3.5 year old so fussy with food. Anyone else?

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My DS 3.5 is really really fussy with food and has been since he turned 2. I'm struggling to know what to do about it and how much is "normal". Not sure if I need to be stricter but then aware that i don't want to give him anxiety around eating. Would be grateful to hear any advice from anyone who's come out the other side.

A bit of detail:

• from weaning until 2 he ate anything and everything. We eat homemade fresh food, nothing ultra-processed and rarely have sugary "treats" at home. He loved everything.

• at 2 he suddenly stopped eating most things except beige stuff - quite common I think as a way of gaining control over life in which everything else is out of their control!

• I thought it would be a phase but we are still there!

• he is very stubborn generally

• what he will eat: bread (plain), yoghurt, apples, rice cakes, porridge, oranges, raisins, green beans, blueberries, strawberries, bananas occasionally, toddler snacks if offered (not normally but if we are travelling)

Occasionally he will eat carrots, cucumber, houmous,

• until recently he ate pasta and bolognese but has recently been refusing it all.
• he has stopped eating meat, fish or cheese and doesn't want any savoury hot meals at all really. thankfully does drink water.
• at nursery he seems to just eat the bread accompaniment eg naan bread or garlic bread but not the main.
• we don't provide things like biscuits at home but he will eat them happily when offered (eg at Christmas or when they make biscuits at nursery). He also gets a reward from his sticker chart and always chooses a biscuit or cake from the shop.

I've tried to implement family mealtimes eating at the table at weekends (weekdays he eats at nursery) and we've always done this, but it's getting really difficult as he is really unhappy when savoury hot meals are put in front of him and just wants pudding (usually yoghurt and fruit). He will shout or get down from the table straight away.

I don't want to encourage bad manners but at the same time I don't know if forcing him to "sit there until you've eaten your dinner" is going to be very constructive or helpful. I'm unclear about where to draw the line and not giving him a complex around food whilst still encouraging good habits.

I have tried letting him help himself, and providing one element I know he'll like on his plate alongside other foods. I know it takes 15 times of trying to get used to new foods. But it's been the same for nearly 2 years and seems to be getting worse!

I recommend the book Getting the little blighters to eat by Claire Potter - it has practical tips plus it’s short and concise. You can get it on Amazon.

My DC has been fussy since 18 months old and is now 8; he still won’t eat any vegetables and many hot cooked meals but we are gradually seeing some progress. Most children go through a fussy stage - some seeing if they can get away with it, others last in this stage a lot longer. Hang in there - this is so common, albeit very frustrating!

My experience is similar, and my DD is now 5....I know its touted as a "stage" when they are about 2 to start refusing food, but I can't find anything that says when this stage might end! There is a lot of advice out there about e.g. involving them in choosing what to cook, helping with growing veg, helping with cooking etc. In my experience that hasn't helped.

In case helpful, a few of the things we do are:

• Everyone has the same meal.
• Strong encouragement to stay at table until everyone has finished, even if DD doesn't want to eat it.
• Ask her to try a bit of everything, and then praise even if she just takes a bite of a thing then says she doesn't like it.
• Including something she likes with each meal.
• Creative "testing" while cooking - e.g. DD loves to eat the peas and corn when still frozen (!), so I just give her some while I'm cooking. Similar for many veg, she'll eat them raw but not like them cooked, so I tend to let her have some raw before I cook it.
• If she's full and not eaten much of her meal, it means there is no space left for a "treat" or pudding...if she is hungry, she should eat more of her meal. We try not to get into forcing her to finish it all, but we do encourage her to eat enough so she's not hungry before having something else.
• Try not to get into arguments about it, and try to be consistent.
• Try different ways of serving a food - e.g. bean chilli with rice was rejected, but bean chilli in an enchilada with cheese on top was yummy.

