How to get 6 year old (!) to fall asleep on his own....

[Schoolzie101]

All of the advice I try to find is more directed for younger children.
Basically my almost 6 years old son has gotten used to both me & DH being there to fall asleep. He has some quiet time in bed (either tablet or reading) and then we all lights out and he will fall alseep anywhere from 10-30 mins. But the thing is coupled with the "quiet time" he has in bed where we are with him, thats about an hour of our evening we are doing without.

Has anyone fallen into this rut, and how can we get out of it? He hates being in a room on his own as hes "scared" so I have no clue where to start.

Could you start a story or series of stories that you read him, then you OR dh, then you followed by audio book, then let the audio book take over for the end of bedtime.

We’re in exactly the same position with our 7.5 year old, if you’re looking for any motivation to crack on 😂

My stepson was like this when he first came to live with us, what worked for us was a really structured bedtime routine (which it seems you have) then a couple of minutes of 'getting a clap' (what he would call it but it was basically just stroking his hair) and would then give him a kiss and goodnight. We would always remind him and make sure he knew where we were so he could come straight to us if he needed us. We put on a nightlight and in the early days I would even give him my baby's baby monitor so that he knew we could hear and see him and that really seemed to help him feel less scared. It was almost like it would be with a toddler, he would keep getting up and we would take him back, give him another clap, remind him we were near and could hear and he was safe. Eventually he started falling asleep on his own. Every now and then, particularly if he has seen his mum (he lives with us and there is some background there) he might get up again but we just stick with the routine and take him back. For us it was about making sure he felt safe and knew that we were around to protect him from anything that might be making him feel scared even when we weren't in the room.

@Rainallnight is he an only child as well? I feel its so much easier to fall into this pattern with an only child... everyone around me has multiples and their children just go to bed so easily in comparison ! x

Surely you don’t need to stay whilst he’e having quiet time on an ipad? That’s likely an easy one to cut down on because I’m guessing he probably wants the iPad quite badly so I would make it conditional on him being in his room by himself. Just come back at the end of his allotted time to read him a chapter of his story then sit with him for the 10-30 minutes it takes him to fall asleep?

Dim nightlight and Yoto player and promise to check on him every 5 mins to get him used to being on his own. Also any tablet / phone time in bed prolongs bedtime for us and the time it takes to get to sleep as its stimulating

@InTheRainOnATrain that's a good idea I suppose and that would be a step forwards. Yes he has it on to watch one or two episodes of a tv show, it was bluey but now he has moved on to Ladybug Miraculous.

Probably not a lot of help but DS2 was exactly like this. We moved and he had to share a bedroom with DS1. First night we tucked him in, he rolled over and said good night. Gob smacked doesn't cover it. We never had to do more than a bedtime story after that.

(He's now 19 and wouldn't appreciate the bedtime cuddles anymore)

I've got this issue and I've made some progress if helpful?

Our bedtime routine is bath, bowl of cereal / porridge/toast. Reading together and then I put on her timed nightlight (it's on for about 15 mins) and in that time we cuddle and chat.

When the light goes off I sit outside her room with her door slightly open - she can see me but I can read a book/ look at phone.

And then I'm hoping when it's lighter later I can leave the door a little ajar whilst I potter about upstairs and then I hope just transition to my leaving and going downstairs.

Its working so far

@fisky thank you that's really good encouragement to hear of your own progress!

No, eldest of two and now her little brother is exactly the same ☹️

Ha ha, same. Worst thing is that she used to go to sleep by herself!

Though tbf, she is on ASD pathway and used to get so distressed at bedtime that it could take anywhere up to two hours of meltdowns, settling, calming down... So the current situation of me sitting quietly in the dark in a chair in the corner of her room for 10-20 minutes is bliss in comparison 🤣

I'm building up to the next stage...

OP, have you tried gradual retreat? So slowly stepping back with what you offer in support? Gradually getting further away until you are outside the door?

Or perhaps saying you're going to quickly go to the toilet, but will be back in two minutes (and do return), then say you're going to do X job for five mins and be back, and extend the amount of time you're away (returning each time until it's built up and he then falls asleep)?