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DH always has to be ill when I am!

28 replies

melonballer2 · 18/01/2024 21:15

I've been unwell today with a migraine, woke about 6 am with it already quite bad I took my meds which usually work but today they just were not getting into my system. I vomited about lunch time, took more tablets and finally about 2pm I finally fell asleep for about an hour.

When I got up at 3pm I did a few household tasks hung up a washing etc and made some tea and toast for myself, I did offer DH but he refused the toast. I work from home so told DH also working from home today that I needed to catch up with my work for a few hours but that when he was done he could start the dinner. I had made a lamb hotpot last night and all he had to do was make some mash to go with it.

DH had already been up to tell me earlier in the day that he was not feeling well, that he had taken a lemsip. After he finished work he came up and said he wanted to have a shower to see if that made him feel better, fair enough. When he came out he went into the kitchen I assumed to start dinner after about 45 minutes and feeling really quite hungry I went down to see how he was getting on and found him on the couch with a blanket over him. He'd made himself tea and toast! I told him it was rude of him to make food just for himself without offering me, that i was hungry too and I'd been expecting him to head the hotpot and do the mash by now. He then said if I'd been hungry I should have come down and made it myself!

I was pretty pissed with him by this point and went to make the dinner, he came in and ate it then helped wash up before going back to the sofa and his blanket because he was feeling unwell. I checked his temperature which was fine and I asked him how he felt, his response was that his nose felt a bit dry!

He's on the sofa now waiting for his cup of tea while I am finishing tidying up (and typing this). I mean perhaps he is ill and coming down with something but it doesn't matter what it is if I am ill he says he is sick too including when I've had gynaecological surgery! He was great in many ways and looked after me but he acted like an invalid himself.

I am sure people will say he's faking being sick to get out of doing stuff for me but I don't think that is what is in his mind, I think he probably does imagine he feels unwell I just don't get why?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 18/01/2024 21:17

Why do you need mash with hotpot? It’s got potato on top!
And your DH sounds a typical man. But remember that he is so much more ill than you.

melonballer2 · 18/01/2024 21:18

@DustyLee123 I'd made the stew part of the hot pot yesterday, DH just had to make the mash for on top and put it in the oven.

Yeah I think a lot of men are like that to be fair!

OP posts:
Bakensmile · 18/01/2024 21:24

DustyLee123 · 18/01/2024 21:17

Why do you need mash with hotpot? It’s got potato on top!
And your DH sounds a typical man. But remember that he is so much more ill than you.

No, he doesn’t sound like a ‘typical man’. He sounds selfish and doesn’t seem to care about OP. The reason so many women accept being treated like utter shit is because of this false ‘typical man’ tinkly laugh nonsense.

OP - why are you making him cups of tea, cooking for him, and asking him how HE is when you are the one who is unwell? Stop enabling his behaviour and grow a back bone!

melonballer2 · 18/01/2024 21:26

@Bakensmile Perhaps you should moderate your tone, I'm already feeling a bit fragile without you sticking the boot in thanks.

OP posts:
Jingleballs2 · 18/01/2024 21:26

His nose is dry 😂

Everyone in our house could be ill with the same thing and DH will always be the worst off 🤨

Bakensmile · 18/01/2024 21:30

melonballer2 · 18/01/2024 21:26

@Bakensmile Perhaps you should moderate your tone, I'm already feeling a bit fragile without you sticking the boot in thanks.

Apologies, I didn’t mean to stick the boot in.

But I see this time and time again on mumsnet, a long rant about absolutely useless DH’s and it always follows with enabling behaviour. I find it infuriating tbh, but I guess that’s my problem!

Snowydaysfaraway · 18/01/2024 21:30

Best thing I did with exh was to agree he looked terrible and insisted he went to bed.. And..
Closed the door..
Out of sight really was out of mind.. He did huff and puff I didn't Tend To His Every Need but didn't make as much fuss ever again..

