How to help DS deal with a bully?

[Zaranj]

I have raised it with the school. Waiting for a response. Primary, middle years.

Bully is larger, disruptive in class, hits, slams into kids, spreads malicious rumours and says horrible things. Some of his actions are seen as “funny” (e.g. being rude to teachers/running out of the class) by some of the wilder kids, so he occasionally gets others to join in.

Kept DS off for a few days while I notified the school. DS is social and sporty, has lots of friends, but is being targeted by the bully and it is getting him down. Apparently this has been going on for a while and escalated recently. DS has a cold so I used that as an excuse, but also wrote to the teacher that anxiety over attending school is compounding the issue. Has a nearly 100 per cent attendance, so I did not do this lightly.

Any suggestions please on resources, particularly videos, that could give DS some more tools to deal with this and show him he is not alone.

Feeling for anyone in this situation.

Bump

Get ds to practice loudly saying go away.. Enough for teachers to hear.. Secondary school I would have suggested stronger language.
Role play if necessary with ds.
Everyone has an abrasive side.. Help him channel it.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Bullies-Bigmouths-So-Called-Friends-Alexander/dp/0340911840/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1ZI07270ZKZVQ&keywords=bullies+bigmouths+and+so-called+friends&qid=1706195083&sprefix=Bigmouths+bullies%2Caps%2C93&sr=8-1

Ds found this invaluable in primary school

I regularly remind my son that in every class, in every school, throughout time, there is a child which may not understand that being mean or nasty to other children is harmful. That they probably have some problems they are facing and the behaviour comes out at school. I taught him to ignore, tell a teacher when they find a good time, and remind him that they'll move onto someone else when they get bored, Don't take it personally.
He's now at secondary and still encounters kids like this each year - now he just comes home and tells me about it and says ' I they've got problems'. I just repeat, ignore it if they aim it at you, if you have to interact - be friendly but not friends. eg, if someone call him a shortarse in a mean way - he will respond 'yup I am short, doesn't bother me'. Then walk away.
I also prepared him for secondary by saying that secondary is the absolute worst for bullying behaviour, look out for it, avoid it, once you leave secondary people grow up a bit and it stops (except for workplace bullies but I'll broach that later if I need to).
If he self protects with not taking it personally, keep talking to you about it, he'll hopefully be ok.

Thank you all so much. Really helpful advice and I have ordered the book.

I have been pretty much doing this, but will go over it more strongly actually role playing and even when things calm down keeping up the discussion about bullies having problems and taking it out on others. Recently I was more focused on DS’s behavior (not terrible, but he was clearly bothered) and I missed what was driving it. Just glad when DS acted up at home I asked what was wrong, rather than telling him off. Hoping the school will be supportive as the bully is clearly a trouble maker.

Cosmic Kids has a video on bullying we found useful.

Sign him up for self defence classes