When did your toddler feed themselves?

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Hi

Just looking for some general idea of when your toddlers were able to mostly feed themselves each meal, either using hands or a spoon/fork? I have a not long turned 2yo and I still have to feed her most meals. If I don't she will just sit there and stare at her food. I have tried so many ways to encourage her to feed herself but she just seems to struggle? Certain foods she doesn't seem to like getting on her hands for example Nutella on toast if she gets Nutella on her fingers she immediately wants me to wipe it off and gets upset. But other things she's happy to stick her hands in for example picking peas out of risotto, doesn't get bothered by her fingers being sticky then. She will be starting preschool in a few months and I'm worried she won't be able to eat her lunch, I wouldn't expect the staff to sit and hand feed her they will be busy enough! Just don't know what else to do to help her. She's always sat with us to eat, we always eat dinner as a family. She does try to use a fork/spoon but she's often tipped/dropped most of the food off it before it reaches her mouth. Am I expecting too much of her for her age or should she be pretty capable of this by now? She's my first so I have no experience! TIA

My 11 month old has been feeding himself pretty much since I started weaning (finger foods) I fed him with a spoon for anything else until last month but now he refuses help and has to spoon feed him self. I'd say my son is early compared to my other kids but all mine fed themselves much before 2. It may be a sensory thing for your little one, my son will throw things he doesn't like the feel of. Maybe start off with loading a fork and having her feed herself from that, with a fork less will fall off?

I never fed them - they fed themselves from the start. Messy to start with

By 2 she absolutely should be able to feed herself. Do you have any other concerns about her hand eye coordination?

My two year old was capable (and feeds himself at nursery) but liked being fed by me and passed me the fork until 25 months. Then one day said ‘my turn’ and has never been fed by anyone else since.

I think it is very variable. A lot of my DS’s food would go down his bib/ on his face at that age. He was also completely contrary about covering his hands in things but then wanting clean hands.

I don’t think my DS would have mastered a fork at that age. He found normal teaspoons the easiest to use rather than baby spoons. But a lot still fell off.

Don’t worry about preschool yet, a few months is a long time in terms of development and they do all sorts of things they won’t do at home when all the other children are doing them!

My DD is 18 months and has been feeding herself since she was about 12 months.

We always let her feed herself some stuff, but things like yoghurt we spoon fed. She now uses a spoon for everything.

DD refused until she started daycare at 15 months then she just had to figure it out but wasn’t great with cutlery until about 2. She was slightly delayed on her fine motor skills going into reception. DS refused anything off a spoon from the get go and fed himself with his hands. Cracked cutlery around 1 I think (can’t remember exactly). No issues with fine motor skills.

A 2YO should really be capable of feeding themselves basic with a spoon or fork. What you need to figure out is if it’s behavioural, so if she was hungry and you gave her something super yummy with a spoon would she figure it out because she really wants it? Or does she have an issue with her fine motor skills that makes it particularly hard for her? Can she turn pages of a book, hold a crayon and scribble, stack a couple of blocks, take off socks etc. (look up an age appropriate checklist if you’re not sure)? DD was 2 over covid so I think that’s why her fine motor issues were missed. She would have had an easier time of reception if we’d spotted it earlier, and with hindsight the feeding was the most obvious sign. Not that necessarily applies to your DD but just thought I’d say something in case it does.

I did BLW so DD has pretty much always fed herself, but even with traditional weaning I would definitely expect a 2 year old to be able to manage to feed themselves. I would see what happens once she starts pre-school – that will give you more of an idea about whether she has genuine issues doing it or she's just being a bit lazy!

About 9 months. Obviously it was still super messy!

Did BLW from just before 6 months due to reflux and starting slightly earlier made a massive difference. We never fed him at all he just fed himself as others have said messy at first but he soon picked it up and by 2 he was happily eating well with a spoon and fork but often hands too! He could eat a full children’s size meal in a restaurant himself before he was 1 as he was a hungry child and loved his food.

The only thing we ever spoon fed was yoghurt because I couldnt handle the mess 😂

My 17 month is very independent and feeds herself now, she uses a spoon and a fork and sometimes just picks things up with her hands. I'd recommend the Dodl cutlery as it's easy to hold and use. She even feeds herself yoghurt and porridge etc. Not as neatly as if she was spoon fed by me though! I think it's possibly a personality thing as she is all for doing everything herself! I wouldn't worry but I would try to encourage your little one to do it themselves as it's a good skill to learn.

We started by giving her her own spoon whilst we spoon fed her and took it in turns. Then, in time, she became more confident and would get angry with us if we tried to feed her 🤣 So we let her do it herself, and she has done ever since.

If she is starting a form of childcare she will soon pick it up. My DS is 19 months and feeds himself mainly, he could eat risotto with a spoon but normal rice would mainly fall off the spoon or fork.

Children behave differently on different environments it's likely she'll be fine at nursery. If you give her a good breakfast before she goes and take a snack with you when you pick her up she'll be fine even if she doesn't eat much there.

Reliably using cutlery depends on the wrist and bones development, there's an x-ray photo on Google that shows the wrist development.

Try foods with different textures, DD was always happy to pick up things that were 'dry' rice, pasta, couscous, quinoa etc but once it was 'slimy' with a sauce etc she didn't want to touch it, same with whole banana Vs slices of banana

I just let them get on with it from the start.

Most things with fingers from 8 months, things that need a spoon like yogurt from 15 months

Mine is 18 months and has just about got the hang of the spoon. He tends to tip the spoon before he gets to his mouth, so if something is particularly runny he tends to tip it off the spoon and miss his mouth, but generally he can do it, it is just messy (but getting less and less messy). If I give him a fork he either tries to use it as a spoon, or unsuccessfully stabs at food then ends up using his hands, so we've got a bit of a way to go with the fork yet.

My son started feeding himself using his hands at six or seven months. I only spoon fed him purées if we were out and about, at home he always fed himself using his hands even for runny food.

He started using a spoon independently about 50% of the time (hands the rest) at 13 months, making an enormous mess but getting a decent amount of food in his mouth. He stopped using his hands and only used spoons and occasionally forks by 16 months.

Now he's 28 months and has used both fork and spoon without any help and no major mess for about six months.

Most of the babies in our baby room over a year can feed themselves to a degree, we may need to help a few or with some foods. We encourage spoons but most will use fingers for most of it.

When they go into the next room they are usually using a spoon and fork with a bit of using fingers. They gain skill enough that they are using knife and fork at three in our preschool room.

That's a general guide, some children do better than others at a younger age.

We don't have a dining room table, so I still feed my 3 year old or it ends up every where!

Thank you all for the responses. Those mentioning fine motor skills I don't think she is behind in that, she can build blocks, she likes colouring and can hold even normal colouring pencils very well. She is however extremely hypermobile (been told by a professional it's not just my opinion!) so maybe that is what is causing her some trouble with it? I really struggled to get her interested in food from the get go, I did a mix of purées and blw so she always had food to pick up and try herself, but as soon as it seemed she was getting interested she then wasn't again and has very much stayed that way. People say she will eat if she's hungry but if I left her to it I swear she'd just starve herself 🤦🏻‍♀️
I'll keep persevering I guess and when she starts preschool see where she's at.

Hi I am in the same x how’s she doing now ? ☺️

@Vittoria123 hiya, she's doing so well now, completely different to how she was! She eats everything by herself, even likes to spread soft cheese on crackers by herself! I didn't do anything special, she just got there in her own time. I'm sure your LO will too x