Deciding to be one and done, with no other same age relatives for DC?

[FlyingSoap]

We want one child, lots of reasons: time, energy, finances, space.

I know a sibling is not a guarantee firsthand as I have a bad relationship with my own (who does have a little one a similar age).

Apart from siblings child, so one cousin for our DC, there will be no other remotely similar aged relatives for them. DH is an only child with no cousins too.

This in itself is swaying me towards rethinking having a second even if it’s a short term compromise, then they have each other. But can you worry about the future so much when anything could happen?

Have the amount of children you want to raise and can afford to have. You never know what's going to happen in the future so there's very little point thinking about the child's relationships with others. And tbh once you've actually had a baby you might change your opinion whatever you decide now anyways

We have two, no other child relatives, not entirely out choice

And by lord we are so happy they have each other.

They love each other more than anyone else on the planet. They are close in age and seeing their relationship grow end blossom and assuming they will have each other after we are pushing up the daisies.

Odd things like remembering "that day on holiday"

But that is just our experience

I think this ALL the time op.

At the minute I'm sticking to being practical so house space and funds for a 2nd. I would be making myself struggle.

I've decided I can always have a rethink in a couple of years but it is such a hard decision

How old is DC? This is such a complex topic. I tried to convince myself for a few years we were one and done and in the end we just went for one last roll of the die. Scariest but Best thing I ever did. BUT there is a 5 year age gap and I honestly was nowhere near ready had we done it earlier. Maybe just think of yourself as "one for now" and who knows. Maybe you will, maybe you won't. Either way I am certain DC will be fine. DH is an only with no cousins close in age and he had a lovely childhood.

Well yes, doesn't mean to say they wouldn't be happy otherwise.
It's all they know.

I know plenty who hated their siblings (myself included), but same-old argument

MN will say no guarantee of siblings getting on but tbh I’ve never met siblings that don’t irl- or at least didn’t get on as children.
Truthly no cousins as well I think life will be incredibly lonely. Again MN says family aren’t everything- yet any
issues in one’s older years people ask do you have family you can stay or can help.

Yes children are expensive but unless it’s you can’t afford to feed, clothe and house your children, I think a sibling is worth its weight in gold.

I have several younger siblings, and cousins who are similar ages to them, not me.

All that happened was that I was always expected to be in charge of them. There is no relationship with any of the cousins and the siblings are a pain.

Do what’s best for you, you can’t predict what those relationships would’ve like.

I am an only and very rarely saw my cousins, so don't really have any relationship with them. I did find it incredibly lonely growing up and still do, even though I have my own DC. I have noone to share memories with or who cares about my past.

Do you have cousins/extended family/siblings yourself?

That might be colouring your judgment. So much depends on the family but even if there is someone else in the same generation in the family there's no guarantee you'll get on, be in touch with them, have anything in common or even see each other regularly.

My friends are the ones who are there for me.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers you don’t know anybody who doesn’t get on with their sibling? Really?

OP, I can’t stand my brother and don’t see him often, so I am, for all intents and purposes, an only child. I have several close friendships and don’t feel I’m missed out at all. Do what’s right for you.

1 cousin is good though?

I'm 1 of 3. My siblings are in their 40s no kids.

Dh is 1 of 4. 1 has kids but we don't see him.

Nope- I see my sister weekly, my friends all have siblings they probably see more than their friends. It’s really not a narrative I understand. Did your family not promote unity? Genuine question- does it stem from
higher up the generations?

We have one living child (my other two died at birth) so he will grow up an only. The age gap would now be wide (8 years+) but I occasionally still have a wobble about him growing up alone. He has cousins that we see, but it's not the same.

The only thing that stops me is the thought of having to plan another funeral and put a lid on a moses basket with my tiny baby inside. I also don't want to traumatise DS with another dead sibling.

You've got to do what's right for you. Put a pin in it and see how you feel month by month.

I'm an only child with no cousins etc my age. I loved it/love it

I do have a sibling but we speak/see each other once or twice a year and have never reminisced about our childhood!

So it's not like I've got someone to share childhood memories with anyway.

@3amShopper I'm so sorry for your losses.

So sorry, 3amShopper xxx

My DS is a third generation only - through circumstances in each generation (respectively, WW2 / recurrent miscarriage/ unexplained infertility) , not choice, but we've all been fine as "limited editions'" of one. DS has one cousin on DH's side, which is one more than I had. My view is that families come in all shapes and sizes and being an only isn't better or worse overall, just different to having siblings. And they will have friends ("the family you choose") and hopefully one day a partner or spouse.

My DF (an only) is in his 80s and is closer to his best buddies from primary school, who have known each other since they were in nappies and stuck together through life events, relocations across three continents, and now declining health, than my DM is to her sibling or cousins. So it doesn't even have to mean having nobody to remember the old days with.

Have the family in the shape that works for you, OP, and whatever that is, it will be fine.

I think if you're prepared this can also go the other way and they'll spend all their time fighting and not get along when they're older.

I agree.