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NC after LC hasn’t helped?

8 replies

Alba90s · 17/01/2024 14:42

I’ve only had a relationship with my sister for the past 2 years, nothing before that since we were children. We were never close and only bonded because of family trauma that made us stick together as the only 2 in the family left.
As much as I hate to admit it, I don’t like her. If she were a friend I would have ghosted/blocked/ended the friendship long ago. She’s a rude and judgemental person, always says negative things about people and is generally not nice to be around. It’s got worse since she met her current boyfriend who has influenced her to be more unlikable, he’s very loud, obnoxious and a heavy drink and drug user, she went for the ‘bad boy’ for some excitement apparently and now she’s unrecognisable. My partner can’t stand him and will refuse any offers of meet ups if he will be there. He bullies him with uncalled for comments then gets aggressive if my partner defends himself so we don’t have a relationship with him anymore.
My sister has now slowly become quite disrespectful towards me over the last few months. I had a baby not long ago and she will often make passive aggressive comments like ‘he’ll grow into his looks/ he’s going to be short and fat when he grows up..how cute/ he should be doing xyz by now I bet he has special needs’ and on it goes mainly about his looks making it clear she thinks he’s ugly. The worse thing is she has 2 children with SEN and has had a hard time from others about this, she’s been sensitive to rude comments people have aimed at her and doctors have told her that her baby is very delayed and also may be SEN. I’ve been supportive to her through these situations and never been judgemental so it’s hurtful she can’t be the same for me.
The latest comment that my partner is lazy for having a day at home resting has boiled my blood. He had a rare day off work, he has long hours and it’s a physical job, he looks after his family and he’s a great man. Her boyfriend on the other hand has never had a job and lives on job seekers benefit so the comment is unnecessary and like she’s trying to cause an argument.
Part of me wonders if she’s projecting and she’s unhappy deep down, but it’s hard to keep being supportive towards someone who is constantly bad mouthing your kids and partner. If I ask how any of them are I never get asked in return. She’s never ‘liked’ photos of my baby on SM where I always have with hers. She always talks about herself and her boyfriend. If I mention any of mine she’ll ignore those parts and only reply to the rest. General silly things like that over time have made it clear she isn’t interested in maintaining a sister/aunt relationship and would prefer to use me as a form of bitching.
Am I being dramatic in considering NC? I’ve already gone LC by only replying to her text a few days later and keeping them short and sweet. Every text is about her boyfriend and how perfect her kids are and I’m just about sick of it. I used to enjoy our daily chats before the boyfriend appeared but now it feels like I’m talking to a stranger.
Sorry it’s so long and turned into a rant!

OP posts:
Gymnopedie · 17/01/2024 15:02

NC all the way. And that includes blocking her on SM. You seem to feel some responsibility for her but she's making her own life, and even if she's projecting you don't have to be her punchbag. She's causing you so much stress, cut it off at source.

FruitBowlCrazy · 17/01/2024 15:11

How did the two of you get on with each other and with your parents when you were children?

Alba90s · 17/01/2024 15:17

Thank you, I know I’ve only put up with it because she’s my sister and I used to be scared of losing her, but her comments make it clear she doesn’t care about losing me.
We had a horrible upbringing. We were neglected and raised as 2 only children in the same house, very hard to explain but we didn’t have a bond at all. We didn’t experience any typical family love from anyone. We’ve both had counselling and we’re fine now, but it’s obviously left its scars.

OP posts:
FruitBowlCrazy · 17/01/2024 15:25

...we're fine now...

I don't think your sister is. Maybe she's now in an abusive relationship with this man because that sort of relationship is all she knows, and it feels familiar.

There's nothing you can do about that. All you can do is protect yourself and your own mental health, and keep your distance with as low contact as possible.

Alba90s · 17/01/2024 15:32

She had extensive therapy and they did say her need for men is to stand as a father figure, but even when she’s single she is the same. We spent a long time going over our childhood filling in the gaps either of us had forgotten etc, I helped her find peace when she realised I’d protected her from a lot. This is when we got a bond, but unfortunately it didn’t last long. It’s almost like she uses me to lash out at but I don’t think it’s childhood related, she’s only like it towards me too which seems it’s personal and not from trauma. Im sure of all the many people with ptsd they wouldn’t call a baby names.

OP posts:
FruitBowlCrazy · 17/01/2024 15:41

Do you think she lashes out at you because your life turned out okay and hers hasn't? So she says horrible things to you because it makes her feel better. Anyway, there's no excusing her unpleasantness, so perhaps you are right and NC is the only way to go - for your sake.

Alba90s · 17/01/2024 16:11

I don’t think so because I was in a bad place for many years, she had a husband and his family but I was alone. She divorced her husband then bought a house, we rent. So on paper her life sounds ‘better’ which she’s always happily made me aware of, she’s always been content whereas I struggled with mental health. I know it’s about inner peace and happiness, maybe she notices I have that now and right now she doesn’t. I don’t think there’s ever any excuse to be a shitty person to someone though.

OP posts:
FruitBowlCrazy · 17/01/2024 16:15

On paper her life might seem better, but I doubt she's happy. As you say though, there's no excuse for being so horrible to you.

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