How does your school deal with bullying?

[CuttingMeOpenthenHealingMeFine]

What is the process and do you think it works? What do you think can realistically be done?

Both if my DC are in a small primary and r have had issues with both over the past few months but my DS(10) is by far in the worst situation with long term low level bullying now escalating.

The school seem to think getting the bully to apologise and then ignoring it solves everything. They are very big into positive reinforcement and don’t punish. We are looking into moving schools but it will be difficult as most are oversubscribed nearby.

I don’t know what I can realistically expect to be done. Any advice gratefully received.

Hi OP I'm watching with interest because I'm in a similar situation. Ds 10 is having a difficult time and it's escalating I think. I have a meeting tomorrow with the school and I'm not sure how to handle it.

You say low level bullying.. I think that's how I would describe my DS experience too but I'm not sure if that's what the school would say. A few kids make mean comments and another group laugh along. He seems to be the ongoing 'joke' and most of the incidents when isolated sound petty but it's constant. Things like purposely talking over him and pretending not to hear, saying 'no one cares' everytime he says something, running away when he tries to join in etc. Some of it is just exclusion but I feel overall it amounts to bullying. There was a ring leader who had some complaints made about him and they seem to be dealing with him a lot, but I want the other boys to be addressed too. They are humiliating him and propping up the bully but I don't think the school is dealing with them. That's what I'm hoping to address. We are thinking of moving him into another class within the school and are exploring the possibility of moving schools. It's not simple though, we live literally at the school gates, I am on parents association and DS has a twin in the same class so there would be many consequences to a move including me changing my work start time.

Can you tell me more about the type of bullying your child is experiencing and how you tell him to deal with it?

Hi thanks and sorry to hear you are going through the same thing. With my DS it has been low level name calling for years and groups making fun of him because he isn’t as into football as them (he is mad on his own team but couldn’t tell you anything about other teams etc.) they pose questions they know he won’t know the answer to and then it’s weeks of him being mocked. They have started now on his appearance (he is very slight) and stealing/hiding his things in class and physically threatening him.

We tell him to stay away from the boys involved but the number is growing. My DS is actually very confident and does great in class and at sports etc. he does a lot of out school activities and makes friends at them easily but this is wearing him down.

I have a meeting with the school tomorrow.

Let's keep each other updated! Your poor DS.

I'm nervous about my meeting. My ds has ways of making himself an easy target, he doesn't help himself and I need to work on his social skills but he has aspergers and he is inclined to bore people with 'facts'. He needs to accept that it's OK if people don't want to listen and not repeat it. I know he can be annoying which is why I didn't intervene sooner. But I think what started as a few boys finding him annoying has turned into a bigger thing and he is the constant butt of their jokes. They intentionally provoke him now, and I need the staff to understand the difference. I have the advantage of a spy in the camp, his twin who has verified everything he says. She even overheard some kids plotting to make him lose his temper so he would get in trouble. Sadly it seems to work because he eventually loses the plot and starts shouting and then they fall around the place laughing.

My DS suffered low level bullying at primary for many years ( he has adhd which made him vulnerable, plus these particular boys were very clever at winding him up and then they could respond to the teachers more logically and my DS was punished for his reaction).

It wasn’t ideal and I really struggled with the unjustness but he did move class mid year 5. Made a huge difference to him. New class had a different vibe and accepted him. Wasn’t perfect but was a lot better.

In retrospect I wished I’d moved him either school or class earlier. It did seem very unfair he had to move but at that point I just needed to make things better for him.

Rather than low level bullying, I'd say that this is really what bullying is about. In my opinion this sort of behaviour is worse than an isolated scuffle in the playground, or not being invited to a party or play dates out of school. It's worse because it's become the norm, and I'd hazard a guess that the other children don't even realise that what they are doing wrong, because it's not been dealt with up until now.

They probably see it as "oh, that's just the way so and so is, he's ...... whatever, and it's normal to to laugh when he does this etc."

I would try and have a proper conversation with the teachers/ school and not go on too much about the bullying policy because they tend to often focus on specific episodes, which are outlined in the "rules" rather than ways to change how a child is perceived within the class.

By saying not go on about the bullying policy, I mean try and focus on how the teachers can help change the way your son is perceived. In my mind this will be a gradual process, and not something that can be changed overnight.
I personally don't think any sort of "punishment" to the other children would be helpful. To be honest I'd be upset with the teachers if they had failed to see what was going on, but hopefully things will improve for your son.

Why would you call that "low level"? I would call it organised, sustained bullying. Nothing low level about that.

My daughter's primary school was awful. Lots of bullies and nothing done. According to the deputy head,"they don't have bullying,just differences". Her words 😡🙄
She's now at secondary year 7 and touch wood,no issues so far crosses fingers.