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Original poster

MIL makes jokes at my expense

37 replies

SportMum1982 · 22/01/2024 22:11

I get on well with MIL. But she has this thing where she makes jokes at my expense, so mainly when we are with DH family. I’ve noticed it’s just with me, not other SIL or DH DSis, just me.

I am quite a forthright and confident person. She’s quieter (usually) and more reserved. Recently it was parents evening for my older DC and MIL told
me to be quiet and listen and not say too much. I’m almost 42!

this weekend was a family get together and she likes to make jokes at my expense, this weekend I said to her well that’s not very kind! And she thought I was joking. I think she just feels comfortable taking the mick out of me a bit as a joke. But I don’t like it!

OP posts:

MechyMagic · 25/01/2024 10:24

I'd probably start with "hey MIL you know when you said X to me... I know you were trying to have a laugh but it actually really hurt and I'd rather you didn't say stuff like that in the future" (in private)

If she still continues "hey MIL I told you I don't enjoy being the butt of all jokes please stop." (Said at the time in front of everyone)

If she continues again laugh sarcastically "oh yeah so funny, but not as funny as the time you said X about SIL or Y about your best friend" (pick whoever is there and repeat things she said in front of everyone as sarcastically as you can manage.)

pickledandpuzzled · 25/01/2024 17:02

Well in that case you could do a heavy handed ‘Don’t worry kids Granny is just making a joke. She thinks it’s funny.’
‘No honey, that’s ok, my feelings aren’t hurt. I know it isn’t true and it’s just granny trying to be funny’.
etc.

Pinksmyfavoritecolour · 25/01/2024 17:14

Sounds like it boosts her ego to put you down, just because you see her as highly intelligent, doesn't make her a better person, or have good people skills, or very likeable. If as you say she can put you with anyone at a gathering because you are a people person, that's a great skill to have, and maybe it dents her ego.

saraclara · 25/01/2024 17:20

She does make some digs at FIL. These little things can really grind a person down I see it in FIL. The whole family have a bit of a put down humour.

So it's not just you and it's not just her.

I don't like put down humour/teasing, either. But I recognise that for some families it's a way of communicating that they're all comfortable with and don't really take seriously.

TMess · 25/01/2024 17:23

Oh I’ve got one of these, a SIL. I think she feels insecure for various reasons so she tries to knock me down to make herself look better but it’s really hurtful! I’ve been trying a new technique where I just stare at her and let the awkward silence marinate until she stops. Seems to be working.

PBandJ111 · 25/01/2024 17:33

Why on earth is she going to your kids parents evening???

Silverfoxette · 10/07/2024 08:54

My mil is like this, mostly in social situations. I figured out it was anxiety and insecurity. She even made a comment at my close family members funeral. I just avoid her in these settings now, we get on fine when we’re alone.

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 10/07/2024 09:05

How about, an almost under your breath,
"Oh for god's sake not this again" while rolling your eyes skyward.
I don't think taking her to one side and telling her she's hurting your feelings is the way to go.
It needs a response in the moment that signals that you're not putting up with it any longer.

LookItsMeAgain · 10/07/2024 10:38

SportMum1982 · 23/01/2024 18:46

Thanks. It’s always generally in front of other people. It’s like she needs to put me down/knock me back. It’s pretty disheartening. And makes me feel sad.

Time to call her out on what she is saying, straight after she is saying it.

If she does it in front of other people, you call her out in front of other people.

"MiL, why do you repeatedly do/say X about me when there are people around? It is very hurtful and I want you to stop doing it"

"MiL, that was a very rude and hurtful thing you said about me. Stop this right now!" in a firm no nonsense type of voice.

Tell your DH that what his mother says about you and to you is mean, hurtful and upsetting and if she doesn't stop, you'll give as good as you're getting, to everyone as they are sitting around and also not calling her out on what she is saying to/about you.

LookItsMeAgain · 10/07/2024 10:43

@SportMum1982 - you wrote " I am nervous about saying anything to her as she’d be upset."

So, it's ok for you to be upset but not her??? Feck that!!!
Time to rock that boat and make it VERY clear that you're upset by what she says about you and it is to stop immediately. To hell with her being upset, you are upset and that is enough.

Hoppinggreen · 10/07/2024 10:46

Ask her to repeat it, they rarely do

FictionalCharacter · 10/07/2024 11:02

I am nervous about saying anything to her as she’d be upset.

There’s your problem. She isn’t bothered about upsetting you, yet you’re bothered about upsetting her. Don’t be. We shouldn’t be concerned about “upsetting” people who are horribly unkind to us. She won’t be upset anyway - being asked not to be a bully isn’t upsetting- she’ll just be annoyed that you’re spoiling her fun, and that’s her problem.
You say you kowtow to her and take direction from her. Don’t! It makes her see you as an easy target.
Stand up for yourself.

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