourself though.

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time and your little one is struggling so much. It's unbelievable how hard it is to see them in pain and discomfort when nothing you do seems to help but you are not failing her! You're doing your best and that's all you can do!

I don't have much practical help as I've not had feeding issues like yours, but have you tried using a sling in the daytime to keep baby settled and upright but you can at least move about and have your arms free! It took my little one a while to get used to a wrap she kicked off at first but soon learned to love it.
I'd also get back to the doctors if the formula isn't helping, ask for alternatives, next steps, definite timelines of when you should see a change and what they'll do to help if the current plan isn't working.

Sending you lots of love, these early days are HARD and lonely, even with loads of lovely family and friends about- in the middle of the night and when pat leave ends and the visitors dwindle away it's just you and the baby figuring it all out! X

Oh op, it is so, so hard. You really are doing an amazing job, I promise you. What you are going through now is relentless and thankless, but it really will turn for the better. There really is light at the end of the tunnel. All you can do is power through minute by minute. It definitely will not always be like this.

You sound like a very caring mum who is beautifully in tune with her baby - who is very tired and having a terrible time.

speak again to your health visitor or GP, it’s not possible to manage on that little sleep.

I hope your dad gets better soon.

hang in there, it sounds like you are doing a great job, but it is hard to have a fussy baby.

Thank you all for your kind words.

I've tried to speak to multiple GPs and the HV who just say 'she'll grow out of it' etc. They're not very helpful. I'm sure she will grow out of the reflux and possibly the CMPA too but when it's impacting us so much surely they should find other ways to help? When I took her to the GP today the GP just said his first daughter was fussy and that there's no harm in letting them cry it out (I do not agree with this so wasn't pleased). He just increased her dosage of Gaviscon and that's it. Nothing else. She is unsettled to even drink her bottles most of the time so it's hard to administer any Gaviscon as I have to add it to her milk (it's a powder)

No you are not failing your baby you are exhausted, emotional and being hard on yourself. Some babies unfortunately are just plain difficult and it can really take its toll. You are doing everything you can and seeking medical advice that’s exactly what u need to do. The only other thing u do need to do is be kinder to yourself, you have a new baby, life has changed and not quite in the way you expected. Nobody ever imagines themselves with a crying baby just a cute snuggly bundle! Hopefully they are right and she will grow out of it, if not they can advise next steps.

My dd had really bad reflux, fortunately not CMPA, after several visits got one fabulous doctor who suggested different formula and bottles which really helped. My dad also picked up one of these electric swing things similar to the photo below in the charity shop and it was a life saver as it helped settle her and I wasn’t having to carry her/rock her 24/7.

If she hasn’t had a proper diagnosis then perhaps it’s a moderate Colic situation? We started our little boy on Cow and Gate Comfort milk with a size 2 teat from 2 weeks and he’s just over 5 weeks now. It’s a thicker milk meant for helping with colic and constipation. We’ve been using infacol as well but ran out the other day and realised just the milk on its own was working fine. Have bought more infacol and am using it less frequently now just as a little extra help. He had similar symptoms, and he had a bad belly for 2 days straight (when he did poo it was like a Korma) and he had so much wind that was so difficult to bring up. I barely got any sleep in the nights in particular because he was so unsettled. Would only sleep by being on me or my partner but would then wake up with little spasm type movements like he was in pain. Was bringing up a lot of milk as well. We now keep him upright for 20 mins or so after a feed (straight up on mine or my partners shoulder is easiest, this helps his tummy to drain and there’s a lot less sick or spit up if any at all at some feeds. I’d suggest trying a different milk again and keep going until you see an improvement though a new milk can take a couple of weeks to have an effect. I can’t offer any more advice than that I’m so sorry. I really hope this difficult time passes for you all soon 💛

Don't worry she won't remember this time! Can you strap the baby to you in upright position, as this and the movement will help to sooth her and you will have hands free for life!

Also, I can see you have tried bottle feeding? Have you tried breast feeding too? That is likely to be much more easily digestible for her. If you haven't been breastfeeding up to now you might need to spend a day or two just keeping trying her on this every couple of hours to bring the milk in.

It sounds like she may still be struggling with the cmpa, and the reflux will be a symptom of that. The formula you have still contains cows milk and some babies will react to it. Dr's are reluctant to give out the milk free formula because it's more expensive but try asking for it, there's a few brands, Neocate is one. It's an amino acid formula with no cows milk in it at all.

