How to handle strange behaviour from a colleague

[lula99]

I’ve been in my job 4 years. A colleague has recently come back from maternity leave. She has been at this company longer than me but due to covid/wfh/her various Mat leaves we don’t know each other well.
Since she has been back, I’ve tried to make an effort, make conversation and be friendly. Just like I try to be with any other colleague really.
unfortunately I’ve been getting the feeling she has some sort of problem with me and it’s getting worse. I’m unsure of how to deal with it for the best. She is not my manager but she is slightly senior and
She does supervise some of my work.

Can you give some specific examples of the strange behaviour?

Sorry posted too early!
she is overly critical and pedantic in amending my work (others don’t).
she makes a point of saying goodbye at the end of the day to everyone but me. If she has a question she will go around asking everyone but me. When I’m in a group conversation with her she will look at everyone but me. I’ve caught her giving me dirty looks too.
basically she doesn’t like me. That is fine no one is liked by everyone. However the way she is treating me is upsetting me a lot and I wonder how best to deal with it.
would ignoring her make her get bored? So stop trying to be nice?
what can I do that is most likely going to get this behaviour to stop?
thanks for any advice.

Could she be jealous of you? Are you younger, slimmer, better looking than her perhaps?

This sounds like it’s her problem and that you have done nothing at all!

Keep smiling at her and kill her with kindness

She’s insecure and jealous of you. Others will be aware of these traits. Rise above it.

Remember you can't control her behaviour but you can control your reaction to it. Be professional but not overly friendly. Only discuss work matters with her.
Other people will begin to notice the petty things she is doing so she is only really showing herself up.

Op do you have any idea why she might be behaving this way?

I'd just be as nice as pie to her.

Did you take on any aspects of her role while she was on maternity? Did you alter any aspects of her work?

I would assume she isn’t happy with something you have done work wise that reflects on her or threatens her role in some way

I think it's time to stop being so nice. No more good mornings, go out of your way not to interact with her, if you are able. Don't look at her when she talks in a group setting etc. It'll definitely unnerve her, especially if you've been really friendly up to now. You can still be professional, just a little off hand. No one will notice but her. This has always worked for me when I've been in this situation (30 year career in a professional office environment), even with quite senior people. Usually I find they start being nice to me and then, of course, I'm lovely back! Just don't take this shit from a grown woman.

Reverse psychology time - be polite but keep it to a minimum.

Piece of advice my mum gave me a zillion years ago when I was at school - if someone is being mean to you, and you’ve done nothing wrong, they are just jealous.

Thanks for your responses. I’m not sure what it could be, I am a few years younger and maybe prettier? I don’t know.
I’ve not taken on any of her role since she has been off. The nature of our jobs is that it is fairly solitary, we work together only in the sense that she checks off certain letters. I’ve been trying to think but I really can’t think of how I could have shown her up as our work is so separate.
I will try what the majority have suggested - professional but stopping with the friendly effort. Fingers crossed!

Come back to update us, OP!

Definitely don't try to be nice. Don't make any effort with her beyond necessary professionalism. In the past I have occasionally mirrored people's behaviour when they are like this (eg - come in and say good morning to everyone but not her. Make eye contact with everyone except her etc) but it's a bit petty, so the best policy is just to ignore her, don't play her games and don't let her bullying attempts affect you.

If she is overly critical of your work, calmly say: you do seem to find a lot of issues with my work. Perhaps it's best if I ask my line manager to check it over, with you present so we can sort out any issues. But if she's happy with it, I'd like you to spend less energy on fault finding as it feels personal rather than professional at times.

This needs addressing as it hints at workplace bullying.

I get REALLY uncomfortable with unspoken stuff and would be likely to book a short meeting with her to dot-point the things I'd noticed and ask her what her preferred path is towards a more professional relationship. If that didn't produce any satisfactory results I'd probably bring it to my line manager's attention (not the dirty looks etc as they're unprovable but certainly the pedantic criticism of your work, that could cause you problems in the future if you're made to look inept in your role).

I had that with someone at work.

She had been there longer than me and I was baffled. I don't think I ever got to the bottom of it but the best I can guess is that in hindsight I was much better at our job from the beginning and impressed management but I didn't know that at the time.

I just quietly got on with the job and ignored her whispering in the corner with her crony while both of them were glaring at me. I used to be extra cheerful and helpful around the office with others and that used to make them seethe. That and having a little cry some days in the car on the way home was what got me through.

Anyway, she was fired a year after I started and the crony left under a bit of a cloud of incompetence too a few years later. Since then, nobody was needed to replace them, as they did fuck all work anyway.

Don't ask to meet her one to one. If you do feel the need to meet with her at some point make sure that there is a third party witness present. You can't trust this person as far as you can throw her.

P.s. Can we stop with the trope that women don't like other women because they are jealous of their age or looks. There could be any number of reasons this woman has taken against Op (no offence @lula99 , I'm sure you are lovely).

P.s. Can we stop with the trope that women don't like other women because they are jealous of their age or looks. There could be any number of reasons this woman has taken against Op (no offence @lula99 , I'm sure you are lovely)

Indeed. I had this at exjob, and the woman involved was several decades younger, glossy and polished (certainly a damned sight more than I am) a qualified accountant and manager and highly competent at her job. She just decided she didn't want to interact with me and ignored me whenever she could.

It wasn't just me, either, she was very selective about who she talked to.