Worried about attending dp's work mates wedding

[concern76]

The wedding is in a couple of weeks, i feel huge, nothing looks nice because of my size. Im so embarrassed by it.
Ive only met one of his work friends, this would be meeting them all.
Plus.... im not working, im home with our 18m old, i am trying to look for work but i just feel like thats so awkward if it comes up.
Heres my unemployed gf whos put on a shit ton of weight.... ugghhh

I've heard that people will remember how you make them feel, so if you are friendly and chatty I think they will just think "Isn't Mr Concern lucky to have such a nice partner", if they think anything at all.
The problem is, you will only look as good as you feel. Personally I aspire towards my body looking like Precious Lee or Ashley Graham. I must say I am astounded by so many mumsnetters being obsessed with being super skinny and, in my real life I don't seem to meet people with that attitude. Wear something you can feel confident in, maybe add a wow with your shoes or bag.
And you are not unemployed, you are a sahp, be proud of that also.

@concern76 I don’t understand how, on MN, of all places, you could be calling yourself unemployed - when there are posters here who proudly declare themselves Stay At Home Parents to children in their late teens.

Why are you so down on yourself? You have an 18 month old baby, who must, I’m sure, take a huge amount of care? Presumably if / when you go back to work you will as a family have to pay someone else to replace what you do?

I really hope your partner (presumably the child’s other parent) is doing everything they can to counter your current negative attitude towards yourself? And giving you as much support as possible to achieve all your goals.

As for your wedding guest outfit - zip over to Style and Beauty - with an indication of budget, preferred style, wedding context, etc. It’s an opportunity to have some fun.

Sidetracking, but is this normal? I’m old but have never once been invited to a wedding of a work colleague where partners are invited. Every one I’ve been to (a lot over the decades) has been colleagues only and they sit you all on a table together. Having partners/spouses there would be awkward as you’d have to keep explaining stuff as they do not have background info so it wouldn’t immediately make sense, won’t get in-jokes and sit there looking awkward and everyone else has to sit politely through the explanation for them etc.

Being at home with your child is nothing to be embarssed about.
You don't even have to tell them you're looking for work, I wouldn't.
'I'm lucky enough to be at home with our child at the moment'

And totally agree with ppl, if you feel confident the confidence will come off you and same if you don't.

What ideas do you have to wear? Could we help find something?
Would getting your hair done for the day or makeup make you feel good?

Welcome to a whole new world, @HoppingPavlova! Where people do things differently - without even consulting you …

But did you deliberately go out of your way to make the OP feel even more uncertain?

I second @CuteCillian above that people will remember you by how you make them feel. I have met loads of randoms at weddings over the years, and I truly cannot ever remember taking any note of what anyone was wearing or what their job was. Okay, maybe there was one wedding where the bride's extended family from overseas did turn up to what was a very classic British summer garden party at big stately home type wedding wearing something looking like they were about to go to pole dancing class. 😂Clearly, they misjudged the cultural norms around wedding attire in the UK. But honestly, it would not even cross my mind to think about what someone was wearing or what they looked like.

And it's perfectly normal to still be at home with an 18 month old. In fact, I would say that most people I meet even now through dh (I have two dc in primary school) don't even ask me what I do for work. Like literally just assume because I am the wife and we have children that I am home. I actually have a PhD and am a uni lecturer and have always worked from as soon as my mat leave ended. No one asks! I actually spoke to someone the other day who I've known probably 18 months and he was actually shocked that I worked. He never asked in all that time and just assumed that I didn't because I am 'the woman'. 😂Again, honestly, people will not care.

Go enjoy spending time with your partner and enjoy what will hopefully be a childfree day out for you. Truly, you don't even have to talk to people, but if you do, ask them lots about themselves. It will make them feel seen and noticed and also takes the pressure off you too.

@Wordless noone has to consult me, no idea where you got that from? I was asking if anyone else has experienced it as I never have and I’m not young. Was a genuine question so no need to get your knickers knotted.

Does your DP want you to go to this wedding ( does he?) ? If not, I wouldn’t bother. Just say that you can’t get childcare, and of course you don’t want to bring the child.

I wouldn’t bother.

Goodness. So, on top of feeling (wrongly!) superfluous and out of things, the OP should now refuse invitations to get dressed up, meet new people and have a glamorously relaxed and enjoyable day?

Is she to remain sequestered at home until - what?

And why, exactly?

Surely the sensible grown up thing to do is to put on her best face, accompany her partner, broaden her social circle and probably come back with pleasant memories and some lovely photos to entertain her child with as they get older. (In our family photos of parents doing stuff other than parenting are a source of huge curiosity and pride.) She may even make new friends.

If, in conversation at the wedding, she mentions that she’s loving being at home with their baby but is also thinking ahead to returning to work - it may be that someone by chance makes a helpful suggestion or can put her in touch with the right organisation. This is how adult life works. Not by hiding at home feeling ashamed of existing.