Help! Night drama with 5 year old

[Nighttroubles3]

DD is 5. She used to sleep brilliantly until a few months ago when she started being scared. It got to the point where she'd wake us up every couple of hours through the night and it wasn't sustainable. So we agreed that we'd put a bed next to ours and if she woke and was scared she could come in with us as long as she quietly got into bed.

It worked for a while but then she started not getting into that bed without waking me up multiple times. Usually making up any possible excuse like asking me to move the bed closer to ours (it's very light and she could do this herself) or saying she wants to get into our bed instead. When I reassure and explain that's not an option she then gets really loud and wakes everyone else in the house so toddler needs resettling etc. I find myself begging her to be quiet and it just makes her louder.

I'm getting quite frustrated with it all. Last week we chatted to her about it and bought a dimmed light bulb for the landing as she suggested that would help. She loved it and slept through for a whole week, so I got excited thinking it was the end of the sleepless nights! Somehow this week this isn't enough anymore and we're back to middle of the night drama.

Any advice? I have no doubt she is scared but I feel like waking the whole house up is not acceptable and I don't really want to budge on that. I also can't budge on her getting into bed with us as we have a small double and I would get no sleep.

We've a been up since 4 after the latest screaming spree and I'm feeling so bad for our 2 year old who's now going to be exhausted tomorrow. Its also teaching her to be awake in the middle of the night when she was in a good routine of sleeping through. Urggh, sorry I'm rambling but I am truly at my wits end with it now!

I'd prefer to let her in your bed than be awake with her screaming, personally. Can you or DH get in the bed next to yours instead?

Or go through to her bed?

Could you put her back in her own room
With an audible book on?

@ThreadLasso so would I but I'm also not sure it's teaching her the right thing. It just tells her if she kicks off enough she gets her own way and everyone just adapts to what she wants? What happens when DD2 is older and wants to be in bed with us too?

Her bed is a single so usually I get super achy after an hour of balancing not to fall out!

@Toddlerteaplease we tried taking her back, she's fine with it as long as we stay with her so i would stay until she was asleep then go back to our room, but then she'd be back through minutes or an hour later and on and on it went.

@Nighttroubles3 She’s too young to understand “Mum making a point on principle”.

Let her in the bed and it will blow over in a few weeks; she wants to know that her younger sibling has not kicked her into the long grass.

We've had this recently, we put it down to being with us over Christmas and a bit of separation anxiety, as she can't pinpoint exactly what it is that's making her scared.

We've tried just letting her in our bed with the hope it would blow over - its not blowing over.

We've tried rewards, stickers etc. She will stay in her bed to get the reward, but she's terrified and cries in there, so that's also no good.

We've had on off good nights. But no real tips I'm afraid, just wanted to say we're in the same boat and also at a bit of a loss how to sort it. Everyone is getting a really poor night's sleep!

There's nothing worse than being scared in the night when you're half asleep. Everything feels worse and she really won't be in the right mind to listen to what you're asking of her, and also she's only 5!

Cuddles make everything feel better. She needs to feel safe and like she has a safety net before she'll be able to sleep alone again. Let her into your bed, it won't set a precedent, it will make her feel secure while she needs it and then she'll go back to her own bed when she's ready. Forcing her will just make her more scared and lonely.

I've been that scared child at night, my parents refused to let me in their bed and it did not help at all. I mean, it helped them because they got to sleep. But I was awake lying scared in my own bed most nights having horrible nightmares with nobody to reassure me.

@Blahblarblehbleh sorry you're in the same boat. When we've tried rewards its worked, she's slept fine, no crying or anything. Even when she does cry in the night it's more of a tantrum than actual tears which is why it is hard. I think occasionally she is indeed scared but I think the majority of the time it's behaviour.

@howaboutchocolate that sounds really sad, thank you for making me see a different perspective. I definitely wouldn't want her to feel like I'm not there for her. That's why in the day when she's calm I do try to explain and find a compromise. So she knows she is allowed to be scared and want to be near us, but she also needs to understand we need sleep, so once she's had a cuddle and is jn the bed next to us she needs to be quiet.

It doesn't help that I'm not a great sleeper, often if I'm woken in the middle of the night, once I've had to get out of bed and we've done musical beds I just can't go back to sleep until the early hours so it is tough going. Though I appreciate that's not her fault.