Women comparing births

[intact]

So last night going to sleep, you know when you're thinking about all sorts. I'm due a c section in a couple of weeks and I remember a conversation I had with a friend years ago after my vaginal birth with my first, she had had to have an emergency c section.
We was talking about our births and how they panned out, and she said "well it's not the birth I wanted but at least my bits are still intact"
I didn't think much at the time but now I'm older it's got me thinking that was a pretty shitty thing to say when I'd just had a vaginal birth myself. Does anyone agree ?

It's not just that though, Gemma Atkinson has even said something along the same lines herself.
And also another friend of mine again had said the same thing, that she is grateful to not have been destroyed down there and still be neat.

I think it's pretty bad women are saying this stuff, while yes it may be true I don't think it's something to be said out loud, because it can make women who've had vaginal births feel bad about themselves.
For what it's worth, my vagina hasn't been destroyed, yes it's slightly different and I was stitched up wonky so the one side of my labia hangs down when it never used too but it also brought my dc into the world and I felt pretty amazing because of that. I just wish women wouldn't be so focused on having a neat vagina, because let's face it, it's all because of men and what they'll think isn't it ?

I've had a c section since and the only thing I'm grateful for is my bladder not getting anymore damaged because I had a slight prolapse after my first

How do you think you’d feel if they weren’t intact?

A guy at work said that seeing his wife give birth was the equivalent of watching his favourite pub burn down!! This was 15 years ago and I'll never forget it! Twat!!

On the other hand, a friend of mine had a c section and was in therapy for months because she felt she was less of a woman for not having a vaginal birth. I really felt for her 😥

Those of us who've only ever had c-sections, for whatever reason, then have to spend a lifetime up against language such as "normal birth" and "natural birth" as if what we've been through is neither.

Trust me, we are very grateful for our DC, but if you think "we are so focused on having a neat vagina" you are missing the point.

Perhaps once "normal birth" and "natural birth" stop being used, then so will "at least we still have our bits". I think those terms are "pretty bad" to use your words.

It's not a competition FFS.

And while I'm on my soapbox , I think ALL WOMEN would be doing each other a favour if we talked about VAGINAL BIRTHS rather than shying away from saying the word VAGINA as if we still lived in the Victorian age.

Maybe she was referring to women with bad tears - no one wants to think they might have a bad tear so it's taboo to talk about it.

I still have continence issues 6 years on after my anal sphincter was torn in birth. I don't give a fuck about a neat vagina, but yes I would have liked to have remained 'intact'.

You seem to be overthinking what waa probably a throwaway remark years ago.
Does it really matter that much?

I agree. I’ve been confused several times in medical settings when drs have asked me if my children were born ‘normally’. This had been paediatricians, gynaecologists, gps. I genuinely didn’t know what they meant. Mine were vaginal but precipitous and fast so not what I thought was ‘normal’. It took me a while to understand that anything vaginal is ‘normal’. I also had a breast surgeon ask about my fertility/birthing history and conclude my ‘profile as a woman’ was ‘good’. So if you can’t have children or you haven’t given birth your ‘profile as a woman’ is bad?? People need to stop with all this crap.

[now chuckling at the irony of mentioning Victorian times when the other option goes back to Roman times]

My first baby was born by emergency c section and I was fine and happy until I overheard a visiting grandparent so to her daughter well left to you lot (we had all had c sections) none of your babies would have survives. That's when I started to feel a failure and was so envious of friends who had vaginal births. So your friend may have been trying to make herself feel better.

My second baby was a vaginal birth.

Notice how I've said some women though, not everyone. Some women it is about having a neat vagina, I don't care how you put it, it is

Sorry, where have I used the terms normal birth and natural birth ? I'm pretty certain I've said vaginal birth, as that's what they are.

I’ve heard people say this too and it baffles me. I had an episiotomy with very aggressive use of forceps due to baby coming out sideways and I still look and feel exactly the same down there. At the time I would have happily let them chop both my legs off if it meant my baby came out safely. With birth my main concern is baby followed by whether I’ll have any serious issues afterwards. What I look like afterwards genuinely didn’t cross my mind, whether that was a vagina with a different appearance or a belly scar from surgery.

I wish I'd had a section, because my vagina is very much not intact. I think your friend has a very valid point.

It's also not about how it looks. I had an awful tear and I'm still in pain with the way the scar healed, plus other issues many many years later. I've had to have two further surgeries to try to fix the episiotomy and tear, but I have pain with it every day. This happens to a lot of women.

I'm glad your vaginal birth went well, my vagina did not remain intact and I'm not vain and my partner doesn't give a shit what it looks like.

I was quoting from your OP, you didn't say "some" there.

You haven't, and I didn't say you had. I was trying to offer perspective as to why some women might feel compelled to talk about the state of their bits. Apologies if the link wasn't clear.

I think she’s trying to reassure herself and most likely has had that said to her loads of times.
I had a c section and all I’ve ever heard from people was that they were sorry that I couldn’t have a normal birth and experience the joy of the baby arriving at a surprising time rather than being ‘booked in’.
One man said to my dh that my baby came out the cat flap which is a shame as I won’t be able to wear a bikini anymore but least my ‘bits’ haven’t changed unlike his wife.
I’ve been incredibly tempted to say it to other women myself with i’ve had pitying looks or jokes about taking the easy way out!

Not everything is about you or protecting your potential feelings on a matter.

I think as people said she was just saying something because she was trying to make what she went through ok to herself. We’re all paranoid about different things, and just say things sometimes

Not relevant but I've never heard it called the cat flap before 😂

(I've had 2 c sections)

I’m due in a few weeks, no one needs to know how I gave birth (vaginal/caesarean) they can ask they but won’t get an answer other than “I gave birth to a healthy baby girl 💖”

Meow 😸

I've heard it called the sunroof but never cat flap !
And a c section most definitely isn't the easy way out not sure how some people could think that!

Yeah maybe, either way it was a long time ago but does pop into my head every now and then ! Maybe I'm just sensitive 🤷‍♀️ I thought I would post about it though as I'm sure some people will know what I mean.

Gemma Atkinson said something along those lines and then edited the Instagram post as she started to take a battering over.

She likes to appear down to Earth but she clearly thinks she's better than most.

@WhatcomesafteraRainbow

I'm grateful for my child, I'm not grateful for the trauma and negligence that I gained as part of given birth.

The birthing mother is the most important part of labour and delivery, and I'll die on that hill. (I very nearly did).