Can you help me plan my weekends with young child better (to keep my sanity)?

[Stockholm2015]

Does anyone have any tips for finding ways to enjoy weekends a bit when you have a young child/ren? As much as I love my child and our family of 3, I confess I do find myself feeling like I have to brace myself for the weekends these days. Working (wfh) seems like a luxury these days. On Thursdays I find myself thinking "oh no, it's Friday tomorrow". Obviously weekends with a young child are never going to be the same as when we were child-free (lie-ins etc), but I'm hoping we can tweak how we do them to make them feel a bit more enjoyable.

Please no judgements or "it's a shame you don't enjoy spending time with your child" type comments! 🙏 I do love my child to bits but he is very full on and exhausting, a complete comet of energy and weekends are spent booking up things to keep him entertained and let him run off steam. Usual weekends at home consist of - soft play, stay and play gymnastics, playgrounds, toddler football club, adventure parks, museums etc (not all in one day). We are lucky to live in London so plenty of options. Followed by a meal at pizza express or me attempting to create a family dinner culture at the table - the reality being I cook something and 3yo says it's yucky and gets down immediately. Followed by horseplay, silly dancing etc, catching up on laundry, up to bath time, books and bed. A couple of hours of a box set and a takeaway with DH, then early to bed and ready for the 6am wake up with son switching on the light and jumping on my head.

We've started trying the cinema which worked well once (paw patrol movie and a glass of wine - mine of course), but less so the second time (crap Trolls movie which son hated and ran out of the cinema - at least we have similar taste)!

The majority of activities are exhausting though and he's not the sort of child who'll sit and play or nicely draw by himself - though we are trying to encourage him and extend his concentration.

DH and I got into the habit of doing his bathtimes together. This started during Covid and we never stopped. We only have one child and DH works away a lot so we do tend to do a lot of things together at the weekend, though maybe we could start to rethink this a bit and alternate more.

I'm being a bit flippant in my tone and I do know how lucky we are. I know I'll miss these days when DS is a grumpy teenager. But nevertheless am I missing a trick in a few ways I could try to rethink how we do a typical weekend to keep my sanity?

(A bit of context. We've no other family to babysit, and it's just us. I'm 45,I think I'm peri and have been put on HRT which I'm just starting. Been feeling fairly tired and also had some financial crises / redundancy, and marital issues which we have worked on through counselling. This is off the back of the baby and toddler years, and a traumatic birth experience during the pandemic which took me a long time to deal with. It sounds like a lot to deal with in many ways, but we are all healthy and fortunate and I adore my husband and son. Just coming out of a heavy few years and looking to try and enjoy life a bit more!)

We have a toddler too, they’re exhausting! What did your weekends look like pre-kid? I’d have a think and try to work some of that back in.

We take it in turns to have a lie in (so I get Saturday, H gets Sunday). Then we’ll usually go out for some air; bonus points if you can meet up with friends with children as the kids tend to entertain each other. Get home mid afternoon and don’t feel guilty about sticking a movie on as we’ve been out the rest of the day.

We also frequently take time to ourselves at weekends. I know it’s “family time” but when you’re working all week there’s no other downtime. So I might take a couple of hours and meet a friend while H stays home and vice versa. I mean, it’s nothing groundbreaking but it seems like you’re missing some time to yourself! We see family quite a bit at the weekends too, let them entertain the kid for a while ha.

Maybe divide and conquer. To some stuff together but maybe each have him for a few hours so the other gets a break.
Get sitters to babysit. All qualified people.
Any friends in similar boats. Lots of people think not to bother others at weekends but anyone else fancy a park visit en masse?
Is he ever left to amuse himself. Looking at his schedule he's on the go a lot organised by you.

What did you do at weekends before kids?

I refuse to fall into the trap of "entertaining" my 3YO at weekends!! I think there's plenty going on in the week, and down time is important for all of us. There's also lots of years left for soft play etc, and I usually do stuff like that with my day off in the week.

