I should have invited these kids to DCs party shouldn’t I?

[Partypalaver]

DC 9 is having a small birthday party - an organised activity with 7 friends. DC chose to invite mainly new friends (classes have been mixed this year & friendship groups have changed) & not their two oldest friends. DC has said that they don’t hang around together anymore (no falling outs, they’ve just drifted) & they’d rather invite new friends. Now we’re good friends with these 2 kids parents but I didn’t want DC to feel they had to invite them because of this so went with it.

So invitations go out to the 7 kids, they can all come so all sorted I think. Fast forward 2 weeks & DC gets invited to the parties of the 2 kids we haven’t invited (by coincidence their birthdays are all close together). They too are having small parties but have chosen to include my DC & now I feel awful.

It’s too late to invite these 2 kids - the activity is booked & paid for & we’ve already got the maximum number of kids. I’m worried that if the parents find out this might cause a bit of a rift, but given that we’re now going to their DCs parties so close to my own DCs birthday they’re bound to ask what my DC is doing and/or find out from someone else.

Do I keep quiet & hope they don’t find out or do I fess up, admit that I should have thought more carefully about who was invited & perhaps invite them out/round separately? I know this is only a kids birthday party but friendships have ended over lesser things & I really don’t want anyone to be offended.

I'd very rapidly organise a special activity followrd by a nice meal out for old friends and your DC. Also I'd be having a word with DC about 'you can never have too many friends', and 'you know you can trust these good friends', type of thing.

I think there comes a time when you can't just please everyone . Your child didn't choose to invite them. Their child or their parent invited yours because that's what they chose. That's OK. You just have to be confident that you meant no harm, your child won't always be invited , that's OK too. I would probably buy a larger gift for the 2 other girls to say thank you for the invitation as it wasn't reciprocated. And if your daughter gets comments about it it's her learning. You can't engineer everything.

I'm surprised that some posters think you only go to parties of people you invite to yours. There are lots of reasons different people invite different people, numbers, space, cost. We invited children who never had a party themselves, or only had one or two friends themselves.

It’s not about only inviting those who have invited you; by the sounds of it these parties are close together, and there is history with the families. The changes of upset are high. Too late to invite them now but not sure a separate party is the answer either. It’s just a life lesson for your DC, and the other children too.

I would do a birthday tea or go to the cinema with them separately. As the mum is your friend you could do that as a "special" friend's birthday treat. Tell the mum that you are doing something with his new class mates as well

It’s OK for kids to have different friendship groups.

A literal pity party?

They are too young at that age to properly understand navigation of friendships. It's kind of your job as an adult to do that for them. You should have invited them. I'd do something for the 3 of them.

I agree with posters who say organise something small with the two friends, maybe a cinema trip or something. I hate mixing classes btw, our school are going to do it at the end of year 3 for no apparent reason than just because. Friends with kids at schools that mix classes every year hate it too!

This.
A little tea with fairy cakes.. sandwiches and asda bday cake.

Phone the place where the party is arranged and sweet talk them to let two extra come. Say at most parties, one or two always drop out on the day through illness etc but ask that these two be included. Most places set limits but I've always had a couple more accepted, once I had 5 extra allowed even though there was a limit. You have nothing to lose but everything to gain (peace of mind!)

What? No, not a pity party. Genuine friends my children played with and wanted to invite who for what ever reason didn't have a party ever (some children don't for a variety of reasons) or didn't invite large numbers and didn't invite my children. I was trying to say it's not always reciprocal .

Lol sorry I get it now. Your post made it sound like you had deliberately targeted the poor/friendless children