Is separating as the LTB’s think?

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Repeatedly on MN I see the advice to LTB in situations where perhaps there are other interventions which could be considered first, it’s so causally said by strangers on the internet. I am at a point in my marriage where I have repeatedly tried but we are not happy and I am trying to consider the options. My best friend is a solicitor and is advising that separating and divorcing really is the very very last option due to how messy it can get. My husband has been emotionally abusive and is a recovering alcoholic. I am struggling to get past all that has happened and he has grown impatient with me. We have zero physical intimacy and spend a lot of energy on arguing and reconciling. We have 2 young children. I don’t want to break the family but don’t think this is a healthy environment.

For those who have separated and divorced, how hard was it? Do you wish you had tried harder at your marriage first? How did you cope with the idea that you weren’t always with your children?

On the one hand, I think people can imply it’s super easy to ‘just LTB’.

However, I think your friend is giving you terrible advice here. Your husband has been abusive and your kids are in a toxic environment. That really should be game over and is worth the hassle involved in LTB. I know people who have left marriages like yours and NONE of them regret it.

I have separated and divorced.

I worked very, very hard on my marriage before reaching that point.

Separation was hard as my ExH really wanted to preserve his family but his drinking and emotional abuse was just too difficult to be around.

It was hard not because I was in my own but because he wanted emotional support from me about how hard he was finding it. I slowly ramped down the time and phone calls I spent with him which really made my life easier.

The divorce was easy and I have a much better life now. He is a difficult person to be around and I think always will be.

It’s a vast difference between separating because you’ve grown apart, and your situation. Children shouldn’t grow up in an abusive household because it adversely affects them for life.

Piss easy but we weren't married, had no assets together and he wasn't interested in being a dad so I literally was just able to walk out with DS. I did have to present myself as homeless and live in a hostel for a few months as I'd been living with him at his mum's and I had no money as I was a SAHM at the time.

Shit advice from your friend. Your children shouldn't be growing up in that situation, and you shouldn't be putting up with emotional abuse.

I think professional advice is that where abusive behaviour is involved counselling is not recommended. And there is SO MUCH abusive behaviour within marriage. I find it massively depressing that so many women can still be cowed, tricked, gaslit and threatened to stay in a marriage that treats them like shit.

I find it massively depressing that so many women can still be cowed, tricked, gaslit and threatened to stay in a marriage that treats them like shit.

It is incredibly sad.