Struggling and Don't have any friends to talk to

[YesterdaysCheese]

Long time user/lurker here, was v active when kids were small, now not so much. Have reactivated my account today because I am struggling a lot. Actually stopped car on level crossing this morning sort of struggling, before thinking how annoyed DH would be if the car was damaged.

Anyway, I have so much going on right now and literally nobody to talk to. I'm in my 40s, 2 kids at secondary school -one has additional medical needs, so spend my life driving said child around to appointments and to school as on reduced timetable. Other is just stroppy but generally a sweetheart.

I'm executor of a family member's will, which involves selling their house in a different part of the country. Also managing other relatives' expectations as they are annoyed they were not executors and can all smell money. Anyway, yesterday the house had an emergency, so have spent past 24 hrs phoning, emailing everyone, sale is now threatened. So I feel massively guilty about the poor buyers as well as family. And estate agents having to manage this for me. I did not sleep last night for fretting about it all.

This is all on top of other stuff I'm doing. I'm a volunteer leader in a uniform group, which I mostly enjoy, but the other two leaders blatantly dislike me (I mean, I get it, I loathe myself too! But it doesn't help me want to keep volunteering!)
I have 2 other organisations I volunteer for, but neither is one where I can make friends really. Acquaintances, yes, but nobody I can braindump on.

My closest friend has been pulling away for a while, and just isn't interested in talking to me any more - fair enough, her choice etc.
I used to have colleagues who were friends, but since none of us work together anymore, they have all fallen by the wayside.
My parents have lost interest in me since a sibling moved closer to them and had kids - again, fair enough! But I just feel so incredibly isolated. I am probably perimenopausal too, which isn't helping. I'm already on SSRIs which do keep me from jumping most days. But I am dangerously on the edge today and don't know what to do.

Not sure what I am posting this for tbh, mostly hoping that writing it down will unleash some of the pressure for long enough that I can get my head back under control. But who knows.

To mention your husband would be annoyed about the car, was that tongue in cheek, or is he also unapproachable to talk to?

Sorry, should have said, no, he is great - but I hate dumping everything on him as he lost a close family member recently too, so is still grieving as well. It has been a particularly rubbish few months for us. He is a good man though, supportive, and can't really fault him.

You sound like you feel so unseen and unappreciated.

You say you loathe yourself. You sound like you keep so much together for others for no thanks. You sound like someone who should be sung to high heaven with praise for what you do, not disliked.

Feel free to vent here :)

You're dealing with loads so no surprise you feel like this.

Could you point out to the relatives awaiting their share of the money they need to do some of the work as you have a family and the quicker this gets sorted, the quicker they get their money? People usually jump when things are in their favour and smell money rather than you asking "for a favour".

Please don't let any charity bring you down as you're helping them. They should be grateful and appreciative. I had this so found another where I've been welcomed and supported.

Sounds like your self-esteem and mh's so low people are taking full advantage. It an be very hard to stand up for yourself but if you're better at standing up for your family, nothing wrong with saying "I can do this but not that or if you want me to deal with the repairs you'll have to do the school run". You can't do everything.

Thanks all.
Sadly nothing relatives can do to help at the moment, it's all in my name as executor and I need to sort it. Just having them all offering advice and nipping at my heels a bit is overwhelming me today.
Re: the charity, my child is benefiting from it at the moment, so have at least 2 more years until I could potentially tell them where to stick it.
I should add, we have no family nearby, nearest are 4.5 hrs drive away, so there is nobody to help. And due to child's health needs, I cannot work at the moment (although that's another thing - I have literally no skills whatsoever to offer to any employer), so DH has to be the main breadwinner, whilst I sort everything else out. He does what he can when not working, but can't really drop a meeting to collect a child who isn't coping several times a week!
Thanks for letting me vent, I think I need a space to do that, and mumsnet is brilliant for being that space.

Ho dear op I understand when everything gets on top of you I have been there not the same circumstances as you but family worry everyday stuff it's so overwhelming I know you said your dh is great and still grieving but maybe just unberdon yourself talking to him he wouldn't want you feeling like this you sound like a strong lady that is doing too much don't be hard on yourself 🌹

You're very hard on yourself and are doing better than you think considering everything going on.