Weird, nosy work colleague

[JaneyGee]

A new guy has come to work with us. He's in his late 40s and very nice – pleasant, good sense of humour, etc. But he's childless and has never been married. He also lives with/takes care of his elderly mother.

Anyway, my work colleague (who I have never liked) can't get over this. She thinks it's weird that a man in his late 40s has never married or had kids (like this is the f-ing 19th-century) and keeps going on about it. Frankly, I'm on the brink of telling her to shut the hell up and mind her own business.

Is it me? Am I not being curious enough? It baffles me that she's so baffled. Why do people think the whole point of life is to get yourself shackled to another human being? Like it's some major achievement. The happiest people I know are all single or divorced, while my married friends (with one exception) do nothing but moan about their partner or kids.

good lord

Tell her to give it a rest. Its none of her business.

Tell her shes the weird one. And to mind her own business

Why is she so bothered about his life?

Ask her if she’s shown an interest and he’s blown her out, as this is the only reason for her commentary?

Tell her to give it a rest, if persists then you have to call it harassment.

You could argue that to assume everyone wants children is assuming a number of things, heterosexuality for one, or that they are biologically able to. Or they might be like a friend of my father, who never married after a fiancée was killed in an accident.

She thinks it's weird that a man in his late 40s has never married or had kids (like this is the f-ing 19th-century) and keeps going on about it.

Does he know about it? If so, does he want to make a complaint? I certainly hope he would but he may not. For youself, I would be telling her to stop, you find her viewpoint odd and done wish to discuss it or hear any more about it.

How pedestrian of her.

I think there was an assumption that a middle aged man living with his mother was either a weirdo or in the closet. But surely in this day and age with the cost of rent or mortgage payments it’s more common? And anyway, if they’re both happy with it who cares? And it’s no ones business

Sounds like she has some serious insecurities.

I know lots of people who never married or had children or some that did it much later in life.

Tell her to stop being so judgmental and not everyone wants to get tied down with marriage early on in life.

So true. She sounds immature.

I would say something to her like if he heard you talking about him like this he could report you to HR. It's really horrible that some people think everyone has to conform to their own narrow experiences.

I don’t have children and everywhere I’ve worked I’ve had at least one nosey colleague who seems absolutely befuddled that I don’t have children. Also I didn’t get married until I was older than ‘normal’ and that just increased their befuddlement. That was increased further during the time I had a boyfriend but was in no rush to get married. LOTS of questions! Just tell her you’re not interested in his personal life every time she brings it up and she’ll move on to someone else.

Is she saying this in front of him or gossiping in general? I’d pull her up on it and tell her to give it a rest, poor guy doesn’t deserve her nosiness.

Imagine being new and being the topic of loads of discussion and questions like this, it’s awful!

Reminds me of a colleague who dated a recent graduate circa 1985. She was 20 and lived with her parents. One of his friends though this was odd, but I felt it was the norm at the time for a non graduate

A quarter of UK men over 40 do not have children, so he is the one in four, that is pretty common.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2023/aug/28/unspoken-grief-childless-men

A man in his late 40s, single and lives with his mum is a tad, er, unusual.

But I’d leave it at that. Not everyone follows societal conventions and it’s not worth gossiping over.

It's unusual to be living with your mum at 40 (white uk). It's perhaps a 2min convo between colleagues. Done.