I will do things that we will all enjoy, but will also tire her out though. So we go for walks along the seafront so DH and I can get a nice coffee from the pier, and she brings her scooter. I'll pack up her colouring and stickers and we go for lunch and all colour with her while we chat. We might meet friends or family. As PP suggested we also take the time to get some "alone time" too, so we each go to the gym while the other stays home, we alternate lay ins if we need them, we take a morning to go see a friend while the other stays home etc.

Other than that, she tags along with us at home doing what we are doing. You can help me tidy the kitchen or put washing away, or you can go play - your choice. When I've finished doing the dishwasher we can do a puzzle - do you want to help, or wait for me in the playroom. Her current favourite thing at the weekend is to go to the tip with Daddy

Agree with the above. Sleep is a priority here so one lie in each. Introduce a gro clock or similar and try to teach your son to stay in his room until X Time, so even the ‘early’ get up is not 6am.

We have a kids activity both mornings now so we alternate who takes her to that. Sometimes we do a family thing like a meal, farm park type place. Other times we individually spend time with our child while the other has some free time - cycling, seeing friends or whatever makes you happy. It does not need to be non stop family time in my view. I do like my daughter to get out and do something each day - park, bike ride, soft play, meal out or whatever otherwise it’s wall to wall tv and role play and I find it very tedious!!

we are about to have number 2 so no doubt all of this will have to go out the window!!

I think you need to break it up with seeing your friends. Can you do play dates so you can chat to other parents while kids play with eachother or just run off with a ball etc? Or have at least one half a day at the weekend to yourself to see friends while DH has her and visa versa. Each have a lie in each at the weekend.

Break the weekend up in to 4 sessions. Each parent does one session alone giving the other one down time or time to get jobs done. Do the other sessions together. Swimming / soft play / play date / museum / Park/ bug hunting in the garden / play doh / craft /cinema etc.

Tactfully suggest to your husband that bathtimes can be solo affairs, even it is so the other parent slings toys in an argos basket or starts dinner prep. Also maybe aim for either a family lunch or dinner ONCE a weekend so a pizza express or an early Sunday roast and aim for Adults only dinners on the other day(s)

I had an early riser child and I tried all sorts but ultimately I can promise once they can eat a bowl of cereal independently and want cartoons you start to see the light!

I definitely found getting out and about in the mornings to burn off energy, run the odd errand and then home later on was a good plan.

The other thing was if we divided and conquered the 'free parent' had to be invisible I.e. go out and exercise or they go out and you clean the bathroom if the you (the default!) Are there it's impossible

Definitely split the lie ins for a start. Do you have any friends with similar aged kids. One day of our weekends are usually spent with me taking my DSs to a friends for lunch/catch up while my DH does DIY or his own thing at home. Sundays if we're free I cook a roast which involves me sending DH out to the park with the boys for a few hours while I get some alone time then they come back starving and we eat together then normally crash and watch a film together.

Apart from that your weekends do sound fairly similar to ours. They get easier when they're older and have clubs or parties you drop them off at and go for a coffee in peace

This in your OP:
Usual weekends at home consist of - soft play, stay and play gymnastics, playgrounds, toddler football club, adventure parks, museums etc (not all in one day). We are lucky to live in London so plenty of options. Followed by a meal at pizza express or me attempting to create a family dinner culture at the table - the reality being I cook something and 3yo says it's yucky and gets down immediately. Followed by horseplay, silly dancing etc, catching up on laundry, up to bath time, books and bed. A couple of hours of a box set and a takeaway with DH, then early to bed and ready for the 6am wake up with son switching on the light and jumping on my head

You are literally already doing everything I was going to suggest. It's just tiring. He'll outgrow it. The only thing I'd add is - don't be afraid of screen time at home. Better than cinema as you can get on with other stuff at the same time. When you get home, stick on a film he loves. If he will watch it on his own, sneak off for a quiet cup of tea or glass of wine in the kitchen with your DH. If he won't - one of you can 'watch' it with him and the other cooks dinner. Take turns.

