Is this autism

[Cbtds]

My Son is 10 and has some issues, we’ve spoken to gp and school and had a phone assessment. At the end of the conversation the clinician didn’t think there were enough problems to proceed but did send us a detailed questionnaire to fill out and 1 for the school, to complete and return.
School have no concerns really other than he’s a little sensitive. He’s academic ability is average to good. He goes to school without any fuss and does seem to enjoy it most of the time.
His problems are he is very sensitive. Hes never been a good sleeper and only just started sleeping alone the past year. He gets very scared at night and needs lots of encouragement to go to sleep.
He’s is extremely sensitive about clothes , will not wear the official school uniform because he’s says it uncomfortable.
Doesn’t express much empathy and is very self absorbed and selfish at times. He did used to be quite a loving child but now is angry and aggressive at times, and regularly insults me, especially when he doesn’t get his way.
He has some friends and generally gets along ok with his peers, but hes definitely not a people pleaser and would rather do his own thing than go along with the crowd.

my husband refuses to believe he has any special needs and comes up with excuses for his behaviour. I don’t know what to think, I’m very sensitive to these issues he’s having as I grew up with someone who I now believe to have been autistic ( this was 30 years ago so never officially diagnosed)
And I see many of those traits in my child.
Im not looking for a label for him, truth is , I’ll be devastated if he is autistic because of how badly it affected our family and how hard it will be for him to live a normal happy life . But if he is I want to do everything possible to help.

Any insight, either from personal or professional experience, would be appreciated.

I’m autistic and a retired professional. It’s obviously impossible to make a dx over the internet. Things you need to know:
It’s a myth that we don’t have empathy, we do, too much in many cases, causing us to shut down.
2 Children start to flex their muscles at this age, verbally and physically, so being rude may just be a phase. Don’t allow it, either way.
3 Children can often be selfish, show him another way.
4 Some professionals are unsure about handing out a dx. If you’re unhappy/unsure, I’d leave it for a year and if in that time you are still unhappy, look elsewhere.

This was my dd at 10. Diagnosed at 16. Crashed out of school.

Dont be put off. It gets harder to contain as they get older. She’s very empathetic though.

Thanks for replying@ArseInTheCoOpWindow
How is your daughter now? Didn’t she manage to stay in education?
my big worry right now is how will he cope with secondary school. I wanted to send him to a secondary with a better reputation for supporting kids with SN, but son( and husband) wants to go to the catchment school with his friends.
I just can’t imagine he’ll cope, he won’t wear the bloody uniform for a start.

Does the primary school support him in wearing clothes he is comfortable with? If so then your senco needs to communicate this to the high school so they can make similar adjustments. It is hard to say from a simple internet post, however, he doesn’t sound like he has as many difficulties as my autistic dd. If he has a friendship group to go up to high school with this is a huge plus point.

Could have autism, refer through Gp for assessment

But do also read about 'highly sensitive children' - loads of bells ringing for me about that

My daughter refused to go back to school. After 8 months we managed to get an EHCP. She looked round a HF special school and loved it yesterday.

I would ignore your husband, he’s doing you and your son no favours. Sensory issues are big with ND. Your husband will be making it worse if thinks your ds is just being naughty.

If you have a relative with ASd, then it’s likely your ds has it. It’s mainly genetic.

It sounds like he’s containing it, but it gets harder the more demands there are on them. Y7 and 10 are when it can unravel. I’d push as hard as you can for a diagnosis.

@Gilead thanks for replying. I didn’t mean it to look like I was making an association between autism and empathy- l was just trying to paint a picture of what my ds is like. I’m not saying he’s shows no empathy ever, but it’s in short supply. I don’t have any professional knowledge on the subject, just a very traumatic personal experience.
I have my own struggles which make parenting hard for me. we do try to set clear boundaries, but he is really pushing them at the minute and every day is a battle at home. He’s exceptionally well behaved at school, and if he is ever to get reprimanded for something( which is rare) he is distraught.

We read this and she ticked lots of boxes. As she did with The Explosive Child.

It all came together in her diagnosis at 16. Some are better at masking than others. But he may hit burnout and school refusal later.

At 10 was very sensitive, overwhelmed quite easily and scared to sleep alone. She had lots of friends though. She continued to have friends until she droppeed out of school with burnout. We just thought she was over sensitive initially.

and every day is a battle at home. He’s exceptionally well behaved at school, and if he is ever to get reprimanded for something( which is rare) he is distraught

Classic ASD. Who are these dim clinicians ?

The sensitivity to clothes is the biggest thing that leaps out at me (parent of a child diagnosed with ASD in mid teens). Refusal to the point of the school accommodating alternative clothes is a flag that something really needs assessing. Don’t let yourself be put off further investigations by your husband’s unwillingness to consider it. I know you’re worried because of family history, but (1) getting assessed doesn’t mean he’ll definitely be dx ASD, and (2) it sounds like you have experienced what happens without a timely dx and introduction if support - you now have the chance to do things very differently for your son.
It’s a difficult journey, seeing your child struggling, I understand how you’re feeling.

@HuntingForChicken yes they don’t mind as long as it’s school colours. I’m not sure that it’s the best thing though as a secondary surely won’t allow this will they?

i Think my husband see it as a bad reflection in himself and our failure as parents. I get that because I feel like it’s my fault too, especially if I’ve passed it on in my genes.
he’s our only child, we’ve tried so hard to be good parents and not let history repeat itself( we both come from dysfunctional families)
We’ve spoke to GP and already had one assessment , but they said there’s not enough evidence to take it further. The only thing they would act on was if he was suicidal.
We have a form to complete at home and they may do something with that depending on the answers.

I just think they’re so over run with referrals and assessments, that if they are still going to school and doing ok, they won’t intervene.

I know of high schools who have made similar allowances. Normally through the EHCP system though.

I would press for a referral. Also read up on sensory processing disorder. I have a child with autism.

It’s so hard not to blame yourself, or see it as someone's ‘fault’. I really feel for you and your husband. Before our daughter’s diagnosis, we were just dealing with her having ARFID (an eating disorder often linked to autism, as it turns out…), and I’ve spent years blaming myself for her terrible eating problems 😩 even though I knew it was probably nothing we had done. But I couldn’t stop myself from picking on every decision I made, from bf to baby led weaning to not introducing certain foods due to my own preferences. Of course it turned out to all be down to the autism 🤷🏼‍♀️Fill in those forms with as much detail as you can, and just see where it takes you. You have nothing to lose.