Thread 12 - TalkLair: “I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.”

[Kucinghitam]

(Previous thread 11).

The days are gradually growing longer, but the worst of the winter weather is not yet behind us. In the TalkLair, we remain hunkered down keeping cosy and warm. The hearth is glowing, the walls covered in dubious artwork, books by non-approved authors line the shelves, rugs are down on the floors (and assorted pets curled up on them).

We just won’t mention the gnawed bones of our prey over there in the corner of the cave…

I am mostly reading Agatha Christie books at the moment.

Today is Chap Goh Mei, the 15th (and final) day of Chinese New Year. I'm a bit sad to be taking down my decorations. But, perhaps I will brighten up the evening by re-enacting a bit of traditional celebration as used to be done in my hometown in the olden days:

On this evening, young unmarried women were allowed to stroll outside with their families. Everyone would head to the sea-front, particularly the Esplanade, for the best scenic strolling. The young ladies would throw mandarin oranges into the sea, the superstition being that they would then dream of their future husbands that night. This may have had a grain of truth, because the young men would row out in boats to try and catch the mandarins (and catch sight of the young ladies).

I'm thinking DDs could chuck a couple of satsumas off Leeds Bridge into the Aire.

We rather lack such picturesque customs in the UK!

In other news from the North of England, today is the day of the Big Match as Wigan attempt to be rugby league world champions tonight in their contest with the Penrith Panthers from NSW. Have my ticket, and can't wait! 🏉And this an all-to-rare opportunity for our sport to get nationwide coverage on prime-time terrestrial TV (8pm kick-out, on BBC2), so I really hope for a good and entertaining contest. Incidentally, I am delighted to see there seems to just about enough interest on MN for a rugby league thread (not initiated by me), tucked away under Sport, which comes under Fun and Games. Despite my best efforts, couldn't really sustain one at The Old Place.

May the right team win, Duc! Hope you have a great time.

I'm thinking DDs could chuck a couple of satsumas off Leeds Bridge into the Aire.

Love the sound of this but you’ll be lucky to find satsumas in February. It’ll have to be easy peelers (or maybe mandarins in a tin if those are still a thing)!

I actually happen to have some sort of small orange in the fridge. I might lob it into the sea later.

Speaking of satsumas, I see Bob Mortimer's excellent crime novel "The Satsuma Complex" has been renamed "The Clemetine Complex" for the US market.

Satsumas are superior to clementines and that's that. I'm guessing they don't know what a satsuma is or something. It's the only thing that makes sense.

I am currently very, very, very cross with my decision to watch a bit of a natural history programme. It's all about babies and looking at various animals and their young. It won't be full of fucking death I thought. I am an idiot. I thought the worst it would get was a bull elephant getting rough with a newborn elephant because he wanted to do sex with its aunt who was more interested in the new baby. A kick in the face here, a nudge over there, the calf remains fine if a bit confused. Oh no, Mouse. You are a damn halfwit.

We move to ring-tailed lemurs (fyi, I have had one of those hold one of my fingers while s/he used my thighs - I was crouching - as a step to help him get over a fence and it remains the most magical thing that has ever happened to me). They hang out in big groups. If you leave the group for any length of time you will be rejected by them as though you're a dangerous stranger. Mother is trying to keep up with their group but her baby is to weak to hang on, she can't carry it with her arms, apparently. What follows is a period of her walking away from the baby, crying - sounds like the cries of a kitten - going back to the baby who is getting weaker and in the end the baby is so weak that she leaves it to go off with the group who are already getting far away. Why do they show this shit?! Obviously, I was crying as the camera stayed on the dying baby. I mean I know all about show don't tell, but sometimes it should just be tell don't show. If I want to cry at something on the screen I'll watch an old Bette Davis movie or something, thank you very much. This is why I gave up watching national history documentaries years and years ago. I know that death is part of life but mostly I prefer to only see it fictionally and I definitely do not want to see animals suffering, in fact that also relates to fiction. No animal death and suffering. Ever. Thank you.

The Clementine Complex is catchier but The Satsuma Complex is much more Bob.

