Help me out, going round in circles with DH on this!

[itsanotherone]

I'm a long time poster but have changed name in case of identification as I've talked about this in real life.

DH and I keep going over this, it's a circular argument and we're getting nowhere fast. Can you help resolve?

We moved to our 3bed semi 10 years ago and it's in need of decorating. Last summer I wanted to decorate the living room but DH said my decorating skills were crap (I'd painted DDs bedroom just before lockdown). He suggested professional decorators but said we'd need to empty the living room so they could do it (where would we even put the stuff? there's no room!). Then he said we'd need to plaster over the artex ceiling so we'd need that done before it was decorated. Then said before we even did that, the electrics would need sorting - the house was built in the 50s and wiring isn't earthed according to him. In order for that to happen, the loft would need to be emptied so the electrician could access wiring. The loft is full of junk, so we need to spend time dejunking...

All I wanted was to paint the living room, just freshen it up, but he wants perfect and insists it is done properly. It's going to cost a bit and need careful planning, probably taking months. He works from home (is the main wage earner, I'm a teacher in school) but nothing changes, eg no electrician called for a quote and I'm not allowed to use my phone during the day when with pupils so taking calls is tricky, also I'm not at home to let the electrician in so have to relay every convo to DH!

Meanwhile, DH sits on the sofa and moans 'it's a shit hole'.

It doesn't help that DH can't decide if this is our forever home or not (I've said for me, it is, I'm happy here).

Any tips? Should I just decorate it myself and think "sod it"?

He's stalling.

You don't need to empty a room to decorate it. Just pile everything in the middle and put some sheets over it.

Get some decorators' in after work for quotes, Book them in term time so he can supervise.

Well if it needs rewiring then certainly start by clearing the loft and doing it all properly.

There's no point in polishing a turd is there!

Agree with him to get it all done this Summer. A rewire will cost several thousand so brace yourselves.

I would just paint it myself, tbh. If he wants it done properly he can get off hi arse and sort it.

I'd slap a bit of paint on it now, go cheap and cheerful. The option is still there for him to arrange professional decorators at any point if he wants.

You don't need to plaster over the artex. If you paint it white it will look a lot better - I have just done this myself and it's absolutely fine.

No help, but we are exactly the same re getting a small job done - they always lead to massive tasks. It doesn't help that the house was built in 1480...

Send a bunch of WhatsApp messages to electricians asking for them to come and quote over 1/2 term.

Your H is indeed stalling. My dad is the same and it drives my mum crazy. DH is the opposite. I will say "I think we should do X in the next few months" and he's on it before I can even finish my thoughts.

I'd start by agreeing with him.

It's a shithole.

Yes. It is. You're right. I'm embarrassed by it. When are we going to do something about it?

And then every time after that it would be I don't want to hear your moaning. The only person stopping it from not being a shithole is you. Either do something or stfu.

You may want to be more gentle about it 😁

He is right but also depends what you want to do if you decorate it yourself

if it was just a coat of emulsion then crack on

It's about £20ish for 5l emulsion so if you can afford it I don't think it's unreasonable to do a quick job now to brighten the place up a bit while you're waiting.

Start with your budget.

How much can you afford and want to spend.

Get quotes (possibly just to humour him and let him see how expensive things are).

Either then you choose to get it all done or it's too much just now and paint in the meantime.

Get the paint and do it yourself to the best of your ability.

You will then probably live with it like that for the next 10 years / rest of your time in the house.

Good luck and sympathy from me. My DH is similar.

Is there anything else you could do to brighten up the room aside from giving it a lick of paint? A lovely new rug? A painting or some framed prints?

These would have the advantage of being able to come with you if you do decide to move. And it would mean the never ending conversation could end for a bit until you decide whether to do the work, or to move.

My husband stalls like this - our house needs decorating. I do get decorators in and every time it's like a surprise to him that we have to move stuff!

OK the electrics clearly need doing. Even if you sell it needs to be done. It’s a huge job, but most electricians I know organise via WhatsApp. Just start, organise quotes when your DH will be in the house.

Sorry everyone, I got bogged down with something in real life and have only just had some time to get a reply on here! Thank you all for your replies, it's much appreciated, just for the fact I feel listened to.

Just to clarify:

• It's other friends who have used professional decorators who've told us we'd need to clear the room rather than DH saying this.
• The artex is white already.
• DH says I can't just emulsion - the feature wallpaper I want to get rid of in particular is 'loud' and would need several coats. Even then the shiny vinyl bits would prob still bleed through. DH says it would need removing, maybe plastering and then lining paper to do it properly.
• Because of the horrible loud feature wallpaper, just a new rug/pictures won't cut it!

In a positive move, DH has at least started to flatpack his multitude of boxes he has kept in the loft and I've found somewhere local that will take our old books and CDs to recycle. So we have progress! But I do feel quite frustrated that DH is not someone who instigates, gets quotes, plans it. He waits for me to plan and organise it all, which is frustrating especially when he just sits and moans about it.