What do you do with your free time?

[graciefielder]

Like a lot of parents of young kids, I feel like I hardly ever get time to myself and fantasise about the books I'll read/other stuff I'll do/get done when I ever do.

But actually, when I do get a few hours of free time (e.g work meeting cancelled, DP takes kids out for the afternoon), I suddenly don't know what to do because everything feels 'pointless' or not quite the right thing.

So, for example, I'll read a page of a book but decide it's not good enough to be worthy of this rare free time, so then try another, then decide I should be doing something more productive so start cleaning out a cupboard but then decide that's a terrible use of free time, so stop that, and decide to start learning a craft but then that feels pointless so back to the book etc etc and then I usually end up scrolling through my phone until the kids come home!

How can I get out of this? What do you do?

In a nutshell too much time on both you tube and mumsnet lol.

TikTok
Pointless and not productive but I feel exactly the same as you, and always end up there!

Sleep

Same, and it's frustrating. I decided today that I'm going to have a day off work in Feb, and I'm going to shut my phone in a cupboard and read a book!

Reading
Sleeping

Definitely no cleaning

Clean or iron or gym

Scrolling on my phone while thinking that I should be doing something more productive 😳

Knitting, crochet, reading.

It depends what I need. If I truly need to zone out, yes, cup of tea and phone (or sometimes a book).

If I want to do an activity and the weather isn’t shit, or say I have a day off especially, I’ll go for a long walk or a swim because those are sort of the ‘hobbies’ I do, if you can call them that.

I also have 2 horses so my ‘free time’ is often dictated by them. It’s a bit like walking the dog being a necessary use of free time when you have a dog.

DIY, gardening, running whenever I can. I prefer to be outside.

DIY, gardening, running whenever I can. I prefer to be outside.

TikTok, build LEGO, clear a couple of jobs off my to do list, have a pamper shower where I get a good scrub and maybe tint my brows, catch up on non-child friendly TV shows, nap, read.

Sleeping
Watching TV
Reading stuff on MN

Does anyone else have that feeling like whatever they're doing feels pointless or a waste of time and that they ought to be doing something else?

I get what you’re saying but I think you just have to do whatever your body needs at that time.
If I had a free 2 hours, I would do a 10 minute yoga flow the. Have a hot essential oil bath and read a book whilst listening to classical
relaxing music for half an hour - might slap a face mask on at the same time.

Then I would do a quick
fake tan application and settle downstairs to watch a show or start a film whilst painting my nails. So in two hours I’ve had some exercise, a relax and a pamper whilst being entertained by a book and a show. That way I’m not going to only dedicate the time to one thing so that it has to feel “worthy” iyswim.

I definitely do, my mind is then racing to find something "worthy" of this precious free time and I end up more stressed as usually I can't find "it" in the time available.

For a long time now I've been planning to make a list as I go of things I'd like to do and then if there's a chunk of free time, I don't have to stress as what to do.

Do something you enjoy. If that’s scrolling on your phone, Mumsnet or TikTok then so be it.
When my kids were small washing and drying my hair in peace was a luxury. Definitely not cleaning unless you enjoy it!
Mine are older now, I have a lot more time. I like reading but only when I’m in bed. Jigsaws are my only hobby really. They are very relaxing if that’s what you’re after.

I had PND and one of my issues was that I put myself and self-care down too much.
One of my therapy goals was actually to read a new book each week.

My therapist was definitely a advocat for women to use free time for them and not for the family/household/chores. Obviously to a certain extent but whatever you do, it's not pointless.

Clean, sort, tidy, nap.

I am retired now but when I had young children I still always had a hobby out of the house one evening. It was pottery for almost 3 years and I was getting close to being able to teach it as took qualifications. I was also working FT. I do have unnatural levels of energy. So I tried lots of things. Now as myself and my oldest friends reach mid to late fifties it has become apparent some of them lost themselves completely to motherhood. It’s causing some empty nest issues and also some marriage breakdowns, the worst was my poor mate saying ‘ I don’t know who I am’ three divorces currently on the go.

I still don’t have a perfect home and rarely wash skirting boards even with all this time. I volunteer for a two mornings a week with 2 charities and am about to embark on a third. I also go to an art class once a week and a dance class every other week plus fit in an hours walking every day minimum. I also belong to two hiking groups. One a hardcore one and another a more casual.

I also game and am currently playing pal world, the fake Pokémon game.

My best advice to young women is give less of a shit about what people think of you and be true to yourself. My own sister called me selfish because I had an evening class once per week.