Do your children do things they are supposed to do without being told?

[Esgaroth]

I have two aged 8 and 6 and every time they come in from outside they are supposed to put their shoes on the shoe shelf, put hats and gloves in the drawer, hang coats on the pegs.

Every time they come in, if they are not immediately told to do this and watched carefully to make sure they do it, they dump everything on the hall floor and skip merrily into the house.

Every time I notice they've done this I make them go and put everything where it's supposed to go.

This is just one of many examples. But it drives me crazy, after how many years of knowing they're supposed to do a certain task and that they will be made to do the task do they just DO IT?

Will it ever happen?

I think it's personality dependent. My 5yo does it, my 15yo would never.

My son with ADHD does, he is brilliantly organised, my other one - no chance!

Mine are older and I would say:

Sometimes they do what I want without asking
Sometimes they do what I want straight away after being asked once
Sometimes they do what I want on the third time of asking
Sometimes they have a strop and say "it's so unfair, why do you always ask me, it wasn't me anyway...."

So similar to when they were 5 and 8yo, however it's now biased towards the top end of the list.

Mine are 12 and 13 and still don't seem to be able to do simple tasks without being told to.

The just say "You didn't tell me to!" Even though I've probably told them a hundred times before and it's just a simple, thing that should be obvious! 🙄

I have had a 50:50 success rate.
One child has decided it is less hassle all round just to do the things I expect, then get on with other, more fun things. The other seems to like to have it explained anew every single day and can split a simple task into component parts which all need commentary or warrant a question. I don't think it is age related, just personality.

Yes, our 6 year old does the majority of jobs he should in our daily routine.

However, there are some things like - dont chase the dog down the stairs trying to lasso her, that he seems to "forget".

8 & just 10 and they both dump their stuff in the hallway. I constantly cajole about everything.

I've literally just been complaining to my husband that mine who are five and three don't seem to do anything I want them to without me telling them to do it and everything I don't want them to!

the bags/coats thing..yes.
Most other things.. no.

At 10 & 12 they're much, much better, but it took a loooooong time!

No. Mine are 13 and 11 and don't do a thing around the house. Nothing!!!!

Even when they are told I should add.

Snort. I have 2 boys 5 and 12 and absolutely not.

Oh the seemingly deliberate half-arsing of tasks as well. They usually have a bowl of yoghurt right before getting ready for bed and, as they should know full well, they have to put the yoghurt back in the fridge afterwards and bowls/spoons in the dishwasher.

This is another one that they never actually do without being told. My 8 year old today put the yoghurt in the fridge as requested but without putting the lid back on. They both very frequently put their bowl in the dishwasher the wrong way up.

And yes I have told them why the bowl needs to be put in upside down. And yes I do make them come back and do it properly but my god it's wearing.

In some ways it was easier when they were toddlers and I just did everything for them without putting any expectations on them.

mine are 14 and 17, and got read the riot act this evening. they both seem to have decided the things i ask are optional. I have disabused them of this notion.

Currently on a written warning (it went in the group chat as evidence i'd said it) that if they don't sort their attitude out, their tablets/console controllers/computers will be held hostage until the jobs they're meant to do are done.

I will add the eldest is disabled, and i dont ask MUCH of them, literally keep your room tidy and have a shower.. so i'm not exactly working them to the bone here.

This morning I told my daughter to brush her hair. She brushed one half and then apparently needed telling to brush the other half as well. As if maybe this morning, unlike all other mornings, it would be enough to brush half her hair.

I didn't really appreciate when having kids how much of it is like being the manager of an extremely poor employee with no initiative and a terrible attitude

I agree with you OP that I find this incredible. HOW MANY TIMES do you have to say it?! I think the good news is that it does eventually sink in - after literally years of saying the same thing again and again.

I didn't really appreciate when having kids how much of it is like being the manager of an extremely poor employee with no initiative and a terrible attitude so true!!

Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. 10&12.
Much like their father... who is sheepishly getting better at tidying up after himself.

I think it does help if they understand (properly understand) why the thing needs to be done - which is why it gets a bit better the older they get.

If they see it as totally and utterly pointless and "just a thing mum goes on about" then they are unlikely to do it off their own back.

And when I say properly understand I don't mean "hang your coat up or it looks a mess" - because they probably don't give a shit about it looking a mess - you could explain about something like it being easier for people to walk, or easier to find things etc.

Depends on what it is and which child. Washing their pots after they've eaten? Yes. Hanging coats up? Homework? Mostly. Going in the shower? You'd think I'd told them to go and wash themselves in a vat of acid.