I've had two cmpa babies and it's hard but 9 weeks is so young and it will get much better really soon. I'm not saying that to minimise how you're feeling, it's so difficult when you're in the middle of it, but to give you hope because it really does go by so quickly and in a few weeks it will hopefully change. You have plenty of time to enjoy your baby and be the mum you want to be, right now it's just about getting through the days the best you can.

Sorry you’re not getting the support you need from professionals. Getting so little sleep is very hard. I was in a similar situation to you but my baby is now 6 months. I would ask gp for a prescription to formula that contains no milk protein (Pepti contains broken down protein, which sounds like it’s still too hard for your baby to digest). I use Neocate formula, which has no milk protein. I also use thickener (Carobel) to help with reflux and thickens the formula as dairy free formula is very thin compared to regular formula. I didn’t wean my baby early but know other babies who were weaned early (at 4 months) due to allergies. As others have said, a baby chair was useful with the reflux.

@Sandcastle2 thank you for your response. How can I get them to take me seriously? Funnily enough I said to the GP yesterday that I can't comment on how good the milk is and is there's much of a difference because the reflux symptoms keep getting in the way but now that you put it like that it makes me think is the milk making the reflux worse as opposed to the other way around? What symptoms did your LO have and how did you get them to take you seriously enough? Yes they've prescribed the milk but they've taken none of my other concerns seriously as she has still put on weight but that doesn't subtract from the fact that she has all these other symptoms and cries for hours everyday :/

@howaboutchocolate how do I go about getting completely cows milk protein free formula? They don't seem to take my concerns seriously. They just say give her Gaviscon x

@Pussygaloregalapagos I did breastfeed at the start when she was first born. She was always fussy and crying. Hence why I then started formula thinking it was probably something to do with my breastmilk. To be honest it was probably the fact that I do eat a lot of dairy and at the time I was feeding her I didn't know about this potential allergy.

She's 9 weeks now. I've not breastfed in 1.5 months I think. Would I be able to try again or is it too late?

OP you mentioned she wakes up after 10 mins- is she being put in her crib or moses basket?

My little one often wakes quickly from these sort of naps, but can go a good 2 hours if she's sleeping on me or in her sling while I'm walking about.

Would it be worth doing one contact nap during the day so she's getting a solid block of sleep, to see if this reduces fussiness?

If she's really over tired during the day this will be adding to it all.

@AmyLT I did try the Cow and Gate anti reflux milk. I didn't see much of a difference apart from the fact that she was seriously constipated. It's not just the crying that made doctors give her the CMPA milk. It was because she used to have breathing issues, would sound really hoarse and chesty, would have an upset stomach, would cry a lot when pooping etc. The doctor that suggested the allergy did a questionnaire and she had a lot of the symptoms including eczema too that's why I thought it might not just be the typical colic x

@Butterflyrainbow12 how old is your DD if you don't mind me asking? Did you find that putting her in a swing got her used to wanting to be rocked to sleep? I do have a bouncer for her currently but have thought that I should get her an electric swing but worried it'll become a habit and when she grows out of the swing she won't be able to sleep without it? 🙈 x

@Alloveragain3 she wakes up from her naps in the crib, in my bed (supervised) in the pram etc - she does sleep better if she's in the car but apart from that anywhere else she'll wake up easily. When she's experiencing these symptoms even when I try and put her on me for a contact nap she'll just keep wriggling and crying and screaming.

I might get a sling and see if that helps? But will this become a habit? I dont mind trying if it helps her but I dont have a great back and when she weighs a bit more I'm worried incase my back can't handle it :/ but I'd rather be in pain than her be uncomfortable I suppose so I'll just try and get on with it x

Oh bless you. We have the Baby Bjorn sling for my 11 week old (she weighs about 11lbs) and I do get a bit of back pain after an hour or so to be honest.

However, she has really good naps in it and it means I can get things done (I can't do everything while she's in there, but I can go for a walk and even got the dinner cooked the other day!).

She often has a good cry when I put her in there, as I think it makes her feel sleepy and she doesn't like that feeling. But after about 5 minutes, she's out like a light. And on days when she's really fighting the nap, if I bring her outside, the fresh air helps her to fall asleep.

If your little one has got reflux, being upright for sleeping may really help.

My first was a terrible sleeper and had cmpa and eczema, so I know how tough it is. We spent many nights rocking him to Lion King songs as he wailed : (

This too shall pass, but it's really tough going when you're in the thick of it.