I get it @MouseMinge I haven't watched nature documentaries in decades, for pretty much everything you've just described. I saw animals being tortured when I was around four/five years old and it's still gives me nightmares at 60. All it takes is seeing one lame animal separated from the pack as the predators move in and I am a total wreck.

I was outside and noticed what appeared to be smoke, or possibly A LOT of steam, coming from the roof of a neighbour's house at the end of our back garden, so went round the corner to have a look and could see nothing. Looked again from a dark bedroom - definitely something. So I rang her bell and she came over to our place to look. It duly performed exactly as I had described and is nowhere near her boiler flue. She seems remarkably unflustered by the (admittedly remote) possibility that her loft insulation is smouldering. It's more likely that a roof tile has slipped, though in that case it would be in our garden and I haven't spotted one.

Despite being on the other side of our house, with the windows closed, I can now smell psychosomatic smoke. And this, my friends, is what happens to mad old women when you get lovely firemen round to check out your own house!

Oh, and on the subject of fruit, we bought lovely tangerines in Morrisons earlier this week. I may go and throw one in the sea after supper, though it would be a waste.

Is there something about throwing tangerines into the sea?

I should see if I can eat a small peelable thing that isn't an orange. I haven't had once for about a year. The last time I tried I choked. I miss them a lot. I'm thinking that if I had two slices of toast with strawberry jam today maybe I could try a satsuma/clementine/tangerine.

Two slices of toast and jam! The toast wasn't brilliant because I did it in the air fryer due to not having a toaster, but it was bloody good enough. I shall have more tomorrow. Fishfingers and tartar sauce now I think.

I'm so sorry, I've just seen that there were posts earlier today that I completely missed because when I clicked on a new post it took me straight to satsuma/clementine. I now see where we got to that and why we might throw tangerines into the sea. Sorry for being a halfwit.

Woo hey! Wigan are world champions! 😁🏉🏉

I didn’t manage to get down to the beach for easy peeler lobbing. Do you think throwing one in the bath would work? I don’t really want to have to wait until next year to dream about my future husband.

I’ve just remembered that my mum told me if you peel an apple and throw the peel over your shoulder, it lands in the shape of the first letter of your future husband’s name. I wonder if there are any superstitions about future wives.

My mum told me something like that too about apple peel, but I can't remember the details. Tbf, it was a long time ago! 😃

I was told you found out your future husband’s initial by twisting the stalk off an apple and jabbing the apple with it until you broke the skin. At least, I think I was. It sounds highly improbable and it’s quite possible I made it up.

@artant I have some apples so I’ll try it tomorrow and report back.

I think the apple thing is on Halloween but I could be misremembering. There's also something where maybe you do something first, a bit spell like and then you look in the mirror in a dark room and you'll see your future husband's face in the mirror. That always struck me as bloody terrifying! I also thought "What if I see the devil? I'll be well and truly fucked." N.b. I didn't think the devil would do the sex with me.

Mouse, could you maybe eat an orange if you did it like posh hotels do? - i.e. slice off all the peel and pith and outside membrane of the orange with a knife, leaving a sort of naked orange, and then cutting the segments away from the internal membrane with a sharp and/or serrated knife? It is much less hassle than it sounds and results in a much better orange experience!

My go-to pudding (I'm not much of a one for pudding) is cored and sliced pineapple, with orange slices as above and a generous sprinkling of pomegranate seeds.

@SqueakyDinosaur that’s how my gran used to prepare her grapefruit every morning.

https://www.womansday.com/relationships/dating-marriage/g1903/lost-halloween-traditions/

Here's a link to some of the Halloween traditions for us women to find out what man we'd marry. You don't have to do a spell before looking in the mirror as I thought, you just have to hope it's not the devil. Back in the olden days I'd probably have hoped it would be Jesus because then I could be a nun meaning no dangerous pregnancies and lots of time to do serious learning and stuff.

That sounds good @SqueakyDinosaur and I might give it a go tomorrow. I need to do a banana milkshake as well because it'll mean my blood test will be good for potassium on Monday.