Parents of ADHD children - assemble!

[Saycheeseburgers]

A thread to share solidarity. Mine are 8 (diagnosed) and 5 (no diagnosis, I think possibly ASD rather than ADHD).

My biggest triggers from my 8 year old are his wind up behaviours. He tries to annoy DH and I, and he mercilessly teases his younger brother for a reaction. He also reacts very badly to being told off at all, which unfortunately is often.

He is very funny, both an appropriate and inappropriate times!

He drives us up the wall with his lack of listening even though we know the reason behind it.

He’s not taking any medicine but we are hoping to try some this year.

Checking in. DS9 is being assessed for ADHD and dyspraxia. DS6 is autistic.

DS9 is just a whirlwind. Never pays attention. Simplest instructions have to be repeated a thousand times. I end up shouting because he just doesn’t listen until then. Constant wild energy and banging into things/knocking things over. Never stops talking.

DS6 is much easier but was more obvious (so was diagnosed earlier) because he had a really bad speech delay when he started school. Tbh we thought for a long time he just wasn’t speaking because DS9 never gave him a chance.

Hi @CanaryCanary . It can be exhausting can’t it! DS1 talks so much, people always comment on what a chatty boy he is! We repeat ourselves so much. I also think he is dyspraxic although no diagnosis yet - he has had a few OT sessions though and she agrees with me. He physically cannot do more than one thing at once, if he’s getting dressed and stops to chat (always) - that’s it, he’s stopped getting dressed!

I don’t think DS2 has the same struggles as DS1 was picked up early at nursery as not being able to stay seated, making silly noises, defiance etc, all at not even 3! DS2 is able to do all of these things but he is a ball of anxiety and has very little emotional regulation.

God it is exhausting. He’s 9 and it’s still like parenting a toddler in terms of the constant redirecting. He had 10 spelling words to practice last night and between every one he was up, getting something, dancing around, just seeming to forget what he was doing and wandering off. Took 20 minutes!

Hello, you sound like my people. DS is 8 and got diagnosed last year. He's taking medication for school now which helps a lot. At home he is constantly jumping off stuff and not doing what we ask. He's creative, clever and can be very charming but also incredibly frustrating and thoughtless very often. DD is 11 and pretty much the template for an NT child, there's more and more friction between them as they get older which makes me sad.

Hi @Ffsadhd ! Your username is apt. My DH also has it and I despair sometimes.

Thats great news that medicine has helped your DS for school! Do you find he almost explodes when it starts to wear off, or is it a gradual wearing off?

Can I ask what your kids were like at 4? DD is very bright (I’m not just saying that! She’s just got into a very selective inde school). But she never, ever listens. Can’t concentrate for more than 5 mins. And never ever ever stops talking. She’s also still a bit hit and Miss with wetting her pants. Im starting to wonder about some neurodivergence.

👋🏻 I'm a late adhd diagnosed mum of two boys. Youngest is 7 and most definitely imo has adhd. Not assessed yet but waiting on it. He presents very typically as an adhd little boy.

My dd9 is on a 3 year waiting list. It's hard work getting her to do stuff but she tries. I'm worried about her for high school. Also bad with transitions and may also be ASD and dyspraxia. I need one diagnosis for the extra help!

10yo DS is autistic and just been diagnosed with ADHD, which has come as absolutely no surprise at all! He can’t keep still even when he’s asleep, he reminds me of the Tasmanian devil in the Bugs Bunny cartoons. He knows he’s behind his peers at school, struggles so much to pay attention and is extremely
hard on himself for not being able to. Hoping to start meds in March when he sees CAMHS, so fingers crossed it helps him.

Hi I'm a proud parent to an 18 year old waiting for official diagnosis.... possible autism. We had a very understanding GP last year who finally got him started on the diagnosis route. He struggled for years at school but any concerns from me were brushed off. Good luck to all getting an early diagnosis.....you are good parents x

@Zoomerang age 4 my DS stood out in school and at activity clubs, he wouldn’t be looking at the teacher/coaches when they were speaking and everyone else was looking, he’d be looking anywhere but, fidgeting and fiddling, playing with the football goals at football, that sort of thing! In reception he would be distracted and distract others on the mat, and make silly noises when everyone was meant to be quiet and listening, that sort of thing. Quite textbook adhd boy I think. He was always (and still is most of the time) ok when he’s actually given a task.

At home I wouldn’t say it was that noticable but he is my eldest so don’t have anything to compare it to! He has always talked a lot, made noise a lot, been very busy, but also hyper focuses on toys/games he likes and can be kept busy for a while then, trains when he was really little, Lego and stuff as he got older.

Like your DD he’s bright! His teachers have always been amazed at how well he does and how much he’s learned, because he never looks like he’s paying attention!

He has always been very defiant, since age 2.5-3 onwards, and does things deliberately to annoy us/others. I’ve wondered if he is straying into ODD.

