Short version of the story that got me to this.
I got cancer a few of years back, got the all clear, now I think its potentially back again, if so it shouldn't be life threatening, but I will be unwell for a while again.
I have 2 daughters by ex, 5 and 7, ex and I split when the littlest as a few months old. He didn't see them for about a year, then saw them for an hour here and half an hour there until I made a stand and told him it was proper contact on a regular basis, or nothing at all.
Ex has a one bed house, total hovel actually, I had to stop the girls from going over until he cleaned it up at one point (literal rubbish and mould everywhere, seen on a video on dds tablet, it was disgusting) he can't cope with them for longer than a couple of days, he gets two overnights a month, his choice, even then he's 'slept in' and missed a few times. He loves them, but he's not reliable or particularly responsible.
Onto the problem. I spoke to a solicitor to get my will sorted (morbid I know, but I just want to get it all sorted just in case). While speaking to solicitor I queried what would I could do about my kids, she suggested a guardianship order. I have an older son who is 20, and another 15 yo daughter too (their dad hasn't seen or spoken to them in maybe 6 years).
My son has made it very clear from the first time I was ill that he wants to have responsibility for my kids should I die, he was too young the first time around, but he's 20 now and has reiterated that he wants the kids. We have had multiple conversations over a period of time and he is steadfast in his view.
He is capable and responsible and he has a support network, my council house tenancy would pass to him, he's been involved in school stuff, and basically took over at points when I was unwell, has steady employment, is doing a degree so great prospects too, he's a very mature and responsible young man <proud mum>
My daughters dad refused to help beyond his usual, and even made fun of me for various side effects I was having, told me I was a crap mum for not having energy etc when I was ill the first time.
Anyways, because my son having guardianship would mean basically coparenting with my ex I sent him a message 4 weeks ago to ask what his thoughts would be about it.
He didn't reply, I left it, sent a follow up message 2 weeks later, still nothing. So then I messaged and said that's fine if he doesn't want to talk about it, but I would be proceeding as I don't actually need ex to sign anything or whatever.
Well next day he messaged me a tirade, telling me I was being deeply upsetting and hurtful to him, put myself in his shoes, and that I'm basically being a twat who's just saying this to get at him.
From my POV he's not very interested or equipped to have them full time, I have someone there who is heavily involved in their day to day lives and will be getting guardianship of my other dd anyway and adores his sisters and will have the time, space and money to rise them (life insurance, I'm poor 🤣) I asked his opinion, and if he had come back saying he wasn't happy and come up with a plan to move forward and parent the girls then I was more than open to that, but he didn't, so it's all in motion now.
Everything will be drawn up this week and signed next week. I guess I'm asking if I am being a twat to ex by sorting things this way, is there something I haven't thought of? Should I just dismiss it all and hope I don't die in the next 13 years to save exes ego?
I'm just at a loss what to think anymore.