What does your 9yo social life look like?

[drspouse]

I feel like we are past the age of parent arranged play dates after school but before they can ask to go to town in pairs or groups!
DD is in Y5, she has 4 or 5 good friends, 3 or 4 are boys, and she sees one or two of these at a junior church youth group (games, snacks and payers I think!) and maybe one at Cubs which is not the closest pack.
She never really asks to do things with these or other friends outside school, and her friends don't really ask her either. Her one female friend has suspected ASD and I think is very exhausted out of school.
She's very popular though and lots come to her parties though she hasn't been to one this school year, maybe they are all smaller parties now?

I'm also quite reluctant to have her friends over (DS has SEN and would muscle in if they were in the house). We can take her out with her friends but she hasn't asked in ages - would this be how your 9 year old would socialise?

She has no phone or social media yet though she has her own email!

I still arrange my 9 year old's play dates. He doesn't think to ask his friends, and if he did they would have no clue when they were free to come over or he go to them.

He has a phone and WhatsApp but he's rubbish at checking messages so if his friends message him, he's unlikely to check or reply quickly... But he's online with his friends just now on Fortnite so that might class as hanging out with them.

Also parties seem to be much smaller. The last party he went to was his best friend and her siblings to an activity and pizza. And he's invited to far fewer parties these days.

My son is 9 and he has playdates every Friday after school (he is in ASC other weekdays) and usually sees friends on both weekend days either after football or after parkrun or we go for lunch or they just come around to play video games or someone brings them to the MUGA. They don't have phones and I wouldn't trust them not to walk under a bus while shouting at each other about Bunny Vs Monkey if they were let out alone.

All the children I know see friends more often than your daughter, but we are in London and they all live within a few streets - it would be difficult if travel were involved.

My DD lives within walking distance of her school as do all her friends so that's not it!

She would totally walk under a bus but I could walk her and a friend to town and there is no traffic there!

9yo social life is all playdates, clubs, parties and playing at the playground after school.

None of her friends have phones or social media on tablets so she doesn't have any online communication with them.

I still have to organise play dates as DS has SEND and he can't really cope with playing free-range yet.

I try and get him involved in some structured activities during holidays where he can interact with other kids in a managed environment. He does days at sports camp, Forest school and music camps. I invite friends over for tea in the holidays.

Term time he's generally too tired to want lots of play dates. He needs after school/weekend to recharge.

”What does your 9yo social life look like?”

Better than mine! 😂

I arrange play dates. Party invites have become much more frequent this year (y5) and we've had 10 already this year. I'm shocked but I also know my DD is much more settled and happier this year so that does have a big impact.

My DD does clubs 3 nights out of 5 and stage coach on a Saturday. Sport Sunday.
Half term I don't arrange specific play dates. We just go out and meet friends.

It hasn't always been like this and I used to worry so much.

She chats to friends on Roblox and other online games but only at weekend as no screens in the week.

If they're happy and busy, I wouldn't worry. Give it a couple of years and they won't ever be home!

Dc1 is about to turn 9. Small village school. The nights he doesn't have an activity straight after school he either goes to the park/someone's house or brings someone here.

Reasonable number of party invites, all the boys/some of the girls. Parties are definitely smaller. We're inviting 14 to his (which is all the boys and a couple of girls). Ones he's gone to recently range from 4 to around 15.

Sometimes sees people at weekends (cinema/jump in type places or beach for a picnic).

He doesn't have a phone or an email yet but I know all his classmates mums and we have clear rules, I.e. these days you can go park/houses if that's ok with their mums or bring people home.

At 9 my DD either went out to play or attended extra curricular activities.

Still quite a lot of parties but the numbers decreasing as parties got smaller.

To add she did have a phone at 8 but that was pandemic related. She's 11 now.

Thanks, sounds like a real mix. I've just been in touch with a mum I know whose boys go to a different school and we're going trampolining next week.
I work 4 days a week so if I want to go it's got to be early evening or weekend but she has a summer sport only and we go to church.
Church is a different one to the group and my 2 were the only ones there this week!