I posted this in teenagers earlier on but no response as there are far more serious issues on there (which I have also dealt with many of too), but this one isn't a biggy but... can anyone help please?
Hi. I have a 16 year old DD and a 14 year old DS.
DS is doing ok at school (a few detentions and a meeting with the school recently) , nice lad, plenty of friends etc. has always enjoyed football - plays every lunchtime at school but only in the playground. Also used to go to tennis lessons and got good at that - but then he got too old for the group and I took too long to find an older group and by the time I did he wasn't interested.
But essentially he does nothing apart from go to school and hang around with his mates - this is by far the most important thing to him. I know how important it is for them to have at least one hobby/ sport/ interest (besides gaming - this is on and off) to keep them out of trouble, but he's reluctant.
He was keen to join the football team a couple of his mates are in so I put his name down on the waiting list last Feb .I haven't been able to get him to do anything in the meantime.
I had a call from the team manager yesterday and they have asked him to go along for a trial next Saturday. Finally!!
I haven't mentioned it yet as I need to wait for the right moment. But I think I know what the answer will be already.
I have tried (in the last couple of months) :
Ok so you have your D of E coming up and you need to learn a new skill or do some sport. What would you like to do .. football, boxing.. tennis?
Hmm no none of those
Ok then what ? Have a think ...
This has come to nothing.
How can I get him along there? I can't forcibly make him go. I don't want to threaten him with losing his phone as then it will seem like a negative thing. Please don't tell me that I'm the parent and he's only 14 so I can 'make' him go. I'm a single parent, he's taller than me and I have to find a way of making him go of his own free will.
A really good friend of his goes but I think underneath the surface there might be a pride issue there as DS would be the new boy and might worry he isn't going to be good enough or as good as his friends in the team. I have thought about contacting the friends dad though as I know him.
As a final thought - I know this is wrong but I have considered financially incentivising him (ok bribing him) as I think he will really like it if I just get him to go once.
Any advice or things that have worked for you? Thanks!