I think if you have an active child it's best to tire them out in the morning. Bike riding, soft play, Park Run, swimming, trampolining, football in the park all tire kids out. My DGC are very active kids, elder DGS has ADHD and now medicated and my DD takes them swimming or Sil takes the elder DS on a long bike to ride and DD takes the younger DS on a smaller bike ride. Or DD takes elder DC on adult 5km Park Run with her and SiL takes younger DS out on his scooter or bike. They often meet up for lunch. Child's play park even in winter if not wet. Once they are home SiL plays Lego with them which they are more able to sit and play after their active morning. DD cooks dinner. SiL does bath and bed at 7.30pm. Sunday morning both boys up by 7am they take turns to do breakfast/lie in for an hour. DD takes both boys to the 2km Park Run. This tires them out. SiL does laundry changes bedding and towels. When she gets them home they have a snack then SiL immediately takes them out to watch a local football game in the park and plays football with them whilst DD gets dinner on, washing school uniforms in and vacuums around. Afternoon board games, art and craft or an occasional blu ray. Food, bath and bed for boys by 7.30pm. They also seem to eat a lot of fruit/veg snacks like cucumber sticks and humus or carrot sticks, sliced up apple or satsuma, sultanas, grapes. They take some out with them, for after the exercise then eat some when they get home too. They came to me for a weekend in December. I organised a climbing wall at local Sports Centre for Friday evening. Then Saturday morning trampoline in garden for 30 mins before painting a clay Xmas decoration at local pottery and indoor play barn afterwards with lunch out. Followed by blu ray Snow Dogs when we got home. Then DH took them out walking our 2 dogs around the lake late afternoon whilst DD and I cooked dinner. Then Sunday 2km Park Run at 9am then large soft play in the afternoon before they went home. I find their behaviour is much better if they do lots of physical exercise. The thing to remember is this stage will pass at some point.

I think you've done really well to get your DC into a good routine. You'll probably find your second DC just fits around your first DC for the first year until they want to do things themselves.

I could have written this post word for word. We are living the same life OP. I'm following for advice 💐

Id say much the same as has already been said!

Don’t be afraid to divide your time - it is good for your child to get 1:1 time with parents and it’s good for each of you to get time to yourself. Each have a lie in (even if it’s short) at the weekend. Things like bathtime don’t need to involve both adults.

Don’t try to wear him out! Honestly, my life got better when I accepted that my toddler would always have more energy than me! Obviously do active things, but do them for their own sake.

What would you have done pre-kids? How could you get imaginative and bring some of those things in?

It sounds like your whole weekend is child-focused. It really doesn’t have to be - being part of family life, trailing along doing adult things (supermarket, art gallery, hiking) is hugely important for kids to grow up in to well rounded adults.

Things are a bit Groundhog Day with young kids, unfortunately that’s really just how it is. What can you plan for the future? That’s when I feel myself really struggling, when I feel like there are no big milestones to aim for. So put them in.

I make my son do stuff with me that I want to do. Gardening, shopping, baking, errands, tidying up, seeing my friends. As well as all the activities that you describe. There is some time to divide and conquer as well as people have said. Also the balance bike has been a game changer. We walk a lot for errands. My husband does the same.

DD is very high energy and the best thing about this age is that most activities become drop off. We've packed in regular weekly classes to keep her busy (and build different physical skills). She does swimming, ballet, gymnastics and football over the weekends at the moment. In between we spend time in playgrounds and going out for lunch etc. But a lot of the physical work is outsourced and she's entertained by a professional who is experienced with dealing with that age group, and has chosen to work with kids so is better at it than me or DH! We take turns to take her to the various activities so I get a chance to go to the gym or see an exhibition or whatever, and DH gets the same.

They all run in term times so she gets time for other activities during holiday breaks. Personally I find that dcs this age do need a lot of stimulation and it definitely wears her out, there's a real difference when she doesn't have these classes on and is bouncing off the walls.