@Saycheeseburgers your DS sounds like mine, he’s currently in reception and struggles with sitting still during carpet time, very disruptive to the other children, making silly noises and very fidgety. But when he’s on a task he’s interested in, he’s totally fine. He’s very bright as well.

Can I ask if your son ever got any extra support at school? I’m just worried about the years coming up and how he will manage.

Medicated DD age 14 here..

DS6 ASD, SPD and ADHD. Full of beans and fun. Now at Sen school did start in mainstream and doesn't sleep so has melatonin and medicated for adhd.

DS3 I suspect on the spectrum but to not the extent as DS6 and adhd but he's so bright and not causing nursery any issues that he's not getting referred due to not meeting the criteria (not my choice)

Love them all the world and extremely proud but I am a living example of survival on caffeine 😂

I don't find he 'explodes' any worse than he did after a day at school. In many ways he's more level as he isn't dealing with the shame and emotional fallout of really tough days...but he is very energetic! He manages to blend over tired and hyper very well, particularly in the evening when I'm done with the day and just want to relax and not argue with him about whether stripping the sofa cushions into a pile to give the dog 'flying lessons' is a good idea.

He's also a very bright child but struggles emotionally and with getting things wrong. On first impressions He's a whirlwind but underneath it all He's very fragile and easily hurt.

@Ffsadhd sounds familiar. My DS definitely has RSD and his reactions to being told off is very much a defense, flight or fight. He’s told me before that when we tell him off, it’s like a voice in his head is telling him we hate him. Heartbreaking.

@Robotbaby no extra support. One of the downsides of being bright enough to get by, he’s not reaching his potential though, he rushes his work too. In Year 1 he had his worst year with a very old fashioned teacher who labelled him as naughty and shamed him in front of the class. Years 2 and 3 he had much warmer, kinder teachers - no experts and we had to meet with them a lot through the years to talk about strategies, but they were both willing to try and learn and didn’t punish him for behaviours he can’t control. He’s Y4 now, he still gets distracted in school and has a tendency to wander about and fidget. I’m hoping medicine might help this.

DS2 age 13 recently diagnosed inattentive ADHD. Much improved as far as focus at school goes with medication but still frequently muttering FFS to myself when dealing with him. Lost his ear buds yesterday, the Christmas ones that replaced the ones he flushed down the loo….

@Patchworksack feel your pain.. endless lost items

Older parent here. DC diagnosed autism age 6, then trans, let's not even go there . DC about to turn 18, and be a responsible adult!!!!!! Oh also ADHD diagnosis as well I can't leave my child unattended to go to the shop ! Never mind anything else.

I think the hardest thing parenting a special child is you think it will get easier, but actually it just gets so much harder. It's getting your head round the fact they are 18 and supposedly going to uni. I'm still teaching my nearly 18yo how to change their bedding

Reading this thread actually makes me really sad and failed my son many years ago When ADHD was considered badly behaved children. .He had so many red flags 24 years ago and I just thought he was quirky and stupidly intelligent. He is so lovely,funny,but he is so chaotic and anxious. He is definitely ADHD / Aspergers.
He has actually identified it himself and we will get him assessed.
Just feel so bad as a Mum that he has struggled for so many years 😞

Don't feel bad. It was just the same for so many people back then. None of our family is diagnosed but I'd lay money on both my brother and DH having ADHD. Their school reports and experiences were classic. DB was just marked out as the bad boy, and says himself in the end he figured if everyone thought he was bad, he might as well live up to his reputation. Sad looking back, but he has muddled through. DH is similar.

DS(6) has been identified as likely to have ADHD, and we have started the process of diagnosis with the school. He is classic in so many ways. Rarely still (unless on a device), constantly distracted and distracting for other children, and really explosive when pulled up on anything. He loves football and plays in a team but we are on tenterhooks during matches whether something will happen and he will lamp someone. Luckily nothing physical has happened yet. The coaches are brilliant with him but we know they have to have limits for the sake of the other kids, so just crossing our fingers he can keep a lid on his temper with tackles etc, and also doesn't lose focus too much during training.

Anyway, it's great to find somewhere where others are in a similar situation, as it can be a bit lonely sometimes. DS was constantly in trouble at school last term, though things seem to be turning a corner this term, fingers crossed.

son is 13 diagnosed adhd, asd, anxiety, dyspraxia, spd, ind, probably some more I’ve forgotten. Daughter 23 months diagnosed with asd and awaiting blood tests, genetic testing and other assessments.
I’m finding life very very hard at the moment 😞

Don’t feel bad, I’ve been told I’m autistic and adhd in my 30s, told as a kid that I was shy/introverted/weird/depressed etc I was severely autistic as a child and as a homeless teenager learned to mask. obviously autism doesn’t effect girls so I was just weird 🙈

Agree with the others - don't feel bad! DS is also very classic 'naughty boy' and we often say that if this was 30 years ago there's no chance he would have been diagnosed. How wonderful that you're still living and supporting him now as an adult.