Firstly it sounds as though you're doing amazing, you definitely aren't failing your baby. These newborn days are so so hard.
It sounds like that milk isn't working for her, can you request neocate from the doctor? (You can buy it yourself but it is very expensive) and give that a go. My SIL had the same problems as you with my nephew, they even ended up at out of hours a couple of times when he was tiny because absolutely nothing would settle him and he was screaming in pain. It took a lot for them to finally get neocate, the gp wasn't interested, but once they did he was like a completely different baby. He's 18 months now and still has a cows milk/dairy free diet.
My DD has bad reflux so we use cow and gate anti reflux milk and keep her upright for 30 mins after every feed which has massively helped but yours sounds more severe so I'd definitely be fighting for a different milk especially if there's been no change and she's got worse after a few weeks.

Please don't worry about forming a sleep habit. Babies need soothing to fall/stay asleep. They can't soothe themselves, some babies will drift off, others need rocking or parting or shushing. They need what they need.
One sleep cycle is around 40 minutes. Some babies can link a few sleep cycles together, others can't. So if you have an unsettled baby that wakes after a short time or when put down a sling can be a lifesaver. Whatever works is fine, wether that's walks in the pram, sling, swinging chair etc. if it works for now it's fine and as she develops she will get better at staying asleep.
Have a look at the fourth trimester.
A sling that keeps her upright will probably be good for her reflux too, is there a local sling library that you can access?

I am so angry that again and again we read parents of CMPA babies being fobbed off and left to suffer.

The Pepti-1 isn't helping. Gaviscon won't either. She is still having CPMA symptoms. She needs something like Neocate or Nutramigen (ideally Neocate as it's also soy-free). Until you get that sorted, none of these other tips will work. I'm so sorry you're going through this – I had the same with DD and it almost killed me. Finally got Nutramigen prescribed and within a week she was a different baby. I'm still so angry that we lost so much time.

OP, you're an absolutely amazing mum! I totally understand how you feel!

My baby who is now 6 months has been suffering with eczema & reflux since 6 weeks old and I'm still fighting with the drs, they don't seem to take this serious??? My LO had all the exact same symptoms as your newborn too! My baby has been on 9 different formulas it's ridiculous! He's now currently on pepti (I had to FIGHT, basically beg for this) the GP refused to believe my LO had CMPA even though he matched every symptom 🙄 He's been on it now a while along with gaviscon and absolutely no improvement! I'm waiting on another prescription today for reflux (I'll let you know if it helps my LO 🤞🏼) so I'm really not sure if my baby has CMPA or just a reflux issue! But he definitely matches all the CMPA symptoms but the milk along with gaviscon isn't solving anything 😫 my baby also screamed horribly for hours on end as a newborn there was times I was about to take him to out of hours, I was in tears with him!! I tried everything (infacol, gripe water etc) & then he finally stopped that at around 4 months (hopefully sooner for you)

My LO is on a medicated shampoo, medicated bath lotion, medicated steroid cream & medicated formula!!! And it's been an absolute nightmare communicating with the health visitor & DR they don't seem to have a clue!

The only formula I found work for my LO for a few weeks was aptamil anti reflux and then he randomly started spewing loads again!!

Has your LO been prescribed creams / lotions etc for eczema? , definitely keep going back to the GP, I feel you tho their useless!

My baby was also a section baby, I heard reflux is more in babies who were born via C-section!

I get it OP, I feel you! I hope your baby gets sorted ASAP, a lot sooner than my LO as he's 6 months and there's still no relief 😫 spew everywhere!!!

Also hope your dad is okay OP ❤️

Sorry I said my baby was on pepti, he isn't, he's on nutramigen! I thought they were the same (my bad)

I feel your pain I could have written this about my oldest it is really tough and heartbreaking to see them in pain but you aren't a failure at all your doing your best for your baby

It's quite likely you can resume breastfeeding just put her on the boob after every feed even if it's just to comfort. The more she is on the boob the more she is telling your body to make more milk.firstly try when she has just had a feed ( as much as she is taking) and build it up from there.

If you want to do this you need to completely eliminate all dairy from your diet you need to read the ingredients on everything you eat. There is a surprising amount of things with hidden dairy. I got caught out with a tub of Coleslaw that had cream in it for some reason. Olive spreads for example are not all dairy free you need to but the spific vegan ones.

Good luck