To be worried about DH

[Isthisthedressinggownofdoom]

NC for this

DH (37) has been coughing for about ten days. He's making lots of quite annoying wheezing and coughing sounds and says he can't lie flat in bed because his heart starts racing so he's been sitting upright on the sofa every night trying to sleep rather than going to bed.

He can be prone to dressing gown of doom syndrome so the first week or so I basically ignored him but did sound really bad at the weekend so I got him to ring out of hours, who prescribed amoxicillin. But he's actually worse this week - he's been off work this last two days just sitting on the sofa like a zombie. We have a pulse oximiter which is showing everything as normal.

I've made him another gp appointment for today to get checked but is this over dramatic for a cough? He's convinced he's going to die also worrying me is that he was a very heavy drinker and has actually been in AA since Christmas. I'm not sure if that's anything to do with anything but I know he won't tell the doctor about it!

A prolonged cough needs checking out medically so the GP appointment is a good thing. It's probably just a chest infection. If he's recently stopped drinking though, that might explain his other symptoms. I hope he feels better soon.

Will you be able to go to the appointment with him? If so you can tell the GP any missing information.

I would just leave him be to make his own decisions. A cough for 10 days is not at all unusual and as long as he can breathe and isn't running a very high fever, he likely just needs time to get better. Dh had some horrible respiratory thing in the autumn and literally had a cough after for about 2 months. He sounded awful. But it cleared and he's fine now. 10 days for something akin to COVID/flu/RSV is not at all unexpected.

I would say that might be especially so for someone who is doing the double work of healing in early sobriety. Fellow sober alcoholic here, the early weeks of sobriety are tough on the body. I would say the first 3 months are particularly tough physically. I felt like a zombie a lot of days - and I didn't have a bad respiratory infection - I actually did a lot of just sitting on the sofa and taking long naps. It was completely worn out and exhausted. Healing is tough work. I would give him back the control. Let me make decisions about how to handle what care he needs. But do support him to continue with his recovery. If he's well enough to attend online AA meetings, give him time to do that. Even if it means lying bed feeling awful the rest of the day, just so he has energy to engage with that meeting. Lots of vitamins, cups of tea, hot soup, and rest. But I wouldn't panic as physically this doesn't seem at all unusual for a bad chest infection.

If he does go to the GP, he doesn't have to talk with the GP about being in recovery. It's not really relevant to him having a cough and wouldn't change his care. He will eventually probably want to share this information (and one day he'll be very proud to!) but it's early days and not important right now.

No, we have a two year old and I can't imagine the GP would be too happy with the lot of us landing in her surgery, plus we don't really have that kind of relationship, we always do medical appointments solo.

I think I'm just worried that his heart is going to give out or something which of course it isn't, he's only in his 30s and his heart rate is fine at home! I know the most likely thing will the gp will say it's a chest infection and to keep on with the antibiotics and he'll be fine in a day or two. I've just never seen him look and sound so awful for so long before. He's barely eaten in a week.

It’s good that he’s going back to the GP, they might give him some different antibiotics if those ones aren’t doing enough.

Try not to worry, there’s a lot going around at the moment. And coughs can linger for a long time even after the infection clears up. And antibiotics can make you feel rough as well.

Is he still drinking now? He should probably mention it because you can’t drink with certain antibiotics. That might be a good angle to encourage him to mention it to the GP.

Thanks so much for your perspective, it's really helpful. I think tbh it's his recovery and whether he can continue to stick it out through feeling unwell that I'm actually worried about. Any time he was sick before he'd be straight into the hot whiskey and he can't have that this time so he doesn't really know how to cope. But as you say he needs to control that himself, I can't do it for him. I did ask if he wanted to see the GP today and he said yes but yes I think I'll take a step back now. I've tried giving him vitamins and soup and making tea and so on, he doesn't want much of anything at the minute. Then I feel a bit resentful at times because we have two children and I'm doing everything myself just when I thought things were starting to look up...and I can't even have a glass of wine to cheer myself up either 😫

has actually been in AA since Christmas. I'm not sure if that's anything to do with anything but I know he won't tell the doctor about it!

This will have a lot to do with it, if he's been a heavy drinker then stopping cold will have sent his system into a spin and he will need to ride it out. He's probably also feeling fairly wobbly mentally as well as physically, entering AA is a big deal although he can't be fully convinced he's going to die, or he would tell the doctor the full story so there may be some dressing gown of doom going on too. Supporting a partner in AA is a big deal too, do you have the support you need?

Thankfully no he is on day 21 of sobriety

The not being able to lie flat without his heart racing is concerning. He may just be being dramatic/feeling very sorry for himself (he obviously has a lot of physical and mental turmoil going on) but that needs checking.

Is he likely to tell the GP he’s in the early steps of sobriety? It’s all relevant.

The fact that it hurts to lie down, to the extent that he is trying to sleep sitting up, is worrying. I think he needs to be seen in person by someone medical today. He MUST tell them he is on day 21 of withdrawing from alcohol as it can impact the heart muscle. To be honnest it might not be a cough problem, it might be a cardiac problem and the cough is him unknowingly trying to manage chest pain. So someone needs to listen to his lung sounds and run an ECG today

We've just all had this and my daughter started two days ago. Lasted four weeks and a course of amoxicillin. Your heart does puns abd flutter, also found it sent my BP really high in the first two weeks and the last week we all got lightheaded and dizzy. It's a horrible strain going round and I've not felt that poorly for years. My DD's temp hit 40° last night although thankfully it's come down to 38° this morning. Hope he gets better soon for all your sakes.

Well he might, but I don't imagine he will. He seems to think if you mention drinking to the doctor they'll stamp ALCOHOLIC on all your medical notes until the end of time.

Not much support really. I have considered going to Al Anon but we are still at an early stage and I'm quite resentful at the thought of spending Sunday nights sitting in a group because of him and his drinking.

I asked if he's going to mention to the GP and sort of gently tried to plant the seed that it could be relevant so it's up to him now. His appointment is in an hour so I'll update shortly! Hopefully just to say the GP says it's viral and he has to ride it out. I figure a bit of reassurance will help the mental side of things as much as anything.

There are two things here, the AA stuff and the infection.

The GP can assess his infection, yes he should tell the GP about all relevant medical history but you can't make him. Given you can't make him there is no point arguing about that - just explain giving up drinking may be seriously affecting his heart and therefore he would be wise to tell the GP.

If the amoxicilin doesn't shift the infection the GP will want to prescribe something else I expect.

As for: I have considered going to Al Anon but we are still at an early stage and I'm quite resentful at the thought of spending Sunday nights sitting in a group because of him and his drinking. You might find it is actually helpful to be in a support group to discuss this anger/resentment, it will be shared by other people who are affected by other people's drinking/alcoholism.

I'd say it's pretty likely that cutting drinking is why he's feeling so ill. His body is dealing with the shock of no alcohol and now he's not well, and it will all be building up etc.

I think he should absolutely be telling the GP the truth. He's crazy not to. And frankly, if he's an alcoholic, then yes, that IS relevant for his medical records forever and should be disclosed.

He's been to the doctor who's given him steroids and told him to come back in 5 days for a lung function test if no better. I don't know what else was discussed, I'm just glad he has something that will help.

Will give serious consideration to contacting Al Anon, thanks everyone.