DH suicidal thoughts (TW)

[peskykiddds]

Sorry if this is triggering.

DH is in a bad way and has told me he's been thinking about killing himself, that it doesn't feel 'wrong' when he thinks about it, he's been thinking of ways to do it. Feels it would be easier just not to be here.

I'm trying my best to listen to him but don't know what I should do to help. He's been in and out of work for years, struggles to hold anything down. Suspected ADHD but they're not even taking adult referrals at the moment.

I don't want to make it about me but I'm also finding it triggering as my dad used to threaten suicide when he was having a nervous breakdown, I was a young teen and it was very upsetting.

I'm encouraging DH to call a GP but not sure if there's anything they can really do if he does. He doesn't have his own family (estranged) and not many close friends who he could confide in about something like this.

What do I do to support him? He's been depressed for most of the time I've known him (17 years) and has had highs and lows and has talked about this before but never as seriously. He always seemed to have something that made him feel like he had a purpose. Now he just can't think of anything. No, not even our kids. He thinks we'd be better without him.

I don’t want this to stay unanswered.

It sounds like you’re doing all the right things. Does your DH work? Does he get out of the house much and have contact with other people?

I’m just asking because my DH also has depression, has had it with highs and lows the whole time I’ve known him and it’s when he stops going out and interacting with other people that I worry the most.

Talking to the GP may or may not help but it’s the right thing to do.

Remember to look after yourself as though.

No job and can't find one. Not skilled and big gaps in employment due to being a sahp. Has a drinking problem which he won't fully admit but seeing people is also therefore problematic. He's seeing a friend today though which is good. But not enjoying socialising either.

OP I think you can contact your GP and ask for an urgent referral to the crisis team. This is what was done in my family, tell them everything he's told you and that he's been talking about how he'd do it. You can also go to a&e and they should get him that help there. I know resources are stretched but they do take it serious especially when someone has a plan.
Obviously this is providing he'd accept help, this is all I know from experience I'm sorry you're going through this.

Are there any local men’s groups in your area? Lots have been set up in recent years to support men with mental health issues / loneliness etc. Id try to find one, contact them myself and they should be able to signpost your DH to some local support.

I wonder whether Andy’s man club or James place (liverpool or London) may be able to offer support.

I also agree that now is the time for action. This isn't ideation anymore and I am also concerned that you have grown up with hearing this stuff which undoubtedly makes you more compassionate towards him but must also be incredibly difficult for you. You need other people involved in this now. I think a call to the GP is necessary and if he escalates his threats then a trip to a and e. He is in a high risk group so it is important to address this. I do also think that there is something in taking action that can be a jolt towards understanding how violent what they are saying is.

Your GP cannot refuse to refer your DH through the 'Right to choose' programme for ADHD assessment.

This is separate to the usual NHS route.

Please look into it.

The waiting lists are shorter - about 6-9 months, I think.

The GP may not know about it, so make sure you research it well and stick to your guns.

Don't go with Clinical Partners if your DP wants to be medicated, as they don't offer it.

A GP would have been ideal but given his current state of mind, he needs access to help that a GP can't directly offer. It would still be worth calling them as they could at least look at medication options.
Would you be happy to share the County or City you are in? (by pm if preferred)
If so I could have a check and see If a service is offered in your area that my partner and myself had to use when he was in a similar situation