Throwawayme · 18/01/2024 21:32

I don't think Bakensmile was being harsh though. These threads seem to come up often where men are suddenly ill when their partner is. I honestly do think he's at it to avoid doing things for you. Don't pander to him by making cups of tea for him when he couldn't do just one thing for you with the mash.

CharmedCult · 18/01/2024 21:32

But OP, @Bakensmile has a point... Why are you making him cups of tea, cooking for him, and asking him how HE is when you are the one who is unwell?

Do you do this every time he has an episode of competetive illness?

stomachameleon · 18/01/2024 21:33

I don't think @Bakensmile was harsh either nor sticking the boot in. Honest yes.
Go and get under your own blanket with a cup of tea and relax.

Therealjudgejudy · 18/01/2024 21:34

Why are you making him tea? Come on op, stop enabling this nonsense

Soubriquet · 18/01/2024 21:34

Why are you making him a cup of tea though? His nose is dry, boo fucking hoo.

pictoosh · 18/01/2024 21:36

It's interesting how much I've heard about this phenomenon over the years. It seems fairly common. Woman is ill, man has to be ill too.
I don't know what drives it really. Selfishness and control I suppose.

Gowlett · 18/01/2024 21:36

I leave my DH to veg in bed too when he’s sick, as he becomes Mr Mopey McMoperson. All he can do is lie down.

When I’m sick (I get headaches, too) he won’t bother with the house, then gives me stick about the state of the place.

Boomboom22 · 18/01/2024 21:37

Problem is you've validated that he is more ill than you. If you can do washing and make dinner when he 'can't' in his mind you've proved you are well. You have to beat him at his own game. Take to bed and stay there. Pathetically moan for toast and tea because you feel too ill to get up. Always wear a dressing gown. Groan when you move etc.

itsmylife7 · 18/01/2024 21:58

Therealjudgejudy · 18/01/2024 21:34

Why are you making him tea? Come on op, stop enabling this nonsense

Yes and taking his temperature 😏

spicedlemonpie · 18/01/2024 22:09

My son said he felt off for a few days laying on the sofa said the same thing my nose feels dry.
I replied with really you got something better you could use as an excuse.
He woke this morning with the flu and a barking cough.
Feeling guilty now.

GrumpyPanda · 18/01/2024 22:10

melonballer2 · 18/01/2024 21:26

@Bakensmile Perhaps you should moderate your tone, I'm already feeling a bit fragile without you sticking the boot in thanks.

You've got to be thinking the same though. Why else would you have posted on here?

Agree with pp - I wouldn't make tea for the selfish git.

toepick · 18/01/2024 22:16

My FIL was like this when MIL was ill

She enabled it

It actually gives me the rage
It's selfish, controlling and nasty

And yet it's enabled with 'men will be men' shite

Imagine if your kids were ill and you carried on with fake illness because you couldn't bare to lift a finger for them or were jealous of them getting some attention

My MIL told me that years back she was practically on her knees with pneumonia and the GP had to come and have a word with FIL to wake him up to the fact that his wife was actually really ill
Fucking pathetic assholes

Vinrouge4 · 18/01/2024 22:22

Makes me laugh when people post asking for advice and then take umbridge when advice is given which is not what they expected.

WandaWonder · 18/01/2024 22:24

So you are sick when he is or he is sick when you are?

Pigeonqueen · 18/01/2024 22:28

Throwawayme · 18/01/2024 21:32

I don't think Bakensmile was being harsh though. These threads seem to come up often where men are suddenly ill when their partner is. I honestly do think he's at it to avoid doing things for you. Don't pander to him by making cups of tea for him when he couldn't do just one thing for you with the mash.

I agree.

Seriously79 · 18/01/2024 22:30

I've got one of these OP and I feel your pain!

It's exhausting! X

toepick · 18/01/2024 22:32

I don't know how you tolerate being married to these assholes