How do you cope with intrusive thoughts about your children / any children coming to harm?

[BrainMog]

Inspired a bit by all the threads on war at the moment and the thread about struggling with news of children being harmed, both of which really resonate with me. I have a lot of anxiety about the future my children will grow up in. And I have awful catastrophic thoughts on a loop of them dying in war. I recognise this is obsessive. But because it's a possible future reality I struggle to get out of the loop and dismiss the thoughts. If this happens to you, please tell me what you do to stay sane. I can't be present because of this.

I went to the GP and was prescribed citalopram and I arranged counselling for the underlying cause of my mental health issues at that time (which were related to a death). You can't do much to change the future, but kindly, you do need to do something to ensure that you are here in their present and not letting your anxiety spoil the here and now. Sorry it's perhaps not what you want to hear, but that's what cured me. Take care 💐

You can't hold two thoughts in your head at the same time, so you have to replace the thought with another one. It can be anything, Donald Duck, a chicken roasting in an oven, an elephant in a tutu. Think about the same thing every time the intrusive thoughts arise and eventually it will become second nature and the thoughts will reduce. It worked for me when I had tiny babies. I still do it now if I have to. There was a time when I was tortured by intrusive thoughts, but they're only occasional now.

Of course if you feel you need professional help seek it, but while you wait try displacing the thoughts as I've suggested above. Take care.

Thank you - but how do you cope with or accept the fact that the thought could be real and could happen? I think I struggle to accept this and that's what I need to learn, to manage the possibility :-(

Yeah it's really hard, living with uncertainty and knowing that no one can truly be 100% safe. I struggle with it too. And it's a huge burden of responsibility having brought children into this world and you want to stop anything bad happening to them.

Exactly @Sapphire387

I found one thing helped... understanding how statistically unlikely or near impossible it was that a) i imagine the ( rare) event b) it actually happens ...

In addition to all the suggestions above, I recommend finding a way of distracting yourself in that moment. I took up crafting when I was struggling with PND/intrusive thoughts, and it has honestly been the best thing for me.
If you start having those thoughts, purposely take your mind to another conversation (‘what she I make for tea tonight?’), and you won’t then be fuelling those intrusive thoughts.

The mind can be an amazing thing sometimes, but equally an unhelpful one also. Big hugs 🌻

Thanks for your replies, sometimes I just feel like I'm not resilient enough to bear any uncertainty about their safety. Not a great way to live life and honestly it makes me dread life.

I've struggled with intrusive thoughts terribly since becoming a mum. For me they were based on real childhood trauma, and I had a therapy called EMDR for it which really helped, as well as CBT.

I'm struggling so much at the moment, I feel so guilty for bringing them into a world where they might have to experience or participate in war. The news is intense at the moment. I should stay away from the media but I feel like I need to prepare as much as possible. It's like I can't accept the possibility of them experiencing this and I'm not sure how to live with it. I guess this is about fear of what's to come rather than what's happened in the past. Do you think the CBT would still help in this scenario?

I feel similar OP, my dc are older now but it doesn’t seem to be much easier, dd1 is at uni and I’m always picturing awful scenarios in my head about her coming to harm. My youngest dd has SEN’s and is almost non verbal so when she’s not with me I worry she will come to harm or will be abused and can’t tell me. I try and stay away from the news but it’s hard as things pop up on social media and my phone and then I have to read them.

I have had CBT in the past, it helped a little.

I wholeheartedly agree with Lovemusic82 and toodledo. It certainly sounds as if CBT or EMDR could be useful to you.

In particular a CBT thought record of incidents.

1. Situation – what happened
2. My feelings – how this made me feel
3. Unhelpful thoughts I had
4. Evidence to support my unhelpful thoughts
5. Evidence against my unhelpful thoughts
6. Alternative neutral or more realistic thoughts
7. How I feel now – after completing my revised thoughts

I also recommend reading some material on "Circles of Control" by Stephen Covey. This can help you recognise which things you can influence and control, and which you can't.