Im sorry its long, I need unbiased opinions, I've listed the major issues and then added more to the story. Thanks for reading.
Point faults in my appearance and intelligence. But would also tell me how beautiful I am and that he would get jealous as other men look at me, and how intelligent I am as I’m able to do things he could never.
Messaged other women, still unknown what was said other than complimenting them. At least 9 women I know of. Some for short periods some for long. Said he did this for company when we “broke up” (had an argument)
Has verbally abused me, targeting my parenting, cleaning, friends, appearance. Said this was all in anger and never meant any of it.
Has trashed things in the house previously.
I have written this as simple as I can I also have to detach myself from it to write. I have been with him for almost 8 years we have 2 babies together and I have 2 older children prior, I have been put through hell in this relationship and I’m not saying I am a Saint, however I have tried to show this man love in a way he has said he never experienced. His mother is text book narcissist, never apologises, is ALWAYS right no matter what, passive aggressive behaviour, manipulation and God like attitude. His father is very much avoidant and will just ignore (even a child) for weeks if he feels they have wronged him in some way, I’ve seen the behaviour my self so its not just my partners words.
I have been broken to pieces in these years and still struggle to just walk away, I had finally decided enough was enough recently, we had spoke and I have been seeing a therapist who has helped me work on my boundaries, I’ve put these in place and had made it clear if he did not respect them I would walk away. Things had been OK for about 5 weeks until 2 weeks ago, I asked him a question he lashed out started an argument and walked away I continued to try to get to route of the problem for 3 days and then said is this how its going to be? Because I will not put up with it, we either address and fix the issue or the relationship is done and he responded with “ yes it will be like this because you are a c**t” so I said im done and left it there. I won’t go in to too much but he replaced my sugar with salt while I was in bed, he knows the first thing I do in the morning is make a cup of tea with one sugar.
This is obviously out of line and very immature. Later that day I’d ask him when he was leaving he chose to again argue I refused to engage. His mother then came as she does every week to see the children, he brought her in to it and was just insulting me, she told me I needed to talk to him, I said I didn’t and I want him to leave, this escalated in to hours of them both screaming (with my kids in the house) I could not take the kids as that then caused more issues, so i just kept ignoring them and making sure kids happy away from them, they became like a team attacking me. I got the a point i lost my temper, because he had been acting like the victim in our whole relationship and his mother said “I’ve got to drive home all upset now” (after telling me I was the problem and if i just talked to him all would be fine, plus a few digs along the way) so i said oh now your the victim, he is then you are yet neither of you full grown adults have thought of the hell you’ve brought on the 4 kids in this house. That was it his mother turned to me and said oh now I’ve seen a different side to you! I said damn right because I’m not pandering to you or your son anymore you need to leave. She got in my face and said I’m not playing the victim but if she dies on the way home it your fault, to this I laughed at her and said I see where your son gets it from now. She proceeded to keep coming at me while I ignored her, other than saying leave or I’m calling the police. Around 20 mins later they both reluctantly left as had got my phone out and was dialing 999.
From early hours that night my ex partner has either been very committed to changing OR very committed to convincing me he can change.
He has said things I’ve never heard him say, has not got angry at all when I’ve out right said I’m done with the relationship, he just keeps claiming he wants to be a better person for the kids, and after that night reflecting on how his mum was, he said seeing her like that towards me made him realise how he has treated me. He does still want to be with me and wants to show me how I should be loved. Has taken full responsibility for the endless issues in the relationship and not because I’ve said it but in his own isolation claims he has thought about everything that’s has lead to this point.
Now I know this is all very typical actions. But I just need to know if it’s possible it’s genuine? Or could it be just tactics to get me back? Is he a narcissist like his mother or just emotionally immature due to never being show how to handle emotions or shown what love actually is?
Please anyone who has been in a similar situation could you please help?