I feel like I ruined my relationship

[Lilllypad11]

I just feel like all I did was wrong. Everything was my fault. The moaning, complaining, anger etc. it made him want to find something better because I wasn’t good enough to him when all he did was be good to me. Like for example: One time he went on Omegle and I felt I found it hard to trust so I handed him the promise ring he gave me and said I’ll take it back when I feel I’m able to trust more. He then cried. I told him off when he stood on the back of my shoe and it broke. He then said it wasn’t his fault it was the shoe He never used to tidy up and one time I got fed up of moving all his stuff and he said I grew up in an ocd environment and he didn’t One time I lost a lip liner and had VERY bad PMS and I’m also adhd so I had a huge moan about it and asked him to call the cab company. He got really angry and said these arguments ruin the night His sister never introduced me out of a group of people. I was stood next to him. I said at the end of the night it was rude. He told me to pack my bags and leave Again PMS time I lost a skirt that was expensive before a night out for his mates birthday and I also had Covid but still went to the night out. I lost the skirt so started crying. But that’s not what upset me. It was that he didn’t tell me they were pooling money for a group gift and he left me out. Finally, I gave him my spot cream and he lost it somewhere, this was super expensive and I got annoyed. I asked him to check his car and look around. I was so upset it was lost because it cost $50 a go. He refused that he lost it and said I must have left it there but I know I didn’t. I refused to eat dinner with him as I knew it wasn’t my fault. In the end, he found it 2 weeks later. No sorry. Just “it was under my bed” I supported him while he trained abroad. I always accommodated for his timing. I did everything I could. I just can’t help but feel mad he’s with someone new and never ever tried to understand me after 6 years.

he said he used to visit strip clubs, but did nothing, he said he would just have a drink, he also said his friends would drag him into it. He would like other girls pictures then later deny it. He was texting a female colleague a few times on holiday, I just often felt like I wasn’t enough

i blame myself all the time. I just fear all I did was ruin us. Yes I am having therapy. I’m working on myself. But why could he never tell me there was someone else, because he’s now posting pictures of them both online. Just why.

You didn’t ruin the relationship, he did. Thank your lucky stars that he’s someone else’s problem now. He gaslit you and left you out in social situations. What a piece of work.

OP, read back your post and see if you can spot the pattern…

You offer an excuse for every single instance of your bad or questionable behaviour.

Aside from that, it’s fairly clear that you weren’t a good fit. And he doesn’t have to tell you anything about his life now, let alone the fact he’s moved on with a new partner. You’ve got to focus on moving on now. Even if you had done things differently, it doesn’t read like you were a match.

its not that the OP isn’t a just a good match it’s because most people would not put up with someone who is a serial cheater and treats them like dirt.
Glad you are out of it OP , Block him on SM so yo7 can’t see his new antics and get on with your new life without him. Sometimes we just reach so low we don’t even realise how awful some people are .

Ey? I’m not saying he didn’t behave badly, but not once does OP say he cheated on her.

Didn't you post this yesterday?

I blame my crappy attitude. If I kept it in check maybe he’d still be around. My mum always says every relationship hits a really bad time and it’s how you over come it that matters. She said he chose the easy way.

i recall being on holiday and saying “I can’t move area to be near where you live because my life isn’t based there and nor is my job. I’m not ready to leave yet. Or maybe for a while in the foreseeable.” It triggered a convo where I think he was trying to end it. I said I needed some air. Came back and he then just acted really strangely. He started Bursting in to tears mid chat. I asked why. He said nothing. We came back off holiday. I said are we okay. He said yes all fine. Then suddenly distanced from me one day. We called each other. He was so unbelievably distant and cold. I had to go to his house because I knew something was wrong. He just turned to me and said “I don’t know if I love you anymore” 4 months later. The new girl emerged on insta.

Dear god

From what I'm reading. It just wasn't a good fit. I think my partner is wonderful but he wouldn't last a month with you. You need constant reassurance. That's ok but not everyone can cope with that. For what it's worth, this particular man sounds like a dick anyway so you're better off finding someone else who is wants the relationship you do.

Turns out he did in fact cheat🙂so I actually think the reason I behaved like this was a deep rooted lack of trust. It sent me crazy. I’ve now learnt how immature he was.

I blame my crappy attitude. If I kept it in check maybe he’d still be around

Yes, you’re absolutely right. If you’d ignored him cheating on you, pretended that you were fine with him being careless with your possessions, given up your life to move to his area, ignored his sister being rude to you, ignored him leaving you out and pretended that he wasn’t gaslighting you every chance he got, he probably would still be around. And then you’d have a much bigger problem than you do now.

You don’t need therapy to learn to keep your ‘crappy attitude’ under control. You need therapy to teach you that you don’t have to be less than in order to keep a man who is only fit for the bin. You need to learn that you are worth more, you deserve better and you don’t have to tolerate that shit. That’s what you need therapy for, my lovely.

Exactly. It took my time but I agree. Sometimes I hurt so much because he’d always claim he was loyal. But in the end. The truth always comes out. He did this once before when we were in early dating phases. So he’d do it again if I ever allowed him to. He’s just a boy and I realise it now.

Wow. Too many tears on both sides. You were just completely wrong for each other (and he sounds awful). When you meet the right person you won’t have a crappy attitude, because there won’t be any resentment building up about how they’ve treated you in the past. You won’t be insecure because they will not be going to strip clubs or cheating or randomly giving you the silent treatment. If it’s all hard work, they’re not the one for you. I don’t think you sound like a bad person, just that he had done a lot of things that you didn’t like, and hadn’t made you feel valued enough to overlook them.

Leave it a while until you are over him, (imagine if your best friend had a relationship like yours was, would you tell her it was something to hang on to?) and when you are ready, try someone who is kinder and less self absorbed (as in, pretty much anyone!). There are much brighter times ahead for you.

It’s a shame. I had a lot of love for him until I took a step back. Talked to my therapist and identified the pattern and theme in his behaviour. I now know that he was a serial cheater and lied to me any opportunity he could get.

Anyone who gets you a promise ring isn't worth worrying about

Anyone who buys a promise ring and continuously breaks the promises too🥱