I would aim to do family mealtimes anytime you are home. So all sit at the table and eat the same foods. Offer what the family is eating - include mix of things he will eat and things he might not eat. Mine never have to eat anything, though I do ask them to try everything, but if you don't eat your meal there is no pudding, even relatively healthy things like fruit or yoghurt. Generally, I expect them to sit at the table until everyone is finished, but they don't need to be eating. All that being said, as long as you're offering a variety of healthy foods and you're eating together and modelling good practices, then I don't think a fussy phase is anything to be worried about. They all go through them.

My 3yo DD is very fussy, and she doesn't like any hot food.
I just do the following-

• put her plate in the fridge for 5 mins before we sit down, so her food is lukewarm/cold.

• whatever she says she doesn't like, she has to try a bite of it first. Usually she finds she does like it and will eat more of it. But if she doesn't, it's fine, because she's tried it.

-i don't offer alternatives but there's always something she likes on the plate, or it's a variation of a food she does like (eg pasta with a new sauce)

-she has to stay at the table

-she gets praise for trying foods or eating but if she starts being silly we ignore it and just talk. Usually she gets bored and will just start eating while joining in talking with her siblings.

My boy is also 3.5 and has been similar since weaning. I've tried the softly softly approach the whole time. Keep offering variety. Expose them to foods 10+ times even if they don't show any interest. Don't comment, cajole, encourage, bribe. I don't doubt the validity of the approach but it's got nowhere with my DS.

Before Christmas I set up a daily "food challenge" with a reward chart. If he tooks 8 bites of something he got a small toy like a bath bomb or a bit of playmobil. It's been far more successful than all the pussy footing around and praying he might suddenly take an interest in a carrot when offered to him for the 5000th time. He's not upset by doing it - he even revels in it. And it's broken his awful habit of kneejerk refusing anything unfamiliar.

So far we haven't found anything he loves but it's given him more confidence around food and he's eating better at nursery. Even trying new things there for the first time without me incentivising it.

Thanks, interesting and reassuring comments. @scatterolight I totally get your post! This is exactly how I feel. The advice I see everywhere just isn't working! I've been nervous about "naming" the fact he's fussy for fear of making it into a "thing" - but is is a thing! Perhaps it's worth us going with rewards now.

He is old enough to understand the concepts. We used reward stickers resulting in a bribe prize to get him to dress himself and it worked. Perhaps I'll try a special sticker for every meal time where he tries everything on his plate and then he can win a toy after 7 stickers gained - or something like that!

Any experience or advice of doing this gratefully received!

Op pleaae don't worry, it's extremely common!

Best advice I was given was never ever push and offer lots of little tapas style snacks and plates and eat that with him... Give lots of options.

My amazing eater changed at this age also things she loved she suddenly wouldn't touch. Don't offer for about 2 weeks then put back on table in small amount with other bits..

Or scatter of lights advice!!

Could have posted this tonight. We have a three year old son who has been just as picky about eating since he turned two. It's like a switch was hit and all of a sudden anything he loved before was rejected. It's the most frustrating thing and I so hope it comes to an end at some point 😭 I love food and cooking and I just want him to get more enjoyment out of it.

We're currently using the 'here is your dinner, you decide if you eat it' approach and not making a big deal of him not eating but lots of praise when he does or when he tries something.

I've seen a little improvement but it's painfully slow. I'm hoping when his sibling arrives and gets to the weaning stage he will be more interested and want to try what they're eating 🙏🏻

Watching the thread and sending total solidarity! My beige lover has even started rejecting her faves if there a sniff of hidden veg going on.

I have an 11 year old who has been fussy since very young. Try not to make it a big deal - IME just makes mealtimes more stressful. Keep serving varied meals but make sure there is a safe food with each meal that your DC will eat . Try to keep your patience when much of your lovely cooking ends up in the bin! Sometimes DD would eat more if distracted by TV or similar.
Ignore anyone who suggests it is your rubbish parenting.

Just wanted to offer solidarity as I could have written this, my 3yo has been like it for about a year and it occasionally seems to be getting better and then will be horrendous again. Some helpful advice on the thread, fingers crossed

Hi! I hope you’re doing well and so is your son. This sounds like my son. I’m really struggling with him and was wondering if you had a breakthrough or any advice? Thank you