Not letting DS have WhatsApp

[GreenGreenFern]

I allowed DS (Y6) to have a phone for his birthday. Set it up with the usual parental controls. Quickly realised the phone may not have been a good idea after reading some of his WhatsApp messages

Had a chat with him about what’s appropriate and what’s not and further locked down his phone by setting it so he can only communicate with contacts and made it so he can’t add contacts. I can add the numbers of genuine friends at his request.

What I didn’t realise was these settings don’t apply to WhatsApp. In WhatsApp he has been able to chat in large groups with lots of people. One of these groups was a ‘whole class’ chat.

He’s put a video into the group of him behaving inappropriately. A child in the group has told their parents who have then, quite rightly, reported this to school as a safeguarding concern.

As a result of this I have removed WhatsApp from his phone. He feels this is grossly unfair and that I’m isolating him by not letting him be part of the group chats. From my point of view he’s not mature enough to be part of large group chats.

He is Autistic and has issues with emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, and risky/dangerous behaviour.

Am I doing the right thing?

WhatsApp is 16 plus I think. You've done the right thing.

Completely done the right thing. At that age it's mostly a forum for bullying and stupidity and it's a doddle to provoke an unwary/not street snart child into getting themselves into a lot of trouble.

Steer clear of TikTok and Snapchat too

Oh blimey OP that is worrying! You took all the right steps too. My DD is the same age and whilst she’s NT she’s very silly and I am dreading the day she does something similar.

I let my DD have apps that I can track on my own phone or computer - so when her friends message her I know what they’re saying. I’ve had to remove her from certain groups because Y6 children seem obsessed with setting up new WhatsApp groups seemingly on a daily basis! I allow her in 1 with her 2 best friends but those class chats are awful.

Yes, I’ve blocked TikTok, Snapchat, Discord, and Reddit also

That’s the thing DS is just so impressionable and it’s very easy to get him to do stupid things. I worry so much for when he starts Secondary School.

Its hard because obviously I don’t want to make it harder for him to be included and make friends but I have to balance that with keeping him safe

Maybe rethink a phone? Ds got one from a sibling in year 6..ASD.. Inappropriate chat. Mainly swearing.. Waited until he went to secondary.. He was just too young.

You are right.

If he isn’t able to use it appropriately then there isn’t anything else you can do. My son is in a group chat and one of the other boys (they are 12) kept sending videos of himself dancing in his underwear. We had to tell the boy’s parents and they had to remove his phone because he wouldn’t stop and the school got involved etc.

If he won’t listen to you then you have to remove it or maybe allow him use of it but only at times when he is sitting next to you and you can vet what he types. Maybe he can learn that way?

Take the phone, if absolutely necessary give him a dumb phone. If he is unable (it doesn't matter why) to keep the boundaries then you have to.

The risk is too high, what if the next behaviour brings him the attention of the police ? It's not exactly unusual these days, sadly.

He is too young / not mature enough for a phone. Take it away.

I think taking the whole phone would be too much, he’s upset enough about losing WhatsApp. I’ve increased the parental controls though.

Your issue is the content he shared. The app he uses to share won't matter. What are you planning on doing of he sends similar content in a SMS ?

Remove the device remove the risk ?;

I think he’s much less likely too if not in group chats. The content he posted was of him doing something dangerous which resulted in minor harm to himself (but could’ve resulted in serious harm).

You do have a valid point though, and equally he could’ve done the same thing phone or no phone. The risk is definitely there and I need to do all I can to mitigate that risk